Gay or just staring?

Reply Sat 25 Apr, 2015 09:58 am
So I'm Connor. I'm kinda new to this who thing, but I go to a school in Maryland. Its a private school in Southern Maryoand and everyone in the three counties in southern Maryland can go to it. I am a closeted gay, and I have never opened up to anyone. There's a boy, at my school, he lives in calvert (one of the counties) and I live in St. Marys (one of the counties). We are both sophomores, but in the middle of freshman year, we both locked eyes since then. I have always wanted to know if he is gay, but I never had the courage to ask him. He plays lacrosse, and I play soccer, and we have three classes together. Every class he always glances at me, like he stares at me whenever I look at him, and then he immediately looks away. He hangs out with a lot of boys, and usually never girls, and he currently has a girlfriend right now, but I never see them speak. I have a class with him and his girlfriend, and they never speak to each other, and he always glances at me. It's been going on since freshman year. When ever he sees me, he always fixes his hair too. And earlier, he was pretending to hump the air beside me today at our band concert. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was ******* the air, and I giggled. We always used to talk, but it's been growing away since like 2 months ago and it's killing me. We lock eyes everyday, but we never talk anymore, and if we do, it's a short conversation. Whenever I'm talking to my friends about something he knows, he stares at me for a very long period. And whenever I walk near him, he always gets his phone out, or starts to whistle. It's a little confusing deal, but I really wanted to open up on this, and I need answers to think what you think about this. (Good or bad) Thanks!!
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Reply Sat 25 Apr, 2015 10:31 am
He could just be acting silly and provocative, like boys do. YOU may be reading something into this that isn't there. Staring and air ##### do not mean he's interested.

Ask his girlfriend what's going on with the two of them. That ought to answer your question.

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Reply Tue 5 Jan, 2016 08:33 pm
Hi Connor

You are good at describing your thoughts and the situation. My answer really depends on what you want. I guess you'd quite like to find a friend who is gay too. I won't rush down the road towards other things that you might want but being a teenager you often want things that you don't or can't get.

The truth is that you are playing a game with him. I know you think that you are not but you are. You want him to come on to you and you want him to notice you and you do want him to be gay and ... and ... and ... BUT you do not face the situation like an adult. (Why should you? You're not one)

If you want to have a better friendship with him then you need to put time and effort into that. Speak to him more sensibly. Talk to him about everything or anything. Develop a relationship that is built on friendship first. Then there are possibilities later.

Next - do not jump to conclusions. For all we know you are really cool. You may be a guy that lots of people look at and say - wow he's so great. That might make this guy just want to be a friend of yours. He may NOT be gay or even attracted to you. The only way you would ever know is that he might tell you if you became friends.

You are trying to go from A to Z in one move. Try going from A to B or even from A to C or D. Try to get to be a better friend with him. IF that works then fine otherwise just give up and forget him. IF he wants to be friends then he probably will respond. Invite him to do something. Invite him to go to a movie with you. No I do not mean hold hands or anything during the movie I just mean explore a friendship. That is where most things start.

HE is also playing with you. He knows that his glances and stuff are driving you up the wall (possibly positively possibly negatively) Being a teenager this is par for the course. The solution is to act more like a boring old adult. Try friendship. Try talking sensibly with him. If he is incapable or does not want to be friends then just give up on him.

Yes there is a chance that he is gay and is strongly attracted to you. That will emerge later when you have a better ordinary relationship with you.

Playing cat and mouse games is not the answer. I know its difficult but the best advice honestly is to be as sensible as its possible to be and not to jump to conclusions based on skimpy evidence.

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