Tue 10 Oct, 2017 09:12 am
So, my boyfriend of 2 years has developed this crush on this girl that he's gotten to know. It started out as a friendship, and escalated very quickly to him liking this girl (she has told him that she likes him. He has not directly told her that he likes her, but she knows). He has told me all this himself, as we have an extremely trusting relationship, and he feels terrible about it. He has been texting and snap chatting this girl A LOT, and it seems like whenever he's not with me, he's with her.
I'm not threatened by this girl. He loves me with everything he has, and is completely invested in our relationship. I realize that little crushes are totally normal especially in a long term relationship. It just bothers me SO MUCH that he spends so much time and energy with this girl that he KNOWS he has a crush on. And the more time he spends with her, the more intimate their relationship gets.
I have told him that it bothers me and why. I have also told him that it's best if he spend less energy on this girl, and kept the conversation at a less intimate level (at least until he's over this crush). I've told him it was absolutely no big deal that he has a crush, but the problem is that he's essentially pursuing said crush. He's agreed with everything I said, and is completely willing to back off from her a bit.
Is there anything else I should talk to him about? How would you feel if your significant other was in this situation, and how would you deal with it?
All advice welcome!
Sounds like you're handled it well if he agreed and is willing to back off, but I don't agree that this is normal 'crush' behaviour or even that having a crush on someone is normal when you're in a relationship. His behaviour is similar to that of a single guy pursuing a woman.
How would you feel if your significant other was in this situation, and how would you deal with it?
I would feel betrayed, let down, hurt, and angry. I would deal with it by saying "Them or me. Choose. Now." I would keep an eye on them afterward. Indeed I might decide that trust had gone from the relationship and think about dissolving it.
I've definitely gone back and forth from being really hurt to being ok. My biggest issue is that he continued to talk to and spend time with this girl, knowing that he liked her. But at the same time, nothing happened. They kept it as a "just friends" relationship.
I think I'll give him another chance. He knows now that "just being friends" with someone that you're attracted to mentally and physically doesn't work. This is the first time it's ever happened, and now he knows what to do if it happens again, you know?
You are giving HIM another "chance"?
HE is running this show here. HE is calling the Shots here.
By spending more time with her , the chances of them getting together increase. You have given him permission.
Why are you so afraid to draw a line in the sand about this?