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Does this paragraph read well? Does it require revision

 
 
aja2015
 
Reply Fri 27 Mar, 2015 09:43 pm
BTW, the rules of St. Patrick affect nearby parishes.

"In accordance with the guidelines of the Parish of St. Patrick, the Anticipated Mass for the celebration of Easter this coming Saturday should start at 9 o’clock p.m. However, considering the difficulty and inconvenience of celebrating the mass on such a late hour, the Berkeley Square Community sees it best to cancel our Anticipated Mass for Easter. The regular schedule of our Anticipated Sunday Mass will resume on April 11 at 5 o’clock p.m. Thank you. "
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 884 • Replies: 6
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fresco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Mar, 2015 12:34 am
@aja2015,
Quote:
"In accordance with the guidelines of the Parish of St. Patrick, the Anticipated Mass for the celebration of Easter this coming Saturday should start at 9 p.m. However, considering the difficulty and inconvenience of celebrating the mass at such a late hour, the Berkeley Square Community sees it best to cancel our Anticipated Mass for Easter. The regular schedule of our Anticipated Sunday Mass will resume on April 11 at 5 p.m. Thank you. "

I suggest the above corrections. Note too that the use of capitals for "Anticipated Mass" and "Community" looks somewhat unusual unless that is an established local convention.
aja2015
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Mar, 2015 12:38 am
@fresco,
Thank you, Fresco. I will look for better word to replace community. But aside from those mistakes, do I have to rewrite the announcement to make it readable perhaps?
fresco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Mar, 2015 12:45 am
@aja2015,
No. It's readable.
0 Replies
 
knaivete
 
  2  
Reply Sat 28 Mar, 2015 04:48 am
@aja2015,
May all the other imaginary beings forgive me for what I am about to do.

The Easter mass scheduled for 9pm his Saturday has been cancelled. Saturday mass will resume at 5pm on April 11.

proofreadmyfile
 
  0  
Reply Mon 20 Apr, 2015 06:39 am
@aja2015,
Hi aja2015,
You have written "start at 9 o’clock p.m." and "April 11 at 5 o’clock p.m." but it should be "start at 9 p.m." and " April 11 at 5 p.m." Smile
0 Replies
 
knaivete
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Apr, 2015 02:28 am
@knaivete,
I was hoping someone would admonish that this wasn't 'his Saturday' it was 'His Saturday'.
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