Please correct this

Every person would say this in a different way. Given what you say you are trying to accomplish, Mani, I will just rewrite what I think you are trying to say in the way I might say it. I myself might say it in different ways on different days.

Others may say it in a way you like better, but here goes:

I would be extremely grateful if I were afforded the benefit of assistance from the Korean Government Scholarship Program in order to complete my master's degree. I would show my gratitude by thereafter happily volunteering my services to Korea for an extended period of time. I would then like to return to my home country with the hope that I could use my training to contribute to the progress of the people there.