I've Learned That.........

1. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

2. The one thing that unites all human beings,

regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe

that we are above
average drivers.

3. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.

4.

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. The main

accomplishment of almost all organized protests
is to annoy people who are not in them.

6. You should not confuse

your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way
to take it too seriously.

8.

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always
one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to
take

command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and

"mental
illness."

10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

11. Never lick a steak

knife.

12. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.

13. You will

never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight
savings time.

14. You

should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can
see an actual

baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a

big deal about your birthday. That time is
age 11.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why

the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its
full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.

18. And when God, who created the entire

universe with all
of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He
WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person

on cable TV with a
bad hairstyle.

19. Your friends love you, anyway