Shared Custody. Do fathers matter in a divorce?

You really are the most insincere git I've ever come across. Germlat said she admired me because I am a single parent, meaning exactly that. That's the point you chipped in claiming to be a single parent when you knew you weren't. At the time you were claiming it was exactly the same when it's not. So stop backtracking.


Ask yourself this. Have you got what you wanted? Why are you so upset about what your wife's lawyer thought when you've already got what you want?

When you imply that I will be a batterer (either physical or emotional) it sure feels like an attack. When you say repeatedly how "angry" I am (when I am not particularly angry), it feels bad. When you call me a "Prick" it seems very personal indeed. I can take it, but it does make me feel a little disappointed that we can't have a respectful conversation.

You don't know me Osso. I am just here to have reasoned conversations on topics that interest me. I get caught up in the heat of the moment (as do we all), but I try hard to avoid attacking people personally and I don't believe that I have failed at that.

How about this Osso. I will listen to your opinions with respect, and I will respond to them without accusations or personal attacks. Do you think you could do the same?

I hope so, because it would be nice to have an reasonable discussion with you. Otherwise it is very difficult for us to have any type of intelligent conversation.

Exactly.

My take on you is that you one angry guy.

I know I don't know you, and I might like you, somewhat do, but that is how I have read you.

You may not attack individual women but you smash feminists often. I take it you are extremely angry and like to repeat that all over the place. You seem to know close to nothing.

I was born in 1941, girl.
In many ways, you are an ignorant idiot and I try not to bump that on you, since you weren't around.

Disagreeing with an opinion is a perfectly valid thing to do on a public forum. That is part of having a respectful discussion. There is nothing wrong with me disagreeing with parts of "feminism" or even in disagreeing with what the word "feminism" means.

Respectful discussion on things we disagree about is what I am here for.

Personal attacks aren't part of this. It is rather difficult to have a respectful discussion with someone who calls you an "ignorant idiot" (although the fact you called me "ignorant idiot" immediately after you accused me of being an "angry guy" does have some humor value).

Absolutely. I didn't hate her. And every woman for better or worse is not her. I love women, but I really like them, too. As with men when you deal with individuals is when you meet the great ones as well as the less likable. But as a group I am as comfortable around women as well as I am around men. I just have lower expectations with men.

All of Max's anti-feminism outbursts are quite recent, since he's been through a divorce. It would be ridiculous to claim there was no connection.

She and I did our divorce ourselves. I went along with it because after consulting with an attorney all I could do is spend a pile of money an only accomplish ******* over my soon to be ex, my children and me and only make two attorneys somewhere around $15,000 - $20,000 between us to only postpone the inevitable. The divorce laws were written so that a Texas first wife could get the jump on her husband as he prepared to line up wife #2 by hiding assets. It makes a divorce quick and unstoppable. I don't know that its a good idea. I know my children told me she regretted it eventually. It was an experience that taught me single mothers are amazing and it did me good to hear myself saying things I used to make fun of single mothers for saying. Like all the missed Saturdays with no phone calls or the $450 cameo when what we really needed were a couple of pairs of shoes or not showing up for a musical recital or an athletic event.

In the end it seems to boil down to me as women expecting men to change and men expecting women to never change. And of course we're each disappointed.

I am not sure I understand... your ex-wife didn't want custody?

My ex-wife wanted full custody (with visitation) and I wanted shared custody. We ended up settling before the trial... what basically happened is my wife extracted a wad of extra money from me in exchange for a settlement that gave me shared custody of my daughte.

I am not completely unhappy with this, I suppose I would rather give money to her instead of a lawyer and I am really happy to avoid a legal fight (I think this was the best thing for my daughter)... but it didn't leave a very good taste in my mouth.

You slam other people all the time.
Don't be (trying to find word that is non offensive) with me.

Then you lecture me.
Ok, now you are a prick prick.

Can you please give me a single example where I have personally attacked someone? I have disagreed, at times vigorously, with ideas or ideologies. But, I try very hard not to attack anyone personally.

I think the record will show that I have succeeded.

You and Izzy are the only ones who are name calling and personally attacking people who dare to disagree with you. That is your right... but it doesn't lend to intelligent respectful discussion.

There's a divorce industry in this country. It is guaranteed to gind ones soul out if one or the other cannot come to agreement with the injured/and/or/more monied partner. I think some lawyers try to make thing more lucrative and traditionally divorces have been winner take all.

Fortunately for me there was no disagreement between us other than her wanting to suddenly end a 15 year marriage. She thought the girls would want to live with her and she had taken them into her plans and neither girl let it slip for five until she told me. Within six months it was finalized. I didn't ask for child support and because she had a great job in state law enforcement, she provided health insurance.

Getting a lawyer would have put custody into the air. I went along very unhappily with the inevitable.

My girls graduated high school 3.8 and graduated collage Summa Cum Laude. One a working archeologist going back for her PhD, and the other working in education with husband two children.

Life didn't go the way it was supposed to, but it went very well anyways. Life is good, I am retired young and working whatever I feel like, I teach batik and painting, have a dye shop. Life is very good.

You've attacked a lot of women, if not by name.

I may or may not agree on any of those issues, but you dice and slice.

Bobsal, how old were your girls when this happened (I am guessing they were 13 or 14)? The age of the children matters, I think, when it comes to having them choose.

Can you give a single example please?

Disagreement with an idea or ideology is part of intelligent respectful discussion. Disagreement is not the same thing as a personal attack... if it were then intelligent discussion would be impossible.

If you are going to make this accusation (that I personally attacked women rather than just disagreeing with them), then I would like to see you back it up with facts.

We both wanted custody. She thought when given the choice (as an option to paying two lawyers $15,000 - $20,000 to only postpone the inevitable and not predict the outcome) that the oldest would want to go with her. Her thought was she'd take the oldest and I the youngest. As an alternative to fighting it out and lose the pile of money she agreed to allowing the girls to choose. The oldest I knew would go to me. When my wife got mad, it was pointed out to her that in Texas judges generally look at a mother offering to take one kid but not the other as unfit and they generally give dad both kids in a dispute.

I'm still not mad at her. I just don't know why didn't at least try to do at least one thing to try to make it work.

No, thank you. Read your own threads.

No, I didn't mean individually, I meant you attack whole groups of women. That is, a lot.

I don't believe I have ever personally attacked any woman, or women in general, on any thread on Able2Know. If I have, then I am sure you will be able to provide a single example to prove me wrong. Such an example simply doesn't exist.

You can disagree with someone without personally attacking them. I do this all the time... and yet here you are repeatedly calling me a "Prick".

You must be kidding.

You've said some mean things to me.