Dealing with Best Friend's Freeloading Husband thinking my home is a hotel.

Oh hell.

The guy seems kinda passive-aggressive. And a third marriage for both of 'em. Well, you may find you don't have to deal with him for too terribly long.

Bingo! Text book passive-agresssive.
Her own children can't stand him so it's not as if I'm making this stuff up.
It kind of breaks my heart for my friend because I can honestly say she is one of the kindest people I know. She just has a knack for picking real winners...NOT!
Oh well, what can you do? Just need to be there if/when she opens her eyes.
I do have to say, I thought it was odd someone felt it was "considerate" of him to want to hang out in my house alone while his wife and I went out to dinner. Who the heck feels comfortable leaving someone they do not trust or barely like in their home unattended??? Not me! I guess I'm crazy that way.

that was me

you made it clear you didn't want to spend time with him when you were going out with your friend - so, yes, it was considerate of him to offer to bow out of the meal. Your discomfort with leaving him in your home is a separate issue.

You can't have it both ways. You can't not have him at dinner AND not leave him in your house if he's staying at your house.

You might be best off simply not inviting either of them in the future.

______


It can't be easy for your friend trying to balance your uneasiness with/dislike of her husband with her newlywed status.




My grandmothers would have told her to leave you behind as both of them felt spouses came first. Before children, before other family, definitely before friends.

I'm going to interpret your rude reply as someone who is ignorant of all the details. I'm also confident my friend who is more like a sister values my relationship and would not want to choose her husband over our friendship nor have I ever or will ever ask her to do so. I'm not that concerned about her kicking me to the curb, considering this is husband number 3 for her. I've been there for 3 marriages, two divorces and a series of other hardships throughout her life. We have a lifetime of history and I will always be there to support her no matter what she chooses. Anyone that has experienced a loved one being mistreated by their significant other knows exactly how I feel. Her own grown children cannot stand this man for all the things he has put her through. Two of his children do not even speak to him. Sometimes a person chooses to put on blinders and the only thing you can do is be supportive and there for them when/if they choose to see the light.
As far as your grandmother's saying goes, that's nice, but I'm not sure if that's the best advice if the spouse is abusive or creates unnecessary grief. I'm sure your grandmother also felt "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing." Now would be a good time for you to take that advice and be quiet.

I didn't think you'd like what I had to say.

Take it on board if you want, or not.



you definitely wouldn't have liked my grandmothers

___



<giggles>

I'll be back later tonight to see how things are going.

EhBeth,
My beloved grandmother passed away last month so your reference is not at all appreciated. I've already expressed to you that I would appreciate you taking your opinion elsewhere as I no longer find it interesting or useful. With all due respect, Piss off!

I hate to be the odd man out here, but as much as I love my good friends, I would not be comfortable having a stranger hanging out in my house. Even a stranger closely related to my good friend. I'm uncomfortable with idea that someone might get bored and start looking around. I know, I know, its sounds like I have trust issues, I do have trust issues, but Ive had things taken out of my house while relatives and friends have been visiting. I knew everyone in the house and still don't know who took what.

there's no planet that's respect





<still laughing - I feel like I'm posting with Hyacinth Bucket>

This is definitely an old charm statement. Nowadays not to be applied and in her friend's case - she's had 3 husbands already and her friend bamboo.... is still around. In this case, friendship came first and probably will persevere .

I think your best solution is to tell them all to get a hotel room. If your friend wants to see you, she'll make time. If not, then it's her loss not yours.