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Most confusing situation of my entire life... could it really have all been just a "joke"?

 
 
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 02:51 pm
So I've been friends with someone for about a year and a half now, and to say that our friendship is complicated is an understatement. We're two guys. I'm bisexual (only out to a few people), and I don't know what he is honestly.

For a good 6 or so months, I was constantly struggling to figure out if he liked me or not. He'd constantly touch me, tease me or compliment me, and say/do many suggestive things. To keep it short, I'll list a few examples:

He's grabbed my hand and kissed it multiple times, he's given me a forehead kiss and said goodnight, he's held my hand in a sneaky manner numerous times, said/asked things such as "why do we have so much sexual tension?" "if I was gay and in the closet and I came out to you, how would you react?" "if I could watch one person getting head, it'd be you" "if you could make out with one guy in this group, who would it be?" "sometimes, I just want to love you" "I wish I could just be in your arms forever" "Why do you have a crush on me?" "if you don't eat this I'm going to have sex with you... okay that was weird" etc. etc.

He'd constantly say "I love you" to me, we'd constantly hug (and I mean constantly, for both the hugging and the "I love you"'s) and sometimes for over a minute, we'd stare and follow each other around, etc.

He'd want me to come with him absolutely everywhere, including one-person bathrooms, and if I ever ignored him he'd get depressed and would have all of his attention on me. He'd do things like look at me from across a room, blow a kiss at me, I'd blow one back, and he'd grab it and rub it on his face.

And we'd also CONSTANTLY get comments from people. Practically every time we'd hug or stare or talk, we'd get comments such as "are you guys gay?" "wtf?" "what the hell was that?" "okay... I'll leave you guys alone in your love fest" "okay, seriously... SERIOUSLY ARE YOU GUYS GAY?" etc. etc.
I tried to hint things for a bit, I sent a text saying "I love you I don't care if this is gay" once and I didn't get a text back, and I also asked him about why he said we have sexual tension, and the first time he asked, he just said "don't change the subject, don't change the subject." The second time I asked, he said "IT WAS A JOKE!"

And there's been times where we'd just be sitting across from each other and he'd say things like "do people think we're gay? Probably..." and he'd avoid eye contact with me. And one time he was forcing me to hold his hand and a friend came in the room and he let go and he randomly asked me about a girl. Stuff like that makes me suspicious.

So one day I decided I couldn't take it anymore, because he'd flirt with me so much and yet still act interested in girls, so I came out to him, and he said everything was a joke and that he only thinks of me as a friend.
Then, as months went by, he said things like "it was all a joke," "I had no idea," etc.

And a few months ago, he said "when I was flirty with you," referring to our friendship. A month or so later he clarified that he meant "unintentional flirtiness."

This doesn't make sense to me, because every time we see each other, one of us will stare at the other from across the room, the other will catch the stare and look back, we'll do a serious stare or smile at each other, then look away, then look back, etc. We do this all the damn time. We stare at each other a hell of a lot.

We'll constantly do this, we'll constantly tease each other, and we constantly pay attention to each other or crave the other's attention. If I'm doing something else at a hangout, he'll randomly say my name, or look at me and say something, pretty much anything to get my attention.
When we tease each other, we make fun of each others' hair, or facial imperfections, our voices, our faces, our hobbies, things that we like, etc. etc.

And for example, the other day, we were at a restaurant and he chose to sit across from me, and when I was concentrating on my menu, he said something to me, I didn't respond, he kept saying my name, I quickly responded to him, then a minute or so later he started hitting my menu, then took the straw away from my drink while I was drinking it.
When I was in a store with him and a few other friends the other day, I noticed wherever I was walking he'd follow, and also make stupid comments just to get my attention.

Sometimes if I'm staring at something in his direction, I could tell that he looks at me to see if I'm staring, look away, then look back again (maybe to get my attention), then look away again.

He's also made strange comments recently, such as "hey did you know that everyone is attracted to you?.... in a physics sense, not a liking sense" (goofy smile)

Also, I can't confirm this but I'm about 99% sure he's seen me have boners around him. I remember once about a month ago I got out of his car with a boner and I'm almost 100% positive that I saw him look at me from top to bottom, but made a stop at my crotch.

And I've talked to his ex along with a girl he's hooked up with, and they both claim that he's acted in the same way with me as he has with them, except even more intense (minus the hooking up).

And my friend, who I also came out to, talked to him about it a few months ago and he also told her "it was all a joke it meant nothing" and she believed him, but last week she told me "I notice you guys are flirty and linger around each other, you kind of don't leave each other alone" and "I don't know what's on his mind but he can't just say it's friendly or no nothing's happening" which in my mind says a lot.

I don't get it. Could it just have all been a joke? Could this still be just a joke and he's just still unaware that it's very flirty? Is all of these signs of attraction really just in my head? How can I get to him, make him comfortable, and progress? Do I just not think about it and continue flirting?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 503 • Replies: 9
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 02:57 pm
@thatoneguy555,
He sounds like a teenager who is still figuring things out.

Do you have to spend time with him?
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 03:00 pm
@thatoneguy555,
He's a bad tease and is also into manipulating you.

Or perhaps, he can't deal with admitting even to himself that he's gay. Either way, you're on the losing end 'til he understand what is fair and that he is gay or bi ..whatever...and accepts it.
thatoneguy555
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 03:01 pm
@ehBeth,
He's in my group of friends which I see at least twice a week, so, yes.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 03:04 pm
@thatoneguy555,
he's very manipulative..childish. He is not facing his own feelings. All of this little drama is not a joke. He is just not honest..even to himself.

All of this crush stuff..is frankly for 16-yr-olds. Stop allowing yourself to be made into a victim.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 03:08 pm
@thatoneguy555,
it's social, no work requirements - so, no, you don't ever have to spend time with him again

this teen-style drama isn't useful for anyone

he needs to grow up

once he grows up and sorts himself out, you might get back in touch - or by then you'll have moved on enough to not care

____

it probably would be best if you didn't gossip with mutual friends about this - that just leads to ****
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 03:08 pm
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:
'til he understand what is fair and that he is gay or bi ..whatever...and accepts it.


yup

stay away from him til then
0 Replies
 
thatoneguy555
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 03:29 pm
@ehBeth,
I've only "gossiped" to one and she doesn't want to be involved, so yeah.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 07:34 pm
Yeah, I'd stay away, too. He doesn't know what he wants.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2015 07:50 pm
He sounds like a dick, limit your exposure to this toxic lump. You might not be able to avoid him completely, but you don't have to share anything about yourself with him. People like this faux friend like to keep things stirred up, let him find another foil, and protect yourself from his malevolent bullshit.

Sorry, I was unable to translate the Anglo-Saxon into PC speech. He's a liability, avoid him.
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