The Insult Chain Game

Pornographic chick-flicks no doubt, why not watch a comedy sitcom?

I'm thinking of paying Nickfun a visit in the lock-up.

Better not - there's a Wanted poster with your mug on it in there.

Took an old lady to buy a computer today but it didn't work out.

You took a neighbor or a relative to buy an expensive computer she probably didn't need and doesn't know how to use. Helped her take the computer home and "set it up." Told her it didn't work and that you'd get it fixed. Took the computer home with you, now you're using her new computer instead of your own junkie virus riddled computer and if she ever asks about it you say it's still getting repaired. Sound about right?

I'm dressing up as a scientist from a video game this Halloween to go and watch the famous Village Voice Halloween Parade this year.

As long as you're wearing a mask, it will be a great improvement over the way you normally look.

I've got to buy some Halloween candy today.

Shopstealing is your trade mark so don't tell us you're intent to pay for a few bars of candy you 'five finger' thief.

My shareholders gave me a hefty salary increase at yesterday's annual meeting.

Sure they did, Dutchy... I think you were hallucenating again. (But if they did, what are you gonna buy me for Christmas?)

I just finished cleaning two lobsters I'm serving my son and his delightful girlfriend for his b'day dinner tonight.

You couldn't afford lobsters, sure you haven't mixed them up with oysters?

My son is taking me out fishing today.

(What's your Christmas wish Mame? )

(Trip to visit you, of course, D!)

Where are you fishing - the dumps?

I am marinating steaks to go with the lobsters.

(I'm flattered Mame)

Did you rob a bank to put on a dinner like that?

My son will take me out on the open ocean in his cruiser to do some marlin fishing, always very exiting.

You and your equally dim-witted son will be sitting at home playing a kid's game of Go Fish and getting plastered on cheap booze--some excitement.

I have to buy some ink for my printer.

The printer you got from your last B&E, no doubt.

I'm going out with some friends tonight to listen to some Blues.

No need to, being in your compay is enough to make everybody blue, you bad tempered soul.

I had a successful fishing trip with my son, he's a class act.

If he's a class act, he obviously can't be your son.

Just finished a crossword in record time.

So can I when the answers are printed next to the puzzle, don't make out you're clever, you dumb blonde.

I'm playing the organ in Church again today.

Thank heavens it's Saturday when no one is there to listen to your squalling.

I walked the dog again today. She loves walks!

Why don't you walk with her instead of riding in your gopher you lazy sot.

The Vicar complimented me for my organ playing today.

He's the one with the severe hearing loss, isn't he?

Saw a nice romantic movie last night.

Alone, undoubtedly.

Just finished Christmas shopping for a couple of girlfriends.

Another shop stealing spree, haven't you got a conscious?

My neighbours pussy has gone missing again and I'm about to start searching.

Your partner is making you a very special feast tonight. Simply add 1+1 together and you'll KNOW where the cat is now.

Just went to the movie theater to see the quite funny Shrek spinoff, Puss in Boots. Now, I'm eating tropical fruit yogurt parfait from Red Mango before I go home for the night.