how to deal with bank accounts

Well! He certainly sounds like a lovely fellow!

How about this arrangement...a joint account for household bills, and a separate account for each of you for spending money. All money made by both of you goes directly into the joint account, and any money left after household bills are paid is split evenly between you and him.

Take your money and leave him. He sounds like a pretty lousy spouse.

You're right, afeiya. No joint accounts, mostly because it does sound like you need to be protecting your assets, which is about what NickFun says - in more words.

Foreseeable Problems
Hi afeiya:

It appears that your lazy, video-playing, napping hubby is setting himself up for a free ride at your expense.

The situation would be so much different if he was actually making valuable contributions to the family as a stay-at-home dad. It is admirable when one of the parents takes on the role of "breadwinner" while the other parent takes on the role of taking care of the home and children. Staying at home is probably one of the most difficult, but under-appreciated jobs that a person can have. From what you have said, however, your hubby doesn't appear to be contributing to the family--he appears to be mooching.

On top of his mooching, he is outraged because he wants unfettered access to all your earnings and is threatening divorce if he doesn't get his way.

Do you foresee the problems down the road if this situation continues?

I don't see a problem with a loving, united family unit sharing all their financial resources and making joint decisions how best to expend the funds for the best interests of the family. If all else was going well in your young family, you wouldn't be worrying about getting a separate bank account. But, things are not as well as they should be. The warning signs are screaming out in your post.

The two of you are in this marriage together. The two of you need to clearly define your family roles and expectations. Right now, you have all the responsibility--taking care of the baby, home, and financial security of the family while your hubby lives irresponsibly. This relationship is not balanced; it is not healthy.

IMO, your question concerning separate accounts is merely a symptom of a much bigger problem that is looming on the horizon....

My advice is to gladly give him his divorce, take your money and run. This guy obviously could care less about his family, so I'd move on. He doesn't work, care for your child, or do housework, so why stay?

Good luck to you.

You never really know someone until you know how they handle money. And you know what your husband does - he mooches off you and then threatens to leave when you assert any degree of independence. Divorce isn't, of course, the only option, but from my vantage point as a casual observer, it looks like an awfully attractive option.

I'm with the majority--if he wants a bank account, let him have a bank account with all his hard-earned money.

No Christmas presents for his kid? No baby-minding? No housework? What does he contribute to your marriage besides hissy fits and put-downs?

This guy is a confirmed bachelor and it would be kinder (at least to you and the baby) to toss him back to Unwedded Bliss.

Good luck.

I'm wondering about the 'he's American' reference. I suspect that's got something to do with this. I'm not sure what, but something.

Wife, kids, her parents, American husband - all together.
Where are they living, and what nationality is everyone else?
It may explain the hold he has over everyone.

Good point Beth. That crossed my mind as well.

This thoght crossed my mind. Maybe she would have green card or citizenship issues if she leaves him?

You have a free-loader on your hands, and the best thing you can do for yourself and the children is to divorce this bum. If you stay with him, you deserve all the misery he brings to the relationship.

afeiya--

Returning to the financial question--the one you asked:

In my experience most couples have joint checking and savings accounts with one partner taking responsiblity for paying bills.

From your description of your husband he seems determined to have access to your money--and not for paying the bills. He's threatened divorce.

This is not the way most American men behave. If anything, most American men--the ones who aren't pimps--would be humiliated to live on a woman's earnings and not give anything tangible to the relationship--unless you count abuse as tangible.

Your husband is way, way, way out of line for what is common in this country. Hence the enthusiasm of almost all of the posters on this threat for advising that you get rid of him.

His behavior is not normal--and you need not put up with it.

Yep, he sounds like a complete louse and a moocher. My wife makes more money than I do, and pays most of the bills, but we each have seperate accounts in our names, and one joint account strictly for bills, which neither of us touch for extras. He is not being fair with you, and as Noddy pointed out, this is not normal behaviour.

He's threatening divorce? Some threat! Tell me how that would be worse for you than you have it now. You'd have one less person to support and a lot less hassles.

Tell him to go ahead and divorce you. He'd be doing you a favor.

I wonder who's gonna end up paying for the divorce?

Besides all that, you don't need his permission to open a private account, and he doesn't have to know. How long have you been married?

Afeya-My concern is that if you tell your husband that you want a divorce, he may run off with the money, leaving you penniless, with a baby. If I were you, I would have a long talk with an attorney, who will advise you how to protect your savings.

All she has to do is transfer the money to an account in her name before she tells him, though.
Although I'm sure he will try some trick or other, perhaps running off with the baby. Then he can get welfare to pay for the baby while he plays video games.

My point is that afeiya needs to get her preparations all set BEFORE she tells her husband. When she plans to tell him, she needs to have the baby out of the house, perhaps with her parents.