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Sorry it's long. I need help! Possible abuse by soon to be fiancé.

 
 
kcn
 
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 10:20 pm
Ok so me and my bf have known each other for about 6 years, we dated in high school but didn't work out but kept in touch. His parents are separated and his last gf was abusive towards him by throwing thing and hitting. Well in October 2013 we started dating again and everything was great I had just gotten out of a bad relationship as did he so we were happy to have each other. Long story short, we had our ups and downs during the first year since our exes would not get out of the picture, and something that strained our relationship was his ex girlfriend sending me an old tape of them having sex and her hacking into his phone and texting me( she works for a telemarketer ) but between all of this my trust has been compromised because I feel like he is hiding something, I mean there is a reason she keeps stirring up drama?

She's done it three times the last being December. Going into our 3rd year, 2nd in a relationship I noticed around last year in November thing seemed to change. Yes we had our occasional fights but they started to become more regular. Also he had this thing with calling me a bitch, stupid or "you're acting like a bitch" I didn't like it and eventually he stopped but going into this year we've been arguing every other week. And one night in January we got into a big argument and he backed me into the couch and put his hand around my neck, enough for me to forced my hand through to break the grip. He was so angry he didn't even realize he did it until I told him and then he got mad at me for sayid it because he didn't believe me. I never got an apology... This anger kept evolving and he would punch walls and the steering wheel just something when he was mad. He also began to get really controlling in my eyes and still is. If I mentioned to him that I felt like he was he would get angry and we would have an argument.

I can't have guy friends, can't go out to a bar or club or even dinner(I'm in college) he hates most of my friends and doesn't want me talking to them or hanging around them he wants to know everywhere I go and if I don't tell him my plans or if I decide to do something within plans he know he is upset. He got upset at me one day because I got lunch with a friend(guy) after my clinicals all day. When I was honest and told him of my day he got mad and gave me the silent treatment for a day. I had to apologize constantly and I've been saying I'm sorry more than he has in a month. He never says it! About a month ago we got in another big fight. My grandmother was sick while I was on spring break and he was also dealing with problems. We had some miscommunications and he thought I didn't care and blah blah blah, he came over the next night and we were watching a movie well he brought up the situation and tried to leave and I tried to stop him by blocking the door because he ignored and cuts me off everything I'm talking. Well He grabbed my wrist and yanked me forward, as I came forward I don't know what happened... If he deliberately put his hand up or if it was a freak accident but I ended up with a busted bottom lip and fell to the floor shocked and crying. I told him to get away from me and he was apologetic and saying it wasn't him to do that, I'm sorry etc afterwards he had a panic attack and I found my self caring for him.

Afterwards we had makeup sex and he never talked about it again. Lately the signs are getting stronger and he never listens to me but always finds something wrong with me to pick on and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and he notices because I'm scared to say what I feel since he is so sensitive and easily angered. But when I get angry I have no reason and he gets away with to much! I've been searching signs and they're there I just can't believe that it's happening. Will it get worse, am I exaggerating... I really just need to vent and get advice, I need someone to talk to!
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 950 • Replies: 14
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roger
 
  2  
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 10:56 pm
@kcn ,
This is not the husband you are looking for. Look elsewhere.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 11:02 pm
@roger,
I'm trying to figure out how this guy is soon be be her finance roger.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 11:09 pm
@chai2,
You can be mine, chai, but I'm not cheap.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2015 05:33 am
@kcn ,
Why the hell would you ever even so much as consider escalating the intimacy of a relationship where violence and isolation are escalating?

Forget his ex. What's she is doing is immaterial.

This man tried to choke you. He calls you nasty names.

Do you need a black eye or to lose a few teeth before you figure out what's going on?

Get out now. Breakups are always easier, faster, and cheaper than divorces. Get out while you're younger, have less debt, and don't have any kids.

Contact your parents or friends and ask to stay with them until you get on your feet. Ask friends (yes, guy friends) to help you move your stuff out.

Then do it.
kcn
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2015 08:32 am
To the few. I'm not looking for low blows I'm looking for help, we were going to have a baby but I miscarried and we had a convo about engagement during that time. But of course he wouldn't be now.
kcn
 
  2  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2015 08:33 am
@jespah,
Thank you jespah
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2015 08:50 am
@kcn ,
You are being physically assaulted and socially isolated.

You need to get out.

Talk to your family about this and get their support while you are leaving the relationship.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2015 09:22 am
@kcn ,
It's time to pack, and line up your financial ducks. And contact your family. Seriously. Unless your family has abused you, then even if you do not get along with them or they are in another country, they are still a far better option.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2015 10:18 am
He's a nut case abuser. He and the last GF probably had this kind of abusive relationship and that's whats he's used to.

Get out NOW!! This is only going to get worse. He sounds like a sociopath.
kcn
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Apr, 2015 09:23 pm
@ehBeth,
Thank I am trying now. Every time I make a move though it seems like he's right there! I have no space to move around with, but I have told my friends and they are helping.
kcn
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Apr, 2015 09:25 pm
@jespah,
I can say I have a good family and if they knew of this they would be deeply sadden. I kinda just got in and stuck, after the first time I just said I'll deal with it and that was stupid of me.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Apr, 2015 09:25 pm
@kcn ,
Take care of yourself.

I am glad to hear you have told your friends and that they are helping.

Making sure you are not isolated from friends and family is very important in situations like the one you are in.
kcn
 
  2  
Reply Fri 17 Apr, 2015 09:27 pm
@PUNKEY,
They had a bad one, she would throw things and hit him, her household was abusive and probs still is. He also is dealing with trapped feelings from his parents divorce... He doesn't believe in therapy and I just know most of his anger is stemming from that which he converts and takes out on me.
0 Replies
 
kcn
 
  2  
Reply Fri 17 Apr, 2015 09:28 pm
@ehBeth,
I'm trying to stay close to them I'm having a talk with my parents soon, I just can't take no more of this. Thank you for your kind words.
0 Replies
 
 

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