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How do I stop feeling this way?

 
 
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:25 am
I have been happily married for 10 years to a man I love deeply. We have had ups and downs of course, but nothing that hasn't made us stronger. About 3 years ago I joined a gym, and became friendly with one of the trainers there, who is also married. After some time I started training with him, and of course we got closer as a result. From the very beginning our relationship has been a flirty, somewhat inappropriate one. But nothing has ever happened or really even been discussed. I know he finds me attractive, and he knows how I feel. We both acknowledge the temptation we face, but other than that, it's the giant elephant in the room every time we see each other! As time has gone on, I have found myself having deeper and stronger feelings for him. I miss him when we are apart, I think of him and care for him a lot. We have lots of fun together, and have a lot in common. I don't want to create problems for my marriage or his, but most of all I don't want to lose him as a friend. He seems to have been able to put his feelings of attraction (and lust/desire, whatever it is) aside, to some extent, so we can maintain our trainer/client relationship and also our friendship. Although he flirts like crazy and makes no secret of how he feels, he's obviously able to draw a line and go no further. How?? And how do I do the same? How do I move past these intense emotions and desires?
 
Butrflynet
 
  4  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:53 am
@Blackswan ,
You might want to print this article and share it with your trainer.

http://www.craigharper.com.au/health-nutrition/five-things-personal-trainers-shouldn%E2%80%99t-do/


After you've done that, read the posts here.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=138549973

Then, change gyms and get a new trainer.

After that, it will be up to you to decide which is more important to you, maintaining your marriage or being a flirt buddy with the ex-trainer.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 05:02 am
@Butrflynet,
Good info; keep it professional.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:00 pm
Although he flirts like crazy and makes no secret of how he feels, he's obviously able to draw a line and go no further. How??

Because, silly girl, THAT'S HIS JOB.

I bet he has a lot of "close calls" throughout the day.

Turn around and look at your marriage to see what's going on to make you so vulnerable to a gym jockey.
0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2015 12:17 pm
@Blackswan ,
' How do I move past these intense emotions and desires? '
You can't! You won't! But if you had not had sex yet - change the gym.
If you don't want to change it - sex will happen and you will fall deeper and suffer. It is a sloppy slop and everyone does what they want. I rather to suffer. But I am the only one who is such an idiot.

And please, do not say you love your husband deeply. It is a bullshit!
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2015 12:23 pm
@Blackswan ,
Blackswan wrote:
Although he flirts like crazy and makes no secret of how he feels, he's obviously able to draw a line and go no further. How??


his job is to make sure you're happy and keep returning to the gym. You are part of his income stream.

Have you talked to him about your feelings?

Quote:
I don't want to create problems for my marriage or his, but most of all I don't want to lose him as a friend.


are you willing to give up your marriage to maintain a friendship with your trainer? if so, why are you remaining in your marriage?
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2015 01:54 pm
@ehBeth,
She is confused. She writes she loves her husband deeply.
Does she even understands what does it mean?
Loving deeply means there is no room for trainers!!!
If there is a room - YESS! it will soon filled with a new sex!
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2015 02:51 pm
@Blackswan ,
Quote:
I have been happily married for 10 years to a man I love deeply.


If you want to keep things this way...go find another gym.

You are kidding yourself if you think you can keep this guy as a "friend"...and not seriously endanger your marriage.


Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 07:46 am
@Frank Apisa,
Do you think she can 'keep it this way'? After being all for another man?
All she can do now is to pretend to keep it this way. Because since woman started to feel something for other men - forget her marriage! She can but a band aid on the wound but scar will be itching until it is scratched. Right?
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MrMix
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Feb, 2015 11:06 pm
@Blackswan ,
And this is the reason why I wonder why people even get married in the first place?? ( scratching my head).. If you really loved your husband you would have ceased the flirting between the two of you and possibly changed gyms?? But yet you carry on flirting and now your getting emotionally hooked because you keep thinking of the guy?? The only thing left now is the both of you going at it like rabbits in the changing rooms which you probably already have fantasised on more then one occasion.. I can only hope it dosent get to that stage, your husband dosent deserve that no matter what's going on in your marriage..
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geets73
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Feb, 2015 04:06 am
This relationship will lead your life to mess stay away from it.
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Sizamid
 
  0  
Reply Mon 16 Feb, 2015 10:07 am
@Blackswan ,
find a new gym and trainer
Eliusa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 Feb, 2015 08:20 am
@Sizamid,
I had an advice 'leave the business' which I can't do.
If I could I probably would but leaving a gym - common!
What is the excuse not to. Unless she doesn't want to.
Than it is a marital problem.
0 Replies
 
 

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