Wed 18 Mar, 2015 02:00 am
I met my now boyfriend 6 years ago when I was a freshman in college and he was a sophomore. The nature of our relationship was very innocent- we liked each other but we never did anything sexually until about a year ago, when we randomly reconnected. He was very popular amongst the ladies...very active and sexually alive, from what I've learned about him. I was a 17 year old virgin at the time, very inexperienced. I did loose my virginity in a very un-special and insignificant way. Then I dated and had a lot of meaningless sex. I've never had an orgasm and I would like to one day experience that.
So we've been dating for going on a year now & the sex was lovely at first. However, as we've grown closer and gotten reacquainted and more comfortable with one another, the passion has drastically died down. We share the same bed, but we are intimate maybe once or twice every two weeks. I've spoken with him, cried to him and joked with him amongst other tactics to hint to him that I wish to explore more things. But to no avail. He's quite nonchalant and he promises some change, but after months, hasn't delivered. I've tried talking to I'm about it and it's only embarrassing to the both of us. What's even more embarrassing is trying to come on to him, in an attempt to turn him on, but I am literally so out of my comfort zone - I'd feel more comfortable if he pursued me.
He's not gay because I've seen his porn history and its very straight. And he obviously has some kind of sex drive if he's watching pornography, right? I'm nervous because I am in it for the long haul- I am totally invested and plan on spending a lifetime with this man, however I am also a raging sexual being with wants, desires and needs. There is a fire burning inside me and many times, I've explained to him my desperate need to further explore my sexuality. And unlike him, I haven't had the chance to sleep around with other people to fulfill these curiosities. I love this man and we are perfect and healthy in every other aspect of our relationship - but, yet and still, I can't help but feel like I am settling for less. This is the last problem I'd ever think id have. Please help!!!
Perhaps this issue is not YOUR problem. It could be his.
However, another possibility exists. He may not want to be direct and offer constructive criticism advice. Is it possible your lack of experience is affecting him? Is he suggesting activities or positions that you're not interested in?
Maybe he is frustrated that you never have an orgasm. If so, he is showing it in a funny way. if this is the case, he needs to make some changes in his technique of turning you on and extend the time to help you reach an orgasm.
One of two things might be happening: You may have the wrong partner or he needs a wake-up call. Have you thought about taking a break in the relationship? He needs to know that you're serious..and you need a fulfilling relationship that includes a regular sex life.
Have you suggested counseling - either as a couple or individual therapy? After all, you're talking about a perm commitment. Is he on-board for a lifetime commitment too? You didn't say whether or not he is too.
What has your experience with other men. Been like?
Sounds like he has a low sex drive and you have a high one. So - this does not get better over time. In fact, it will become a HUGE problem later.
Those years when you should have been exploring and finding out about yourself and other men, you were tied up with him. Now, it's come back to haunt you . . .
He's either bored, overworked, depressed, indifferent to his partner, giving at the office (has something on the side), or low testosterone.
At his age, he should be close to his "prime" sexually. He needs a complete physical.
Really think about if you are going to invest any more time into this relationship. Frustration is awful to live with.