How To Advise?:Parental Advisory Lyrics.

Lash Goth- What concerns me about that sort of music is the message that it is giving the kids. Also, seeing pictures of slit wrists might just tip the edge on a teenager who is somewhat depressed. If people see enough of this type of stuff (this goes for violence also) they may become
inured to the ramifications of that kind of behavior.

IMO, if she were my daughter, I would sit her down, and have a long talk with her. I would not forbid her to listen to this music, but would attempt to explore what it is about the music that attracts her.

Good Luck!

Can't stop everything-it gets done behind the back. As a parent, if discovered it is eliminated. Have a 17, 14 and 11 - so I am in the middle of the crisis. What troubles me most is that the library lets them go to website I restrict.

When my 17 year old was first caught in unacceptable sites, he had to buy the software to block. Of course, I lectured and part of my lecture is you can't go backwards. You just saw stuff you don't understand and you can't erase.

But, we can't go backwards at that point also. Just looking (and praying) for 8 more successful years, then absolution!

The whole Internet thing worries me. I have the music and the fashion stuff figured out (piercings, shaved heads) but not Internet. I have a cousin who is now 14 and at 12 she had an email address her parents didn't know about that was something like "[email protected]". I gave her a talking-to about that one.

Anyway, in terms of music, I would not forbid anything but would most definitely keep the lines of communication open and learn as much about the stuff as possible. I was into all kinds of crap as a kid and that doesn't mean I was actually suicidal, or whatever. I wrote all kinds of things to my future self at that time about what to keep in mind, and I actually have.

But the Internet wasn't a force when I was a teenager, so I just have an old-fogey's view of it. I guess a lot of the same principles apply, though -- worry less about protecting (though of course do that when you can) than about giving your kids the tools to deal with what they may come across.

sozobe, I was into a lot of things as a kid also and that scares me to death - haaaaaaa!

It's their job to risk life and limb trying to freak you out. It's your job to over react and try to stop them from doing all the things you did as a kid. Ain't that the way the species work? A dynamic tension, as my old physical acting teacher would've called it.

I can't speak to any universals, but from watching myself and people around me, most people get a certain amount of hellraising of some sort out of their system at one age or another. And it may be more productive in the long run for people to get that out of their system before they're expected to enter the "adult" world.

It's important to protect your kids, but you can't do that if you're so restrictive or pedantic that they tune you out (and I'm sure your not, with a handle like LashGoth!). At that age I was an honor student who mainly hung out with delinquents. Some of us still had open lines of communication with parents who were somewhat tolerant, and turned out all right. Others were at loggerheads with their folks, and a lot of them, I'm sad to say, didn't turn out all right. Advice and guidance seemed to work out a lot better than condemnation.

Short answer: as long as there is love and understanding between the two of you, she'll probably (not definitely, but probably, I think) be all right.

(Course, if I have kids, they'll never be allowed out of the house!)

patio says:



then I found the most wonderful companion - alcohol. And folks, that's what scares me to death.

Anyway PD, you are correct. They aren't me and they got to make their own bed - if only they would do as I say!

It's not something I've had to deal with myself. My counsel is definitely that of the childless male!

Thanks, all. Everybody contributed something to ponder.

I do stay close, and most of you say that is about the best I can do.

I do realize if you make a big stand against something, it becomes more appealing to a child. I try to save my BIG stands for the BIG stuff.

I allowed a belly ring, but no hardware in the face!


I was worried about depression, but she now writes in journals about her feelings, and spirits have lifted. Also, we talk about how 'mood music' sells and music industry hype.

Internet hasn't been a problem, yet.

Lash Goth,
I actually listen to a lot of the same music my teens listen to, which is R&B, Hip Hop and Rap. ( I don't care for the Rap) Since I know there are clean versions of the Cd's at Walmart, that's what my teens are allowed to buy. Neither of my kids have given me a fight about it. I don't feel they need to listen to that crap. They play the clean version on the radio, and that's what the kids hear, so what's the need for the potty mouth version?
Both of our daughters have only been allowed to have their ears pierced. Our oldest daughter brought up the idea that she wanted her belly pierced, but we told her no until she turned 18. On her 18th birthday she had her belly pierced.
I think it is important if needed to inforce our views on our children as long as they are still our responsibility, which to me means until they are 18. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't listen to what they have to say, or not consider their feelings. It means that if we feel strongly about something, we have the right to have the final say so.
After all, don't we as parents know what is best for our children, better then what they think they know?

Hahaha! It is funny listning to the world of uptight stiffs like you complain about lyrics in music, how that music should never be created, well too bad.....it is! If you don't want your kids hearing music with violence, drug use, and ......... then don't let them buy the CD's, better yet, don't let them listen to the radio or watch T.V., cause it's there too! If you don't take the time to sit down and explain to your kids what these words mean and why they are bad and why they should not act upon them, then they will most likely take the music seriously. Everyone complains that music corrupts our youth, well where were the parents at when the kid was listning to that music. You can't blame the music industry when the parents are not doin nothing to prevent their kids from listning to it. Yeah, you put PA stickers on the music, but a store is not going to loose 15 bucks to stop a 9 year old from buying a Parental Advisory CD. IT's time to wake up stiffs, if you don't like it, don't listen to it. Freedom of Speech, thank you.

I have three kids, all girls. One is 39, the next 20 and the last is now 17. I also have a 16y.o. grandson who lives with me. I started out believing I could talk to my kids and they would listen, since I felt I was so reasonable and not overly restrictive. And with each child I learned more about the effectiveness of talking. By a certain age, 15 or so, talking does little good at all in influencing kids to do as you feel they should. The time for talking and being involved with your kids is early. Building a strong relationship with your children is the foundation of their own belief systems. By the time they get to be teenagers, your chance is over. By then it's up to them. So I tried hard to build a strong relationship with my kids when I could and later I had to learn that all I could do was hope I'd done a good enough job.

I've always wanted my children to learn to make their own choices and to feel they know what they want, to not feel guilty for trying to get what they want. I believe if children grow up understanding that their choices affect their lives more than anything any other person does or says, then they are well prepared to take their place in an adult society and be productive, contribute to their world. So my kids have sometimes learned the hard way when I was unable to protect them as I wished I could. And they're all doing well. However, I must say my youngest daughter and my grandson (one year apart, and the only ones left at home) are finding it easier to take care of themselves and make good choices than the first two. I think that's because with each child I relaxed more and learned what I could influence and what I couldn't. I've been more willing (and more able, from experience) to let them learn the hard way and they've both learned to be very responsible about thier own lives.

It's not the lyrics to a song or the subject matter of a movie or TV show that affects our children. Some kids are troubled, some depressed, sometimes through no fault of the parent, and these kids will use whatever they find in their world to support whatever they believe to be the way to live their lives. A truly troubled child, or depressed child, and certainly a suicidal child or teen should be helped in whatever way a parent is able. Therapy and sometimes in severe cases even inpatient treatment or medication may be needed. Some kids may have a predisposition to depression and need more help than others. But parents can only do what they can do and trying to do more than you have the power to do will only make matters worse. Sometimes it's best to admit to a teenager, especially older teens, that you know your power to influence them is limited and that you hope they'll use good judgement and come to you for help if it's needed. This kind of dose of reality is often the very thing that's needed.

I don't mean don't have rules or try to enforce them in your own home. But too many rules, too much restriction can backfire. And I see overly restrivtive practices causing more harm in families that I ever have seen with parents who love their children and try to be realistic with them.

I can't agree more. I refer to the wealth of satanic rockers whose parents were preachers.

I agree Craven. How about marilyn Manson? He tells the story that every time he was given a list of albums he shouldn't buy because they contained secret satanic messages (if played backwards) he's go straight to the store and buy them.

Re: How To Advise?:Parental Advisory Lyrics.


I would like to take a diffrent look on this topic! Im a 16 year old girland i listen to metal music all the time! I grew up in a christian home and apply those habitsin my life. The music hasn'r affected me in anyway! I don't listen to manson because I feel it not a good type of music. The walmart banning adviorsy cds sucks though! I have to pay 20 bucks at a music to get a cd with alll the songs on it, one that doesn't change the song lyrics, or the cds of my favorite bands. when you were a kid didn't you listen to music that your parents may not of like? I mean remeber the 1980's? Warrent.. cherry pie? I think you should watch what you kids listen to cause some of its bad! but not all of it.. some people make a bigger deal abput it than it really is worth doing!

Interesting Avatar jersey..............

Welcome aboard A2K

yo, i have gotta comment on this
im 14, and listen to death metal. and used to be suicidal. but im not anymore. me and the other freaks like me listen to it because its how WE feel, because somebody out there actually relates. and i kinda agree with marshall. your the parent. if you dont want them listening to it, then dont let them. i mean, you sit there and complain about it, but your not doing anything about it. honestley, just because we listen to this music doesnt mean we'r suicidal or anything. everybody has problems. live with it. just from me to you, be involved in your kids life, ok? i kno this is off topic right here but im speaking from experience. when they ask you to watch something funny on the internet with them, or when they ask you to play a game with them or sumtin? or listen to their music? dont brush them off and say your busy, or too sick...because whether you see it or not, it hurts.....more than you would think. so be involved. but dont smother them. let ur kid grow a little, give them chores and an allowance and so forth, but again speaking from experience, dont put too much weight on them....ok im done for now...sorry....i get kinda....."involved" if you will

Speaking from your child's point of view, as I can remember when I was about 13 and was introduced to 2LiveCrew and Too Short... My mom freaked out, took my tapes which I promptly went to my friends house and dubbed repeatedly every time she did. Those are rebellious years and she is going to find a way to listen to them with or without your permission... I probably would not have been so insistent had she just let it be. It wasn't the music that really drew me, just that it was something that I wasn't supposed to do and i felt like I was gettin something over on her. Like your memories, music is something that can really never be taken away... no matter how many tapes you destroy

good point
that a good point. but even if i had rules like that, i wouldnt have any fun betraying them. and im a child in the body, not the soul. check my profile and webpages if you dont believe me.

OFF TOPIC

GODSMACK RULZES

hmmph
Honestly, my mother talked to me like I was an adult, let me make my own choices, and advised me often on decisions to make, but that didn't stop me from being a drug addict from the time I was twelve until I was seventeen, nor did it keep me from having three abortions and being in an abusive relationship.

You need to understand that as a parent, your job is to give your children space and let them know they can talk to you. If you freak out over what kind of music they listen to, it's just going to sow the seed of rebellion.

Oh, and I have marilyn manson's bio. He's not a satanist. Get your cards right before you play them please(not trying to sound rude or anything, just a musician thing).

~kalika~