Mon 22 Jun, 2015 10:37 am
I'll start from the beginning.
I started dating this guy about 9 months ago, and we live 2 hours apart. we became very very close very quickly, and fell in love very quickly and strongly. We planned a future together, and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Even though we lived 2 hours apart, our lives were so revolved around one another.
Recently, an occurrence happened where my roommates and I are kind of being forced to move to a new location in our city. My boyfriend suggested we live together, in his city, and I thought it would be the best thing for me. However, I did not think it through, because I was only thinking about how I could make him happy, and did not logically think it through. He does not live in a city I would like to live in, and we did not date for long enough to move in together.
We found an apartment in a week, and put down a payment on it in a day. Everything started to happen so quickly and I knew that this wasn't right. I couldn't say anything because he was so happy and I could not make him unhappy by backing out. However, one morning I couldn't take it anymore and told him how I felt. He lashed out at me, telling me I ruined his happiness, and that he could never trust me again. I apologized profusely, and we explained ourselves to each other. He says he does not want to break up, but we both agreed we need space to think.
We haven't broken up yet, but I know it will happen. it fills me with dread every day, knowing that the day will come very soon that we must break up. It just doesn't make sense logically to keep going.
I have general anxiety, worry and overbearing guilt problems, so you can see how this situation is literally eating me up inside. I cannot sleep well, I cannot eat. I have constant anxiety and stomach pains. I am so depressed and am not interested in anything anymore. I've lost my joy and sense of humor. There is so much change happening in my life and I really hurt someone I love am having a hard time dealing with it. The only thing keeping me sane is my job.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with this and move on.
Any advice is appreciated. I am so messed up right now.
SO what are you saying here....that you are not capable of change? That you lack resilience?
You fight for better, and dont give in to despair.
The relationship is not over so maybe it can be made better. Your life is not over so maybe it can be made better even if the relationship ends. And you are young (I assume) , this is the time to make mistakes. So long as you learn from them count it as a win.
To sum up: you are way too negative. your reality does not justify it.
thank you for your advice. (yep, I'm 25 hehe)
I am capable of change- I am just afraid of it.
He lashed out at me, telling me I ruined his happiness, and that he could never trust me again.
Doesn't sound like he cares how you feel.
Best find someone who does.
I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety and relationship issues. I understand the burden you are in, it's a real inconvenience to hurt a person we love who also love us back and to put anxiety between that is a real problem, because sometimes even if we love a person so much, our anxiety still prevents us from being real to that person. And even if that person loves us so much it will still be difficult for them to understand our anxieties. If I may ask, does your guy know about your condition? I think it's vital that you talk with him and inform him. Communication is important in a relationship. Also consult your doctor and do some therapy, maybe you can also bring your boyfriend and do some couple's therapy. It will help both your anxiety and your relationship.
Take the guilt and live like you don't have it. It does not mean you are going to live ruthlessly but instead accept the guilt.