Whether to tell the EX of my current wife about her Bulimia

Is your wife unable to care for her child?

She is able to care for her and is a capable mother.

If she is capable of caring for her child, why would you be discussing her health with her ex?

It seems really inappropriate based on the information you've provided.

Have you at least tried therapy, even just for you?

I appreciate your view point. I ask this kindly and without sarcasm. If she were to be abusing heroin, and the ex didn't know, would that change your view?

I have sought extensive therapy for myself.

I have asked her with care to seek out therapy for herself, or go to a 12 step group therapy. I have asked her to come to couseling with me as well

If she were abusing heroin, would she be capable of caring for her child?

Please don't muddy the situation with a "if she was a heroin addict". unless she is using heroin.

It is a valid question to tease out the moral obligations of others when a parent is impaired. Given that it has become common for heroin to be of unpredictable strength thus throwing the user into overdose, and given that while in overdose a parent is not going to be capable of caring for a child, I think that alerting the other parent of the child of the situation is appropriate . But nothing similar happens with those with eating disorders till/unless they get very bad. The impairment to parenting is much more predictable with bulimia, and so there is no reason to take this step till the mother gets near the point that she physically can not function.

EDIT: also using heroin is a criminal act, bulimia is not, which makes them substantially different re obligations to the other parent, as well as the child.

It took you four and a half lines of baffleloney to make the same observation I made by using 5 words.

Ok. I won't muddy the water with Heroin. That is a good point. I do think that EDs more serious than glitterbug thinks regardless if the condition is chronic or not.

I would like it if someone were more helpful in evaluating what an 'other' parent needs to know when an illness is involved. Sorry glitterbug, this is serious stuff.

Also,

You use the word 'till' the condition reaches a point of severity. Are you implying that a heroin addiction would be commensurate with a chronic eating disorder? If so, is there any obligation to try to prevent a condition from into turning into a potentially harmful chronic condition by getting another caregiver involved with the situation?

Nope, your position was "I dont want to consider the comparison" where as I tackled the comparison head on. Our responses could not be more of a contrast. As per usual we see you parading out BS expecting it to be swallowed whole.

You seem to misunderstand what I was saying. I know ED's are destructive, she could lose her teeth, her heart could stop from low sodium and potasium levels. Now, those are things that are dreadful for her, but its also unhealthy for this little girl. Is the child eating properly? Some women have gone around the bend with eating disorders and sometimes won't feed their children properly for fear they will get 'fat". They have a warped notion of body image, but its a mental disorder that will eventually kill her or cause serious health issues that could dog her the rest of her life.

My issue with swapping out herion v eating disorder is that drugs are illegal, are sold by criminals and pose a vastly more serious threat than Mom's binge & purge hobby.

You apparently want to tell her ex, you just want strangers to tell you its OK. Im not there, I don't know what the family dynamic is, and no one else here does either. It seems like you have the best view of what needs to be done. You can divorce your wife and get free, but the child I assume is still a minor, doesn't have the same clean escape route.

If you need a refresher on the pitfalls, the child is going to be the one suffering while your wife, you and her ex battle it out over what's best for the child. Has anybody taken the child for therapy? She has one biological mother and biological father and she probably loves both of them.

You can't make someone get help unless they are ready, if you haven't told her before, you should tell her now you will involve her ex if she doesn't get her act cleaned up. Are there any grandparents who would help? If you have already enlisted the grandparents and threatened to involve her ex-husband and she still doesn't become more responsible, maybe she shouldn't be the custodial parent.

But despite what I have written, I really don't know if you gave an honest account of the situation, and what you did write is spare in detail. This is really an issue for mental health professionals, hopefully not for CPS. This child could wind up in foster care if her father isn't equipped or willing to care for her.

This is too serious of an issue for any of the forum members to adequatly address. I do hope you manage to resolve this situation with the best possible outcome possible. We have a family member who suffered with eating disorders, practically killed her when she was in her 50's, it created havoc for her sons, and ended one marriage. She has remarried and seems to have conquered her demons. She looks great and seems happy, and I think some of it has to do with getting away from her sisters. Frankly everybody's is happy when they can avoid those 3 sisters.

Thanks glitterbag. I appreciate your response. It helps as your response looks at the situation from a number of standpoints which is largely what encompasses the discipline of ethics which is why I posted the question/situation. I'll keep trying to support my wife and give some encouragement to her to go and seek out help for herself. Being the spouse of a person with an ED is very, very tough.

How so?

Im sure its a nightmare, I hope you get some relief sooner rather than later.

Dimples80.

I hope you don't mind but, with all due respect, you knew that she was bulimic before you courted her and certainly before you married her. If you knew firstly, more than likely her ex did as well. It is not something you can forever hide.

Secondly, you knew and you have tried to be supportive but you perhaps feel as if you have hit a brick wall instead and so, your rationing is to 1) consider leaving her and 2) tell her ex, even though you have verified she is a great Mother.

If she is a great Mother why wreck her life with an abundance of stress, possibly Court and send her further down the dreaded path. There is a reason she has ED, she does need to find out why. But, when you marry you don't just give up when you know that they have an illness you keep searching for the solution, the answer in my opinion and help her. You knew all about it before you took that vow. Walking away well.....

Firstly, I had no earthly clue that she was bulimic during our courtship nor during the first few weeks of marriage. What gives you the right to say that I did? That is a very obtuse statement by you. You can take your sanctimonious opinions which are way off base and leave this discussion you ignorant fool.