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Fri 6 Feb, 2015 11:05 pm
3 years ago I met this girl, and from the first moment I saw her, I felt something I had never felt for anyone.. I never ever wanted her to be sad, hurt, in danger, I would do anything for this girl, I can't say no to her. Whenever she needs me I try to do everything I can to fix what's wrong.., but thereal is also another problem.... I am attracted to guys. Those feelings are there, and my mind keeps trying to tell me it is wrong and unnatural, but my body doesn't listen the want is there. I am so confused.. I have loved this girl since that first date. I could look into her eyes for eternity and never get bored, or ever think to leave her, but she knows the other side of me, and we both know it could never work (I think she sees me as a friend anyway). I probably sound like a corny weak emotional panzy, but I really am so confused. I have been hurt by this girl before though she has just admitted that she left because she felt I wasn't being true to me and who I am. My head hurts constantly from thinking about this.. Are we just meant to be friends and nothing more? I feel that we were supposed to meet, we have drifted apart but always are brought back into each others lives. I just don't know what to think.. Why do I have to have such love for this girl, and the inability to do anything about it? It doesn't make sense.. It is so heartbreaking, and devastating. We all have flaws and she is the one I don't care about any flaws. I would do anything as long as she is happy. Be a friend, be someone to vent to about anything, a shoulder to cry on, I would and have always been there to answer the crying phone calls.. It doesn't make any sense?
@seabiscuit92,
Personally, I have no problem with whatever your preferred preference turns out to be. But I urge to meet with a counselor to discuss your conflict. Having to pretend you are straight or gay if you're not is not fair to you. I'm a straight woman, married for many years, neither of us seek or want an open marriage. But we both have dear friends of the opposite sex, but probably because we worked for DOD at the same time. If it turns out you're gay, it not bizarre to care deeply for female friends. It's a good friendship, if it stops being a good friend you will have to walk away. Please remember that gay people are not obliged to only deal with other gays. Same goes for straights. Despite all the Hoo ha, everybody has a gay relative. Any most non-twisted individuals love their gay children, siblings and cousins and nieces and nephews. Good luck.
@glitterbag,
I am a guy, and I do have desires for other guys that are unmistakable, I know I'm just reiterating, but my mind keeps telling me it's wrong I often dislike myself for having these feelings towards other guys, and one of the biggest contributes to those feelings is the love I feel for this girl. It doesn't go away no matter what happens between us, and I meant when in said just would do anything for her I have even given her advice on how to make her relationships with past boyfriends be long lasting. When she is upset I more often then not ignore my own troubles and tribulations and do anything to help her feel better. I really can't say no to her.. I Have Listened many times of her troubles with guys and tried to Help despite my feelings (I Want Her To Be Happy Above All else). I dont know what to do she is apart of my life again, and I still dont care what it is I would be anything she needs me to be to be happy, but I often wish we could be together.
@seabiscuit92,
That's where an impartial party can help. You don't ever have to stop caring for her, but just speaking as an older women, I know that friendships sometimes wither. This one may last for a lifetime, for you I hope it does. I know many, many people from work, and we can be incredibly congenial. But not everyone of those people is a close friend. Friendly, congenial and fun to get together at gatherings Outside of family I have 4 friends who would fly to Europe to take care of me if I needed, and luckily enough to have a few more who would do the same thing if they were not caring for elderly parents, sick spouses and my good friend who has been shuttling his 42 year daughter between Hopkins and Sloan Kettering for five years to treat hopefully cure for her stage 4 colon cancer, so
her husband won't lose his job. Good luck with your dilemma.
@seabiscuit92,
Please someone help.. I'm so conflicted, I truly can't say goodbye to her, but my heart aches just knowing her.
@glitterbag,
My dilemma doesn't really seem important anymore when reading your story.. I am sorry for your caring friends troubles and subsequently yours. Those sound like some unbreakable bonds though and I am glad for you you have that
Do you have sexual desire for this girl?
You say you love her, but there are many kinds of love.
You probably should discuss this with a therapist to work out who you want to be, who you want to be like, and who you want to have sex with.
@seabiscuit92,
Figure out what you want, then go get it.
No one can do this for you.
@seabiscuit92,
Same sex attractions are common and do not define one's sexuality.
More to it, of course. But it may suffice to say "Don't judge yourself."
@PUNKEY,
I do at times want to be with her in that way.. I oftentimes wonder if I was to quick when saying I'm gay... Cause this girl confuses me, the guy aspect of my sexuality is more dominate then my desire for girls, maybe it isn't the love I'm thinking where we end up together but I do care very much for her, when she is upset, or depressed.. I am upset, I'm the most happy when she is. My heart is telling me she is it, but with the other side being such a dominate part of who I am it questions everything.
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