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Thu 9 Apr, 2015 02:22 pm
Please help me understand my boss' behaviour. I've worked with him for approx 4 yrs, he's older and single. Things changed approx. 3 yrs ago when he interlaced his fingers with mine when i passed him something and flirting for a year: smiling, staring, long eye contact, and look at my lips alot . I began to wonder what all this was about? Talking to other men at work he'd often come up to speak to them or interrupt. At a party his friend who i dont know was chatting to me about karaoke, my boss came over, sat opposite us in silence. Never uttered a word! At work dinner I smiled to greet 2 older male co-workers who'd arrived. I then smiled to greet him-he stared straight at me unblinking. I looked away uneasy. He then sat beside me. What's with staring? During this time he'd come to my desk,posturing or touch items on my desk and make innuendos. Approx 2yrs ago i was transferred office by another manager. The next year at evening out we were back to usual chit-chat with smiling etc. Sat next to each other he brushed arm against mine twice, then touched inside of my crossed leg (inside knee). That seemed unusual. we were talking and turned to being single. He said I wouldnt believe him he's shy to ask girl out. Is he shy at that age? About 2 year ago we were at a meeting and he began praising me in front of others -about 3 times. I felt happy, but awkward as it was excessive. I smiled whilst looking down at my paper. After a short time i looked up, and a strange feeling - he was still looking at me, his eyes really looking into me. I smiled but felt off-balance. There's been a few times when ive been near him he's stood still, staring like "rabbit in the headlights" Why so formal with me? He's not like that with others unless he's put on spot. Offices have changed and things have been nippy. Curt emails, crossed words. Things have settled. Older female colleague said she felt he didnt want her around when i came into the room, so she went away. Another lady said she thought he'd a fancy for me with staring. When both in staff room alone recently he told me he was single not dating. Why is he telling me? He also seems to be adding into conversations he likes things I like ..girly things. I really honesty dont know what to make of him...does he dislike me?
@prettypolly,
If it were me, I would start looking for another job or go to the personnel department and request a transfer to a location other than where he is located.
I would also make a point of privately and politely, but firmly, telling him that his actions are not appreciated and not wanted. You may also want to start keeping a log to document all these incidents.
Look in your company's employee handbook for their policy on sexual harassment.
Polly - WHAT is it that you want to know? You sound like your major concern is why he hasn't formally asked you out, since he is single and so are you.
So - why does he play these games?
He's socially very immature, for sure. He could also be involved with someone else or even be gay, who knows?
Are you bold enough to even ask him what's up? He needs to be confronted about his behavior for sure. But I can't figure out if you like it or it bothers you.
@PUNKEY,
Thanks, I was flattered to begin with, ofcourse. However as time went on I became puzzled about what the function of his behaviour is.... Im not so sure it's genuine attraction (he's never been upfront only to tell me he's single, not dating and interested in females my age. He's said he's shy and its difficult for him to ask girl out, particularly as he's older. For some reason I never believe a guy who tells you he's shy....) At his party there were no sig. others. He did say once that someone might say he's being staring at them like a sexual predator, and if reported something would be done about it....Now Im puzzled and would like to know what its all been about and wondered if folks had any ideas? He has been single a long time i believe, being the boss, folk tend to chatter. My friends think different things...some think its attraction but he's shy and so nothing has been upfront, others think its forms of sexual harrassment. I'd just appreciate an independent voice really....what would you make of it if it happended to you for such a long time? Thanks very much, x
@prettypolly,
P.S re gay query, I've thought of that, esp when he brings up girly things I like into conversation like a comment i made that i like crystal, he'll say he has a special crystal whatever...when i laughed at the thought of him with it, he'll qualify good-naturedly. He's very much into sports and a "mans man" and comments about crystal of all things seem incongruous!
@Butrflynet,
Thanks for your reply. Have you had experience similar to me? do you think things will settle down? My friends have all said different things, one of which was it being forms of sexual harrassment. I noticed as well that innuendos were usually sexual and he'd quite often go straight to loo after talking to me! Probably means nothing but its an observation. Does it not just die away or does it escalate? ...im loathed to go near any PR dept (they are usually on management side tbh) and not to think what it might do to my reputation. I've worked very hard to get here, and whilst I was attracted intiially to him, I'd never overstep my mark....I suppose thats why ive never confronted him about it all....im shy, but also aware of my professional obligations / reputation.
He lacks social skills, in fact they are quite weird. Maybe he has adult aspergers syndrome (google it) or some other social issue where his interactions with others can seem "odd.'
If you DO want his attention and want to go out with him then speak up.
If you are uncomfortable with his behavior and want it to stop, then speak up!
I can't figure out WHAT you want, as your posts are so wishy-washy.
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