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Tue 15 Jun, 2004 09:13 pm
this is a bit of an embarrasing topic, but...thats ok.
I love girls. let me just get that out of the way with. when i see them, it is unspeakable beauty...poetry in motion. I'm definitely not gay. so don't bring it up.
but when I actually get in bed with them, it seems boring...rarely can they get me off, i could go for many hours but see no end in sight, but i can usually make them orgasm (which ive heard is supposed to be rare...)
but if i look at pornography, i can do it myself easily.
i am confused because I am with a girl and I love her and I want to experience pleasure from her intimately, but it seems I can only give it...so it makes things difficult, because obviously if shes not seeing results shes going to feel inadequate, and im going to feel bad.
advice?
Have you tried just closing your eyes and thinking about Whoopi Goldberg? Works for me...
I don't know...maybe YOU have to be attracted to these girls on another level that you're not...maybe you're not physically attracted to them at all...
How many women have you slept with, and have any "done it" for you?
Maybe you gotta find that special girl..you know, a real dirty one that could suck start a Harley.
heart warming as it may be to get such advice from our resident relationship counselor, slappy.... he is here first. I couldn't figure out what to say myself.
Is it a lack of emotional/intellectual connection that's missing maybe? I mean, porn is porn, and any guy can get off on that, but is that what you want in bed, or is it something more?
Dan Savage in his "Savage Love" advice column has talked several times about the perils of getting too used to the way you do things, yourself. He usually advises making sure you don't do it the same way every time. He's had several of these columns, probably easy to find via Google.
And since I mentioned Dan I can't help but channel him real quickly -- I know you're not gay, but what kind of pornography is it? What DOES make you hot? (If you can answer without getting too racy for this board, of course... part of why I'm hesitant to link directly to Dan's column...)
haha
well
i am very attracted to the girl im with now, physically, and emotionally. i would happily marry her, although thats just a fool's dream.
girls have "done it for me" before...but its never easy. im not sure if i have like a physical problem where im just not as physically sensetive...because for example i never really felt anything during sex...when i do get off, its always from an idea, not from physical stimulation. im not sure if thats normal
Dan Savage's columns can be found on theonion.com website, under "AV Club." Some of those letters are hilarious.
There's no shame in getting off on an idea. Women do it all the time.
I don't know man...think about goats, frozen hotdogs, whatever you gotta think about to get off...nobody's looking in your head.
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:I don't know man...think about goats, frozen hotdogs, whatever you gotta think about to get off...nobody's looking in your head.
I understand that goats and hotdogs are some women's most common fantasies, depending on where they live. Poor gus.
is it normal to not get a lot of physical stimulation out of sex though? are there working 'remedies' to increase the sensetivity of the organs?
I thought it was guys who were 'visual'. Isn't a visualization an idea?
From what I understand, guys can be more or less sensitive depending on their age, their health, etc. Probably many things factor into it.
There are dime-store stimulating gels and such, but I don't know if they work. Maybe consult your doctor?
Do you suffer from depression?
stuh505,
Sometimes it can be a matter of the speed at which you do it yourself.
Many of the do-it-yourself vs. real-thing problems center on getting used to a rythym that is possible with one's self but not as easy with real sex without causing injury to all involved.
6/15 dan savage column link. great writer and always a good laugh or two.
http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0424/savage.php
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