Ielts writing test 2

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinon.

And below is my writing to this topic .Hope you can give me some suggestion and remedy this article

Some people spend all their career for only one job, while in recent years changing environment and having different experience in varied positions seems more acceptable for young workers. There has been a lot of debates on these two " working styles" , in my opinion, i prefer the latter one.

There are some certain benefits for organisation for having veteran to stay at the same place for his/her entire working life , they must be the most skillful staff for the job tasks, less- mistake they likely to commit, and to avert the risk that new fresh workers might bring to the company, and the employers do not need to be bothered for the complicated hiring process.

However, is this really a good situation for employees? The advantages that people could gain from unlike experience is definitely much more greater then form just one job. First of all , having a variation of working life could help people to achieve a higher position or are more likely to have a chance to gain greater salary in the future. This is due to the increasing intense working force market. Secondly, money is not the only standard to measure a successful career , knowledge and a wide horizon could enrich peoples life, and this is hardly to acquire from being a "loyal staff" . And finally, a system that based on old workers that occupying the position for too many years is not healthy for a organisations development and update ,in the contrast , the new generations with new skills should get the opportunities.

In the summary , people should spend their working life to try different things and this should be a trend spread among the subsequent generations。