Tue 9 Jun, 2015 01:39 pm
So, I got on to okcupid about a year ago - July 2014. Soon enough, I got looked up by a guy who stays in another state about a 2 hour flight from where I am. We got talking, got to know each other a little. He seemed very interested at first and told me things about himself at great length. But soon enough, it seemed like I was the one initiating most conversations.
We lost contact for a bit because he got caught in a natural calamity. It was a disaster reported all over the news. However, we reconnected after and since then, we've been talking on and off. He has been very slow with this. He has crossed my state a few times for very short periods, but only for work trips. I was able to verify all this because someone I know used to work with him. So he's obviously not faking anything on his profile. That's guaranteed. He even added me on facebook earlier this year and it seems to me now that he enjoys chatting with me. He initiates conversations more than I do now, but seems very hesitant to meet in person somehow. I only asked him out once, and that was in the beginning. He said he would rather meet at a later point, when he is on vacation, so he can give me "adequate attention". He has mentioned some of his recent "hook ups", purely sexual ones lately in a humorous vein. He has also mentioned some men who have tried to rush into meeting him but that he finds it too fast, in his own words "considering the risks of me being involved with anyone" He even made a remark - "Maybe we should meet so I can **** up our relationship" I said I am no terrible rush as long as we do meet sometime. He then remarked that he appreciates my patience a lot and is impressed by it, even though, in his own words, it is not cool of him to say **** like that.
Now, the thing that bothers me, as it would most people in my situation, is that I am really starting to feel into him but it seems like he has his doubts about meeting me - either he has made up his mind or is waiting for something. I'm not sure which of these it is. Could it be that he is genuinely trying to take it slow? I don't think that could be the case since it has almost been a year and he HAS met people, even if it has been just for sex. Or is it that he has decided I am somehow not his type but he enjoys chatting with me remotely? What bothers me even more is that he has started to discuss his sexual life with so much detail that I feel like I've been friend-zoned! What would you make of this? Do I just need to politely confront him about what's going on? Or would that kill what we have? I do like chatting with him a lot, too but really feel like it's time for us to meet! Help!
He's reluctant to meet you, so take the hint and look for other postures, preferably in your own neighborhood. What good does it do if you hook up with someone who lives quite a distance from you.
Keep him as casual friend, but if you're looking for more - move on!
I know you're right about that. It just hurts to know, though, that people can keep leading you on in such a way. Its just puzzling why he would want to keep talking if he doesn't want to meet. Maybe to him, I'm just fun to talk to, but he doesn't find me attractive and so doesn't know how I will take it if we decide to meet and he has to reject me in person. Sigh.
Please don't let this stranger cause you any more distress. I know it feels friendly and we think we know people online, but this guy is sending huge jerk signals. I doubt he will be less of a jerk in person, he might be charming at first but only long enough to disarm you. Please cut your losses, it could get a lot worse and you don't need that.
You're absolutely right. The jerk signals have gotten much stronger over the last few days and I need to pull the plug pretty soon, for my own good. Won't be easy but got to be done!