Wed 18 Feb, 2015 01:12 am
Any advice to help me get through this?
It seems more like a horrible tv drama. We sometimes faught, but mostly we were happy. We both had anger issues, selfish attitudes and laziness. Many marriages suffer from similar things but you have to work on your issues. But how can she betray my trust with the lying and secrets. She has been mixed up with this thief or liar for about 2 and half years. He is a lawyer in England but a teacher in Japan. He swindled and lied to her. Its a real complicated story. She is easy to believe or gulable about things in life. Easy to believe supernatural and alternative medications. My wife and him thought up some crazy dream world. It all started with my sperm rejecting her egg. My sperm was fine but her egg was difficult. She asked my friend for his sperm because it might be more acceptable. He agreed and both cooked up this crazy scheme. He wanted a baby sister for his daughter and my son a baby sister.
They wanted to join the two families together. Of course without my knowing. Selfish actions on their part. Later they loved each other because she was her father. Ohh did I mention he is 60 and she is 43. But she still lived the lie with me. Never hoping I would find out. But the last three years have been hell. She always felt guilty so her actions and short fuses blossomed. Asking for divorce and punching and scratching. I sometimes would retaliate causing more problems. Feeling guilty she had trust issues with me and made me feel really small. She was doing this all along in front of my nose and with my best friend. I saw the red flags and got her phone one night and took pictures and got evidence to confront her. She denied and lied to the end and finally she broke down and cried and told me the whole truth. Well I don't know everything is the truth, but she confessed about all the crazy ideas she had with him. It was a miserable three or four days. Going through all the emotions. The kids suffer the most through this situation and my 12 year old son mostly and the 1 and half year old girl. He will be scarred because of our fighting and most of it was because of her guilt these last couple years. The name calling and vicious cycle of fighting. I'm guilty to and I take the blame for many things we could have avoided. I think her plan was make me really hate her and then I would divorce. I decided to stay together with my family and take care of her as my own. But she keeps resisting trying to make me feel guilty. I don't think she loves him that much because she knows I would take care of her. I was the best choice ,but trust is broken. She feels ashamed and guilty so she's trying to justify her actions. She has broke all contact from him because if his wife finds out he will never see his daughter again. They will be divorced soon, so she is worried about that for him. He is such a theif, liar and 60. I don't want all these things to unveil because I will lose both kids and my son will be devastated. Plus her parents, friends, work mates and herself will all suffer. I'm trying to work on myself and give her reasons why the family is important. She has these horrible mood swings. She is talking sensible a couple of days and then backtracking the next day. It seems she already has given up on us and can't love me. Well it's her problem. I'm giving her my forgiveness and everything for happiness. I think she will just crash and burn without giving it a fighting chance. She said she doesn't trust me because I'm holding the kids passports and money in the states. I'm only doing it for protection so she doesn't run away with the kids or take all the money. Remember I'm the trustworthy one during this situation. Even see thinks I'm so trustworthy. But she said this is stealing and not fair. I Promised I would not do anything with both, but I need to gain her trust. She said she will never go back to him. But if I don't trust her with both things. She can never love me. Trying again to make me feel guilty and blaming me. My head is spinning and she is pulling my heart strings. If this goes on for years. I won't survive. But if she works on it and gives us time. We might pull through barely.