Some of Ronnie's other heroisms

I understand there was an official party on hand three days after the intenment, just in case!!

I know it's out of line, criticism by a non-citizen, but Time magazine laid it on SO friggin' thick!! You'd think there never was any other President of the USA, or if there was they didn't do anything of note (like putting a man in space or a man on the moon, or open the door to China, or pushing for civil rights, or sleeping with Marilyn Monroe - c'mon everyman in the country wanted to and here's the President doing it!! USA!! USA!! What a guy!).

No mention of his ruining the careers of fellow actors or honouring fallen SS in Bitburg. Doesn't anyone get it when he said "We start bombing in five minutes', he actually meant it! Ronnie would have cheerfully started an all-out nuclear exchange if it meant finishing off the Evil Empire in the deal.

If fate had just turned some different corners here and there, Ronnie would have been, I think, the perfect partner for Princess Di.

The bond between the US and Britain would have been indestructible henceforth. And the economies of both countries would have gained enormously from the sale of commemorative plates and mugs.

howdy di...nice to see you. If you're moved in, I'll be passing through your town in a few weeks. A visit in order?

Dear Mr. Pond-like Person:

I'm afraid you've forgotten:
* Performed "Twist and Shout" at the Hollywood Bowl
* Taught Helen Keller to speak
* Shot down the Klingons when they invaded Mars
* Invented Liquid Paper
* Appeared in the Ricola commercials
* Started the Internet (not that upstart Al Gore)
* Wrote War and Peace (but didn't make it Russian. That was the nasty Evil Empire)
* Wrestled an alligator while riding the back of a great white shark
* Saw dead people. All the time.

Was the first person to slice bread.
Urinated pristine, crystal clear mountain water.
Banged Paris Hilton.

he banged Paris Hilton? That must've been his swan-song.

-Suggested assembly-line to Henry Ford
-Was the fifth Marx Bros, Ronno
-Rescued MIAs in Vietnam, but refused to star in film of this (they had to use Stallone)
-Invented R'n'B and the Motown Sound
-Pliloted early super-sonic craft into near-space (The Ron Stuff)
-First man to both the North & South poles
-Brokered peace deals in 24th century Cardassian-Klingon war
-Led Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, altho not actually Jewish - an honour stolen by a kosher pickle merchant, Moses
-Designed most of the most popular US postage stamps of the 20th Century
-Cured Jane Fonda's frigidity

- Showed Elvis how to shake his hips
- Gave Bill Gates some start-up money
- Swam the English Channel in record time
- Ran the Iron-man marathon 7 times
- Was the inspriation for sheriff Brody in Peter Benchley's Jaws
- Was the first choice to play Captain James T Kirk
- Invented Duct tape

Designed all of Nancy's gowns
Recommended Charlton Heston for the role of Moses in Ten Commandments
Mentored A.Einstein
Invented Velveeta

I'm having a mad craving for jelly beans.
Why?

* Walked a tightrope between the twin towers
* Invented the pooper-scooper
* Suggested radio to Marconi
* Jammed with Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock
* Brought the Voyager starship safely back to earth
* Wrote the script for Annie Hall
* Opened up China to Western tourism
* Developed the laserjet printer
* Cleaned the Augean stables

- Was the only survivor of Little Big Horn
- Planted the bomb that almost killed Hitler
- Was the REAL pilot of the Spirit od St. Louis
- Discovered Americonium
- Patented Prozac(c)
- Discovered alternative fuel source, but kept it hidden

* Was the first to put mustard on hot dogs
* Invented baseball
* Made sure all children in Milwaukee, Wisconsin have at least one pair of sneakers
* Cooked the last supper
* Generated electricity from a comb, some Brill Cream and the hair of a small dog

Sorry jespah - it was Richard Nixon who jammed with Hendrix at Woodstock. Ronnie was a last-minute replacement for Jerry Garcia (the 'bad acid' - remember?)

Oh yeah ...

But Ronnie did hurl a perfect game in the '56 World Series.

And competed in the '56 Olympics as well. Won a gold in swimming and a two silvers for the javelin if I remember correctly.

Well, he woulda won a gold in the javelin, too, if it were not for the unfortunate "accident". I mean, do the rules say anything against aiming the javelin at someon- er, something?

OK - he did hurl the thing at the Soviet judges, but he got some great distances, didn't he??

Re: Some of Ronnie's other heroisms


Actually this is not true. There are absolutely no accurate reports of any pushing.

... and so many masterly acting performances! What skill, subtlety, depth!