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I Like Girls Emotionally (Foremost) And Sexually And I Like Guys Just Sexually. I'm Confused - HELP!

 
 
samnyc
 
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 01:36 pm
I'm fifteen years old and a girl. Yes, I know I'm young but my sexuality has been an issue for me since I was about twelve. My first relationship was with a girl, and it was great. We were twelve to thirteen, so we were still pretty little both mentally and physically. The most we did was peck kiss once (it was my first kiss) and there were sparks. The relationship lasted for about a year and a half (from the beginning of sixth grade to the middle of seventh). I really don't want to just blame it on hormones because I feel like it was so much more than that.

Fast forward a couple years and she's now out of the closet and openly gay. Me ... not so much. After we broke up she had gotten another girl friend which lasted her through the rest of middle school (again, it was a very innocent relationship). While she had been dating that girl, I started dating guys. I did this with flings and real relationships until now. I'm now a freshman in high school, and throughout my "adventures" I realized that it is very hard for me to develop feelings for guys, and if I do it's usually AFTER we breakup (I theorize it's because of the feelings of loss and sadness that gave me the epiphany of "WOW! I really do like them a lot. What was I thinking!?" If I really DID feel that way then I would've felt it during the relationship, don't ya think?)

Anyway, moving on. So, I realized that it's harder for me to develop feelings for guys, but sexually it's great. I messed around with a girl once at a party, and we didn't really go that far (touching was over clothing). I can fall for a girl really hard (which sucks because a lot of the time, it's a straight girl who is going through her "bi curious stage") and the sexual stuff would be great, but I don't NEED it. Plus, I'm a virgin so I haven't had sex with either a guy or a girl ( I think I might like it better with a girl because the penetration aspect of straight sex scares me a bit - but that might just be the fact that I'm still young).

So now that you know my story, I need some of your opinions/theories. What do you think is going on? Am I just in denial of my gayness? Should I blame it on hormones? Thanks guys! <3
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jespah
 
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Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 01:58 pm
@samnyc,
Perhaps you're bi.

I also think your wanting someone after you've broken up with them to be kind of teenaged/Buyer's Remorse. Only in your case, you put someone back on the shelf and then think, "Hey, I kinda miss that."

I'm guessing you remain broken up afterwards, yes? I think that kind of goes as a corollary to liking girls who are experimenting.

In both respects, you don't have to give too much of yourself.

Maybe that's all this is, that you get into relationships but they aren't too serious for you. Or you unconsciously choose people (or they choose you) and it's nothing serious.

And that is awesome and cool and wonderful, seeing as you are 15 years of age. I have to tell ya, we see boys and girls within your age and they are going on and on about how they love this one or that one, and it's often after a week or even less of dating - sometimes it's just from a bunch of allegedly meaningful glances.

I think you've been aloof (despite your relationships) and you haven't found anyone yet, of any gender, who you truly, passionately love.

That's awesome. It's very smart of you - you don't fall without reason. You don't commit and blurt out three little words at the drop of a hat.

I bet you will one of these days. You might be 16. You might be 36. Shrug.

Don't settle for what you don't really want. Don't lie to people or yourself about your feelings.

Go and be awesome.
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