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Fri 30 Jan, 2015 08:39 pm
To cut it short... My husband and I were arguing 2 am and the following day I found history on our computer of my husband on pof.com (this single online dating site) and facebook. The links in the history led me to see his profile on the dating site (information that sounds like him)- & links such as messages sent, searches, girls profiles & create your profile for the dating site. Then there are facebook links of messages, profiles, notifications etc. Of course I can't see everything to these 2 sites bc I dont know the password. Denies that all the status updates(which sounds like him), pics & activity on facebook that have been going on since Nov 21, '14 are not him & that he hasnt been on it since Feb 2014. I used to know his facebook password but this time it didnt work. He willingly gave it to me and said it hasnt changed since. He denies everything I have found and says someone else is hacking it. He says he is being 100% honest and is willing to do anything to prove me wrong. He even is going to do a polygraph test to prove that none of it is him at all. Yet coincidently I also found the EXACT two photos on his profile for pof.com saved to our computer,and just happen the following night when I confronted him, while he was at work I post on his facebook wall "Lol do these hoes know your married" the post was there for 3hrs. I checked it again & his account was deactivated and shortly after about 30 minutes he came home, which I also find odd. He has a an email that I don't know the password to and Im guessing the sites are all linked to it. He says he has had that email for such a long time that he doesn't even know the password to it bc he doesnt use it and also that he doesn't know his facebook password either and that someone probably hacked it. Ever since we have gotten back together and married I have never had an issue of questioning his loyalty whether its looking/talking/meeting/lusting over women, until now... This is such a surprise bc he has acted in such a way of being all about me and making it clear to me that he knows the standards and values in our relationship of what's right and wrong all naturally I don't have to tell him or force him. He isn't distracted or care for other women nor has he acted in any inappropriate way or disrespected me with other women. and now that he tells me to believe him Im stuck whether I should or not due to evidence. How can I have him to be fully honest about this situation? Or could it all be a misunderstanding and he is actually telling me the truth that its not him? How can we move forward when he keeps denying about what he did on everything I have found? He says he's telling me the complete "truth" on everything, he doesn't want to lose me and is willing to do anything. And quite frankly if it is true Im kind of willing to work it out. Please help on a serious note...
@mynina,
It doesn't look good for him.
A lot of people blame hacking but the truth is, unless it was someone who knew him (and wanted to screw up his life), the likelihood is that hackers wouldn't give a damn and wouldn't bother.
If he was last on the site in February of last year, how long have you been dating, let alone married? Something isn't adding up here.
@mynina,
It also could be curiosity if he can attract women.
@jespah,
Im 19 and he is 20. We started dating around the ending of August 2012 to August 2013 off and on for his own personal issues (I won't go into detail but that's why I had officially left). I had been doing my own thing and started dating for about 2 months without really acknowledging or caring about him that he was trying to get back with me. I guess I was at my point where I was actually happy and just wanted to move on. This is when he really changed and was doing whatever he could to get me back. I know I'm not naive and clueless I'm pretty aware of things. I noticed he was acting different and treating me different all in a good way. He changed, he was doing whatever he could to prove to me. I was quite impressed so we got back together around mid November that year and shortly after we got married in March in 2014 (Married for about 11 months) Ever since we got back together and married it has been great. He gave me no reasons to question him about anything. Because he treats me so great, and makes it clear he loves me by his actions- Sometimes even I felt I didn't deserve him being to hard on him on petty things when I shouldn't. Here and there we have had our differences and that's normal, but nothing really bad. We're having a son next month and he is joining the military for me. So I am quite confused, he has made it seem that he is happy and what not... Maybe I have pushed him that way to do such things. He also said that it must be someone he knows that is doing this and he has had more than a few enemies due to his past... I know hes lying but hes so persistent about being honest. I want to believe him, but it just doesn't add up with all the boatload of history on our own computer and the other things I have found.
@cicerone imposter,
I almost feel & think that way, but he hasn't done anything inappropriate to make me question him. He makes like he's not one to be like or do that and how he is on the same page as me and that he feels strongly about anything with other women or men are wrong. I have addressed it to him, but he had felt so bothered that I would think of him lusting/looking/ perving or anything inappropriate at other girls he got really upset and even cried... After getting that reaction I felt wrong and didn't want to push him away and start something that isn't even happening. So I really am confused.
@mynina,
It's natural for both sexes to look at (subjectively) attractive people.
@mynina,
mynina wrote:
...I know hes lying but hes so persistent about being honest. I want to believe him, but it just doesn't add up with all the boatload of history on our own computer and the other things I have found.
Well, sure he would insist that he was honest.
Relationships do not last long if there is no trust. But he's not giving you too many reasons to trust him. I'm gonna throw down the counseling card. The two of you need to figure out what life is going to look like. You will have a child. And he will be in the military (so he'll be away a lot, and you'll have a baby to take care of. I do hope you've got help with that).
Beyond this issue, you have a ton of other things going on. You need some preparation for how much your lives are going to change.
No way a 20 year old guy is mature enough to get married. (This all started when he was just 18?)
He went from video games to porn games, that's all.
Immaturity reigns!!
@PUNKEY,
True. Thats what I was thinking... But funny thing is, is he WANTED to get married, he brought it up multiple times even when I was iffy about it that it was going to fast and also proposing on his own.
@jespah,
I have even told him of course you wouldn't be honest about something like that. You lie because of the consequences you know... Mostly bc I would leave him, the guilt, dealing with all the issues and trust issues that will start if I stay, and him facing the fact that he is a cheater and is that "type" to do those things... I have told him if you ever have the slightest feeling of not wanting to be with me, I don't overly satisfy you as before or wanting to do what single people do, dont let me hold you back of doing what you really wants to do or feel obligated to stay bc of the baby or its the "smart" thing to be with a woman like me. . Theres just no point in wasting both our times. But still he wants to work our marriage out and to be with me and only me. UGH I dont know I feel like I have to forget and move on in order for it to work. And I know for a fact I wont forget about it anytime soon and it wont do any help for our relationship moving forward if I have trust issues when he is trying to makeup for it. I dont know what to do it kills me inside, I need solutions.
@cicerone imposter,
Subjectively?? Not sure what you mean. As in noticing attractive people, but not feeling some type of way of being interested, intrigued in wanting to date them or in any sexual ways when you look at them?
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