Possible rape?

Reply Tue 21 Apr, 2015 05:58 pm
Hey everyone, I am new to these forums and could use some honest help. I am a 22 year old gay male, and am recently out of a long term relationship. Ever since my relationship ended, I have been on edge more than usual about hooking up. About 2 and a half weeks ago, I met another guy off of grindr and agreed to meet him out for some drinks. We met at a bar and hit it off pretty well. He was around my age (he was 24) and enrolled in a grad program at an institute in the city. I thought that he was really cute, and the conversation flowed quite easily. I would say this even if alcohol was not involved. I felt as though we genuinely got along. Throughout the night, I only had 3 beers. These beers were Kentucky bourbon ale, and have a higher alcohol content than usual beers. However, I have had them before and was not intoxicated to the point where I felt out of control of myself. I simply had a good buzz going on. We got sandwiches because we were both hungry (this was after our first 2 drinks) and then we went to a different bar for a last drink before returning to his apartment.
I had been the one to ask if I could stay over, seeing as I never feel comfortable driving anywhere after having any alcohol. Initially upon meeting him, I had no intentions to stay at his place. However, after getting to the bar and finishing my first drink, I deduced that I liked this guy and would not be opposed to having some fun/sleeping at his apartment. When we got to his place we fooled around for a bit, and then smoked some weed (another activity I partake in rather regularly). I used his bowl, but I was the one who packed it. He asked me if I wanted a water when he left the room to go to the bathroom, and I declined. He came back with a cup of water for himself, which I saw him take about 2 sips out of. When he was taking a sip, I decided that I wanted one too and I asked him if I could have a sip of his water. He gave me the glass after sipping it, and before I took a sip I asked him if anything weird was in it. He gave me a strange look and just kind of scoffed. I took two quick sips and put it on the nightstand. We did not even smoke the full bowl, but it is around this time that my memory of the night gets a little blurry. I have since tried to piece it together. The last thing I really remember before waking up in the morning was us 69'ing. I had made it pretty clear that I did not want to have sex. He seemed disappointed, but nonetheless said he was going to respect my decision. Neither of us came from 69'ing and we really did not even do it for all that long. I remember us stopping, but after that I cannot really remember much. I really do not ever remember going to sleep. I do not remember what time it was when we went to sleep either, but I do know that it was after 2am. I woke up around 7:40am with a mild head ache and was thirsty. I attributed this to the fact that I had not taken ibuprofen before going the sleep. I did not think anything was out of the ordinary. However, when I went to get my phone off of the night stand on his side of the bed, I noticed an open bottle of lube next to the nightstand on the floor. We never used lube at all throughout the entire night, and I immediately thought that it was weird. After seeing that bottle of lube, I started to get super anxious and paranoid. I am a very safe person when it comes to sex. I wear condoms with all sex partners always. The only person I have ever slept with without protection is my ex-boyfriend who I trust very much. I got my phone, laid back in bed (seeing as he was not awake yet), answered my unasnwered texts from the night, read a couple of news stories, and then dozed off again for about an hour. When I woke up the second time, he was also waking up. He was quickly out of bed and seemed quite busy getting stuff together. He said he had to meet a friend, and I was quickly ushered from his apartment. I never got to ask if we had sex or not, because to my knowledge we did not and I did not want to seem strange. So I drove home, but still could not really piece together what had happened after we quickly had 69'd. I texted him the other night and asked if we had sex or not, and he responded the following afternoon with "No, we didn't have sex" and that was all he said.
Now, I will admit that I am quite anxious in regards to contracting HIV even though I am always very safe (except of course with my ex). I guess what I am asking is, is it possible he slipped something into that water that I sipped twice? If he had, would those two sips have been enough to render me vulnerable to an assault? Like I said, upon initially waking up I had not felt as though anything was amiss. However, upon seeing that lube bottle on the floor by the bed, my anxieties were triggered. That and the fact that I do not really remember how I fell asleep. I have an hiv test scheduled the day after tomorrow, but I guess I am on this forum to get complete strangers' perspectives on if I was vulnerable to assault. Maybe I am overthinking things way too much. Because he also had a couple of sips from the water glass, which means that if he had slipped anything in the glass he would have ingested it too. I even took a sip the following morning before leaving the apartment and never felt strange throughout that day. I know this post is pretty lengthy, but if anyone can logically respond I would really appreciate it.
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 2,204 • Replies: 7
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Reply Tue 21 Apr, 2015 06:41 pm
You suspect lube was used? And you have no idea if it was used on you?

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Reply Tue 21 Apr, 2015 06:53 pm

Good grief! Paragraphs please!

If you think you might have been subjected to a date rape drug, speed is of the essence if you wish to be tested for the presence of such drugs in your body.

I don't know anything about such drugs beyond what I just said, so cannot give odds on how likely it was that you were subjected to one, but maybe someone else here will be more knowledgeable.
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Reply Tue 21 Apr, 2015 08:11 pm
You're possibly being paranoid.

It's more than likely that he had it there in preparation expecting to have sex, after all you went back to his on the first date.

In addition, you have no idea if it was weed or weed with hash, or weed with anything, you don't know this guy from a bar of soap..

Good to get yourself tested, drinking and smoking pot off course is going to lead to something.

I would suggest you refrain from doing that to that excess in the future and go home to your own place until you are ready to be intimate with whom ever you choose.

Beer/pot/ foreplay is going to get you into trouble otherwise, one day, especially meeting via the Internet.
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Reply Wed 22 Apr, 2015 07:03 am
I doubt it was the water. It's far more likely that you were impaired by alcohol + weed.

As for whether the lube had been used, uh, don't you know? I'm not being flip here. You would have felt the aftereffects of sexual relations, and you would not have been immaculately clean of lube unless he really made a serious effort to clean you up (and you would likely have had an aftereffect feeling of that as well).

All highly, highly doubtful.

Want to stay safe?

Then don't drink and smoke with people you don't know.
Reply Sat 25 Apr, 2015 03:26 am
re possible rape water can be spiked they disolve pills or gbh into it
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Reply Wed 6 Jan, 2016 03:17 am

I am not the world'd greatest expert on drinking strong beer and doing marijuana and other possibilities. But you know your own self and what you can take. If you can usually take that amount of alcohol and weed then yes you possibly were exposed to something like GBH. Some people take it to enhance things - others use it to take advantage of others.

Honestly do I think you are paranoid - No- I'd say that you are likely to be right.

You do not wake up doing 69 on someone and not know how it started.

So now what? If you were given GBH then it usually lasts a maximum of about 5 hours. The effects are relaxation, reduced inhibitions, euphoria, confusion, dizziness, drowsiness, sedation, inebriation, agitation, combativeness, and hallucinations. You certainly had some of those.

But it will now be too late to test for it. I very much doubt that someone who has and knows that they are HIV+ or has some other significant health issue has given you a disease such as you fear. But of course you should get tested.

I would put this all down to experience. Yes a very bad experience. When I go out looking for fun I drink water from a bottle I buy and open and do not take drugs of any kind. Yes I know I am boring. But I like to be me when I get to situations where other people want to sample a bit of me.

Get tested. Don't worry and learn one of life's hard lessons about control.

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Reply Sun 29 May, 2016 06:23 am
hey, the only thing that comes to my mind is GHB, it remains shortly in your system, going to the nearest police station and ask to be taken an urine sample or similar the only way to get negative results to be the real thing
it has a salted taste and it´s difficult to pour the right dosis to cause effect and passing unnoticed by the victim
i would get myself tested on the most common sexual illnesses and maybe after i while, i gather some information about the guy, to know whether he is a danger to others or it was once in a life time
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