Shared Custody. Do fathers matter in a divorce?

A boy in my oldest daughter's class had parents who divorced, dad bought a house a few blocks from mom's and restocked it entirely for the son who spent alternating weeks at each parent's without even needing a ride or a valise. That was not the healthiest situation I ever saw and how the boy worked it in all sorts of manipulative ways.

Nastiness? Factually, given your post, I was being quite polite and rather restrained.

Where did you get the idea that my wife left me? You didn't get it from me.

Why do people present anecdotes as if they prove anything. They don't.

You have the look at the data as a whole. The research shows that kids in shared custody situations are happier, better connected to both parents and exposed to less fighting.

Whats the custody beef about?

There are two important issues here.

1) Being connected to both parents is, in most cases, the best thing for the children involved. It means less fighting and gives the children a chance to connect in a meaningful way with both parents.

2) Fathers are parents and should be respected and supported the same way that mothers are respected and supported. We all want equality in society. Giving fathers the message that they aren't parents on the same level as mothers is bad in many ways.

The research all shows that Shared Parenting arrangements as a whole are much better than Single Parent custody as a whole. If you look at the data, shared parenting has better outcomes in a great number of measures. Obviously there are cases (such as abuse or drug use) where Shared Parenting won't work... but in the majority of cases it is the best option.

The opposition to Shared Parenting is ideologically based and is counterproductive.

There is no beef. We resolved it through a shared parenting agreement. That is the whole point. My ex-wife's main beef was money. I ended up agreeing to continue paying extra child support (i.e. the amount that I would have paid without shared custody) and I threw in several thousand dollars extra to avoid a court fight (which could have hurt my daughter).

The money was well worth the result. I remain connected to my daughter... and so does her mother.

Seriously? You think statistics aren't piles of anecdotes??????? History is a collection of anecdotes and from how those anecdotes are interpreted make up the numbers for statistics. Ever hear of "raw data"? A rape victim's mere anecdote is what also makes her a statistic and her anecdote is raw data to update or correct a statistic.

Now say something personal and snarky.

No, statistics are not piles of anecdotes.

Anecdotes are chosen to support your bias. You ignore all of the anecdotes that support any other opinions or viewpoints.

Statistics are taken as a whole. The statistics take into account all of the cases, including the cases that contradict your own biases. This is a good thing. They give a real, objective, picture of what is actually happening.

I have nothing snarky to say here. I just want to point out that being able to look objectively at both sides of an issue and being able to consider complex issues from multiple perspectives are good things. Statistics allow a level of objectivity.

(I am really surprised that you got so many upthumbs on your"statistics are piles of anecdotes" post. This shows an opposition to scientific reasoning.)

What a shame. You break up your own OP. And it actually was valuable until you started ad hominem.

I'm out of this one.

There was no ad hominem coming from me. I am sorry we can't have an intelligent conversation on this topic.

What ad hominem?

Me thinks you are full of it:

This is too deep to even try to put it into the equality box.

Some parents just are not fit to be parents and can damage the life of a child.

Children also need both parents for growth and discussions about life, they need a Father figure at the worse scenario and or a Mother figure.

Each situation in my opinion still needs to be looked at. It shouldn't be a simple case of equal share in every single case.

In addition, I do loathe Mothers that attempt to gain full custody to get rid of that "man" that was once in her life and has no consideration of the child what so ever or has moved on with another Man who she "prefers" to be the role model purely out of her own selfish reasons.

But, having said that. Some men fight purely due to the loss of finances so that he can have a point of winning and then does nothing for his child/children when he has custody.

So again, each case should be looked at.

In a good World. Each parent acknowledges that this is about the child only and not them.. If only that would be 100% of the time.

Therefore in my opinion, shared custody is not obvious. The whole reason why Mother's were viewed as having an important role is obvious. Dated back, she predominately was a stay at home Mum, therefore the level of concentration was high, with helping with homework, when a child needed to speak and be heard, understood, helped and the Father being the bread winner, for the most part was too tired to listen.

There is also an obvious fact that women are nurturing, have intuition and perhaps more easier for a girl at least to discuss becoming a woman with.

I do believe that a child needs both parents.

But, I do believe that what's best for the child is the issue, in some cases, it is best for the child to be at home with it's Mother a bit longer than across at Dad's house not doing homework

I believe that some places in Europe shared is the default, that sole custody is only granted in unusual situations.


How many kids do you figure think that moving week to week from mom and dads place, being a permanent transient, is what is best for them? Yet we increasingly see this. I think the way this should work most of the time after age 10 is to ask the kid where they want to live, and absent any good reason to go against that have the courts make it so. I really dislike no fault divorce too, the way I see it the courts should make some effort to decide who is the reason the kids are having their lives disrupted, and should factor that into deciding what happens to the kids.

I think that the parent that leaves and "rents" should also consider residing close by.

You clearly don't see woman and men as having equal abilities. Hopefully there is some balance. What good qualities do you attribute to males?