In the wake of so many bush whacking goodies...

With the presidential election drawing near and Bush and Kerry at a seeming deadlock, I've decided, out of the goodness of my heart, to write a campaign speech for Bush that will guarrentee his win.

Here goes.

I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, THE BEGINNING AND THE END. I AM THE CREATOR AND DESTROYER. I AM YOUR SUPREME LEADER AND GOD. I WILL SLAM MY FIST DOWN UPON THE MIDDLE EAST AND THEY WILL PERISH. MY EVERY STEP WILL ECHO THROUGH TIME AND SPACE AND ALL WHO OPPOSE ME WILL BE CRUSHED LIKE GUMMI BEARS UNDER A HAMMER. HOW CAN KERRY CHALLENGE A PERFECT AND IMMORTAL GOD?

YOUR TAX CUTS HAVE BEEN DENIED. SOCIAL SECURITY IS FOR THOSE WHO EXPECT TO LIVE PAST 30. MEDICARE IS FOR THE OLD AND WEAK. PEACE IS A TRAGEDY. TOLERANCE IS FOR YELLOW BELLIED CHINESE SILKWORMS. EQUALITY IS FOR THOSE UNFIT TO SURVIVE. WAR IS PROGRESS. KILLING THE WEAK PROTECTS THE FUTURE.

NUCLEAR ARSENAL CONTROL IS A LIE. ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS A WASTE. RAIN FORESTS PRODUCE WOOD, THEREFORE THEY SHALL BE CUT. WHALES AND SEALS SERVE NO PURPOSE. THEY WILL BE KILLED AND THEIR FLESH EATEN. FREE WILL LEADS TO ANARCHY. HUMAN RIGHTS HALTS PROGRESS. IF YOU ARE FOREIGN, YOU ARE A TERRORIST. THE GENEVA CONVENTION IS PROPAGANDA. IF YOU THREATEN ME, YOU WILL BE TORTURED AND KILLED FOR MY PLEASURE.

YOU WILL SERVE YOUR IMMORTAL GOD. YOU WILL OBEY MY EVERY COMMAND OR FACE UTTER DOOM. THE CONSTITUTION IS OUTDATED. THERE WILL BE ONE LAW, AND THAT IS MY WILL. MY WILL WILL BE YOUR LAW AND MY FIST WILL BE YOUR PUNISHMENT. YOU WILL GRAB YOUR MATE AND PROCREATE IN MY GLORY. HEALTHY BOYS WILL BE ENLISTED IN THE ARMY. WEAK LITTLE GIRLS WILL WORK IN THE MINES. ALL DISEASED INFANTS WILL BE CULLED FROM THE HORDE AND THEIR GENETIC PARENTS INCINERATED. THE NEW REGIME HAS NO PLACE FOR THE WEAK.

I AM YOUR NEWFOUND GOD. I WILL DRINK THE FLUIDS OF OUR MIDDLE EASTERN ENEMIES AND DANCE UPON THEIR CORPSES. I HAVE THE POWER OF AN ENTIRE NATION, I HAVE THE POWER TO DESTROY ALL WHO OPPOSE ME. VOTE FOR ME OR FACE TOTAL ANNIHILATION.