How to break up with my boyfriend?

Reply Tue 12 May, 2015 08:53 pm
I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. As the relationship started, it was just okay. But I should have known it was going to be a problem when he told me he had a felony and two kids. However, I'm a practical girl and I don't like to judge or dismiss others for mistakes they have made in their lives. So I gave him a chance, although I didn't think it would get this serious, but it did. Okay now the reason why I want to break up with him: Throughout our whole relationship he has mooched off of me. He has kept 1 job and it wasn't for longer than 3 months. I moved into my own apt at the age 19 and he came over to spend the night and ended up living with me rent free! I've had many times where I was starving and struggling and the lights were off. Where was he? Sitting right next to me watching me cry and not even attempting to see what he could do to fix it. Who would watch their gf struggle without the slightest attempt to try to help? Before I moved out he would ask me for money for his probation fees, money to eat and etc, and me feeling bad, if I had it,I would give it, that's exactly what I did. So by the time I move out, I've probably spent about 1,000 dollars on him. He has never taken me out, I always pay when we go out, and I feel completely stupid but I loved him so I did it. Fast foward and now I've probably spent 2,000 on him and he has literally, on my life, probably spent 7 dollars on me since I met him. I've wasted so much money and time on him it's ridiculous. He has had a hard life and has anger issues sometimes and can really be an a-hole. He doesnt show he appreciates things I do for him. He makes up excuses and doesn't even have a car anymore and doesn't even offer to fill up my tank because he never has the money. Guys, it's pitiful. I'm pathetic for sticking around. I moved back with my mom because I was struggling and depressed/suicidal (he was 75% of the cause) so he moved back with his mom. He has two baby mothers and one of them I'm not too fond of. I have a relationship with his 1 year old but not his 3 year old because I don't get to be around him long enough and the 3 year old is very antisocial (no exaggeration). You would think after so long and so many things I've done for him that he would try to help me gain a relationship with his kids but he just says "ohh hes just not used to you yet." Well who's fault is that? To make it worse he doesn't satisfy me emotionally. He's not a phone person but literally never calls and when I call he rarely answers. He blows up my phone when he really needs or wants something. He always wants to see me and when i come to see him all we ever do is sit in my car and look at each other. We stay getting into it. If we go out somewhere it's because it's my idea. His own mother told him he better get it together because she knows I do so much for him. He'll say he'll change but it only lasts for a day. He's basically good for nothing and if I went in any deeper, (because I barely scratched the surface about how trifling he is), then it would be a book. But I never never left for good because I love him but this is detrimental to my life so I know i have to leave. How do I do it? And what should I say? Everytime I've broken up with him he has begged and begged me to stay with him and cries and the whole nine. I definitely learned my lesson. I need a way to get him away from me for good! Please help!
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Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 05:59 am
You love him? Why?

You have not listed ONE redeeming quality this guy has.

Why don't you get a puppy? At least you can train a dog to not **** in the house.
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Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 06:13 am
Right now, today, make reservations at a nice place nearby. An inn, maybe, or a B & B. Plan to go alone. Or call your folks and tell them you're visiting. Tell him nothing of your plans. In fact, tell as few people as possible - just your folks (whether you're staying with them or not) and maybe one trusted girlfriend, but that's it. No one else. Make sure anyone you tell will swear up and down that they will not tell him where you are going although, if he asks, that they will tell him you are physically okay.

Make the plans for a week from today or for this weekend, whichever works out for your schedule or your budget. This doesn't have to be Aruba. It can just be a hotel in a section of your city that you've never been to before.

On the day you are leaving, go to his home. Tell him this –

"I'm sorry, but this isn't working out. It's over."

Tell him in person, and say nothing else, and for God's sake don't apologize. Then leave. Don't let him hug you, don't let him beg, don't let him do anything. Just go. Then park 2 blocks from his home and block him on all forms of social media if you have not already done so.

And go on your short vacation (I am talking no more than 3 days). Turn off social media or, at the very least (absolute minimum) turn off location tracking. You want to fall off the face of the earth for a few days or so.

Enjoy your time off. Take pictures. Stay up and watch movies he doesn't like. Eat ice cream. Read a bunch of books you've been meaning to get to. Go to an art museum or do whatever it is you like. I strongly suggest going alone because so few women do that these days. Go and rediscover yourself. This is not the time for you to complain to your friends about him, or even to scout out other guys. It's more like, take in a show or go to a convention and cosplay as Black Widow for all I care. Do what you, nikki929, love to do. This vacation is for you, and you alone.

When you return, I bet he'll have been frantic, claiming he was concerned for your safety. That's a load of bullshit. He would be more concerned about you leaving him (this is why I'm saying you need to tell your folks, because they will know you're okay and that will deflate this).

If someone screws up and tells him where you've gone to, then either he'll be mad that you left without him (which might make the breakup easier for him) or will try to follow you. If he does, you can always tell him (again!), that it's over and he's ruining your good time. Period. Sometimes people back you into a corner and make it so that you have to be the bitch. So do it! If that breaks everything for good, then that does it.

Be strong. You are not responsible for his actions, even if he plays the guilt card and threatens suicide or any such nonsense.

You are not his keeper or his caregiver.

You are allowed to live apart from him. You are allowed to close this chapter in your story.
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