Clashing degrees of comfort

Recently I decided to tag my boyfriend on Facebook so it shows "in a relationship with ___" instead of just "in a relationship". We've been dating over a year and all of my relationships I've done that with. I asked how he felt about it and he said (1) that he hadn't noticed and (2) that it felt more like a territorial marking.

I brushed it off and asked if he would accept. He then said his grandma and some other family don't know he's gay and doesn't want her to find out on Facebook. He said we've talked about this before and I respond "I thought you hadn't noticed?" He said he "just remembered."

When he realizes this upsets me he gets very defensive and mad. He doesn't realize why it upsets me even when I explained it in a calm way. He says sure it might be easy for me, but I'm asking him to affect his family dynamics.

This hurt me. I feel that as 20+ year old college boyfriends who've been dating over a year, he needs to live his life freely and disdain those who disagree with his lifestyle. I feel like he's more worried about "what grams will think" than our relationship.

We are from different backgrounds; I came out before high school. And worrying about what grandma will think? I knew I wasn't going to live my life in fear and under senseless control. She kept asking about girls and I told her when I was like 15. She sure didn't like it, but what good does lying about it do?

This is really upsetting me - I feel rejected and like an embarrassment. For Christ's sake, if he hasn't told his grandma yet, I wouldn't be surprised if he never does. We've been dating for over a year and he's still afraid of her finding out. I feel like I deserve a relationship that is treated with more courage. This upsets me more than I want it to and I wonder if I'm overreacting.

What do you think of this and our reactions based on what I've said?