Handsy Husband

Is this new behavior? Does he work? Have you talked to him about going out and finding couple friends and doing things together and your need to spend time with female buddies.

Where this is heading is ... he puts even more sexual pressure on you for frequent but meaningless sex, and you feeling more isolated from any future friends and activities.

Couples counseling is in order ASAP

What the hell? Sexting random guys??? With a fake name and photos? Did he have an explanation for this?

I second the concern about isolation. Isolating behavior can often be a prelude to, or a warning sign of, abuse. If he is demanding sex and you're not interested, and he's ignoring your feelings in the matter ....?

Yeah, that might be where this is going, too.

He's insecure and controlling. I know because I've been married to that type of man for 18 years. Get the f out now would be my first tip.
But, like me you won't.
I am slowly getting through to my husband that I actually have to "want" to have sex with him. That doing nice things for me, treating me well and making me important are all part of me wanting to have sex with him.
I'm contemplating divorce anyhow so....
But when he makes you feel bad about wanting to go out and isolates you...that is a controlling behavior.
I hope you don't have children.

Reading your partner's text messages is also a warning sign of abuse. It isn't clear which one of them is at risk...

I suggest divorce.

I am sorry TrustButConfirm, but this bothers me. I will give everyone a hint... if you are spying on your spouse, then you are one who is exhibiting controlling behavior.

I still recommend divorce (for both of you), but everyone should take responsibility for their own behavior.

Thanks for your recommendation. But the fact that she has not been with this guy for 18 years and does not have two young (we didn't start a family until 7 years into our marriage and I'm 6 years older than him) children 12 and 9 leaves her in a much better position for divorce. Not to mention my husband has had counciling for his controlling behavior and tries much harder.
As for reading his text or hacking an account....bah. Sure it could be a sign of being controlling but I can tell you that until trouble started in my marriage I never exhibited this kind of behavior. When you seriously start having doubts to his fadelity and healthy respect for you this stuff plays out. And for some women who are much less confident in themselves they are trying to find their own worth to this partner. Sad to say even being caught does little to motivate him unless he all out has a sexual relationship with them.
Making people feel like freaks when they are struggling is not helping at all at any level.
Good for you if you have never walked a mile in our shoes.
Not to mention that in her post she does not ask anyone to give her a shrink session. I think the best answers would come from people who have gone through this and have useful advice even if it goes against your moral judgment.

I meant that unless she finds that he has had a sexual relationship she probably will not make a move towards divorce.

Zenpookie
What is going on now.
If you don't have children and he won't see a marriage therapist ( doubt this makes a difference really) my best advise to you is get the hell out now and don't get involved with another man until you yourself have had therapy and you don't get caught up in another controlling relationsh.
If you are like me you are drawn to them by their display of concern and caring that later manifests into control. If he has some freaky sex problem on top of that do you really want to invest the major amount of time it would take for him to over come this...that being he even wanted to as insisting is not going to produce much results. People who want help get help, they don't hide it away so they can continue. I think it's a dang good thing you found this out. I don't know what other fuel you would need to be honest but I do know your level of insecurity.

I would like to add that if you have reasonable assumptions, especially when you have known the person for many years, of their infidelity I don't personally consider it a controlling behavior to check those things out. Just never friggen tell them. This is about preservation. About evidence. At this point if I found my husband at lunch with an attractive woman and had major doubts because of his behavior... I'd say... He is all yours honey.