The parents- HIS parents

Unfortunately, we can't change anyone's behavior but our own. We can't make anyone like us, cooperate with us or accept us.

Also a parent/child bond is usually impossible to alter. If you think this guy's relationship with his mother is a bit too suffocating for your taste, he's probably not the best choice for you.

How long have you known this guy and his mother, Scarlett? Can you provide some more details?

Do you like his mother?

Consider, men tend to marry their mothers. Do you see something in her of yourself that you dislike? Could she see something of herself in you that she is not fond of.=?

HIS Parents
Best wishes.

I certainly didn't marry someone like my mother.

But its my parents that drive my wife nuts,,,my stepmother in particular and some of her cranky old miserable friends.

my wife's friends can't believe how my stepmom still talks down to me even as im 30 now...kids of my own, place of my own, the only one of the kids who "did it" on their own.

Scarlett...my wife knows what you speak of. my stepmom accused of her wanting me strictly for a green card and babies because my wife is 6 years older than me.

My wife passed up a job making 4 times what i did in the military to marry me, and stay in the states for good.

She was a nanny to a swiss family than came to the states for a 1 year short term contract. six weeks later she met me.
six weeks after that we got married.

they never knew about that first wedding. They think we got married that october.

My stepmother is a miserable person,,,so i can relate how you feel because i discuss it a lot with my wife.

so i only keep in touch with my dad, he loves us. that's about all that i care about now.

When you marry someone, you do indeed marry into that family as well. So, when people decide to marry, they need to take the family into account also. There were immediate members of my husbands' family that I was concerned about, but he was too precious to let go of. I made the very concious decision to marry him, in spite of these people, and had to remind myself of that many, many times.

I guess I usually wouldn't write about anything like this because i'm so.... you people would say not old or wise enough to understand these things. I would like to say to anyone who believes that, you are horribly wrong!

when i was 2 my father was murdered, my poor mother without the support of my real fathers family did her best and a darn good job to raise our family alone. I love my grandma but she treats me different then her other grandchildren like my mother did something wrong in my fathers death. Knowbody should have to worry about who or what family they marry into! The person you love is who you are married to and the family even if they don't like you need to show respect and love to you it's there responibility to love and they need to get over there selfish ways and learn to love. you should never make a choice of not marring someone because you don't like your mother inlaw, SHE has the responsiblitly to love and support her son or daughter in-law! A way to get over such sadness and lack of harmony in a family is almost impossible inless peoples hearts are to change, and believe me i don't see this happening with my family. My only advice having to live with a grandma that doesn't want to truly love me, and an aunt I've never spoken to for 8 years is love those people even when it's impossible but someway you can do it. somepeople never change but that doesn't mean you can be a jerk and treat other poorly because you don't like them for some stupid reason.

This is where your niavete is apparent, nappy. You talk about what people should do, what they're supposed to do, that a mother-in-law has a responsibility to love a daughter or son-in-law and that sounds all fine and good but it's not reality. Because you think one should do this or that does not make it so. Real life is just not that cut and dried and people are not that simple.
Maybe you shouldn't have to worry about what family you marry into but you damn well had better worry about it because those people are going to become a part of your life for as long, or even longer, than your spouse.

Give him a break, eoe. He's just a teenager. His opinions are very appropriate for his age, and considering his family situation, quite admirable. He's trying to figure out a better way to live.

Nappy, you're on the right track. As you grow older, you will see that people cannot always live up to their ideals. At times, you will have trouble living up to your own. That does not mean that good values and ideals are not important...they ARE! They give us a goal to shoot for. But you'll develop a bit more tolerance for missing the mark. That's all. Sometimes we get ourselves into situations for which there simply is no good way out. Telling people what they SHOULD do often comes across as judgmental. Compassion is far more important.

Didn't mean to come across too harshly. I know nappy is probably still hurting behind his father's murder and the rejection of his father's family and you're absolutely right Eva, his opinions are very appropriate for a young person. Idealistic and sadly, unrealistic.

It stinks that his grandmother has treated him differently. Who knows why? But like he said, that's no reason for him to be a jerk too.

He's on the right track.

well I understand that just saying that people should be like this, or people need to do that won't help the world be better just because I think it's not right that some family's don't love eachother. just today i was talking to my neighbor and she said if her son marries someone she doesn't like she's gonna be very upset and non-supportive! I was in fact sad, but I know no matter what I said she wouldn't change her mind. I feel that it's not right though if the parents or family doesn't like the person there son or daughter falls in love with. Isn't it there choice and it would be wrong for a mother or father to make his son marry the perosn he thinks they should marry? anyway enough of my blaber, I do realize the world is a place where things never change and perhaps this is one of those things. I guess if somebody gets blessed enough to have the love and support of all there family and everybody gets along it almost be a fairy-tall, but I think this can come true and i hope it does for me!

and for scarlettmarsden!!!

Bless you Nappy! Your heart is surely in the right place. Personally, I would never let a man I loved slip through my fingers simply because their family didn't like me.

By the way, never be afraid to say what's on your mind because something you say just may make a difference in someones life. I know some peoples words have made a difference in mine ;-)

Nappy, you've only seen one side. The negative side. There are plenty families where the spouses and the inlaws get along very fine. It happens all the time.