Are Me And My Best Friend In Love?

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If some people can give me advice it would really be helpful because I'm really totally confused about something.

I just turned 18 and my best friend is about to turn 16 in a couple weeks. I'm gay and he's bi, we're both guys. He's had several girlfriends, but no boyfriend, but always talks about guys that he thinks are cute. He was the recipient of an "experiment" with a friend this past spring but other than that he's a virgin.

The problem is that I really think me and him are in love with each other. We call each other "my love", we hold hands between the fingers, we spoon, we send kiss and heart emojis, we have a pillow at night that we cuddle with pretending it's each other and we try to dream about each other, and both me and him say we think about each other constantly and always want to be in each others lives and ache for each other when we have more than a few days apart. But a few days ago I told him that I think we're in love, but he disagreed and said that he doesn't see me as a lover only as a best friend and brother. I'm totally totally confused here. How is it possible that we behave like we're in love, but he doesn't see it or that he thinks it's just what best friends do (even though he's never done this with any other friend, and not even this much with a previous girlfriend), that they can be affectionate but not share physical love, and be so loving like we are but that it's not "being in love"?

Please help. I'm confused and my heart is hurting from this because I don't know what to do or how to handle it.

Also he's really cute but I'm not. He says I have beautiful eyes, and that even though I'm not physically attractive I'm beautiful on the inside. Is it possible that he's just holding back admitting he's in love all because of how I look?

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@ToatsMyGoats,

Never think about looks in relationships. I was always attracted to guys with personality. As supposed to dolls with no brain. And let's face it - cute and funny is a rare combo. Where funny is the key!
Good luck whatever it is that you are up to.

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@ToatsMyGoats,

We change as we get older number one. When I was 14, I thought I had a long neck for a female, awkward looking even alas late teens early 20's I ended up a model go figure.

Secondly, he is only 16 love and has had girlfriends and is bi. He perhaps likes his stance in that regard but you are gay and older as well, I believe that he does look up to you like a Brother and feels comfortable with your stance being gay as he is not, he is bi so safe. Perhaps experimenting with "love" and what that would be like.. I believe you are his safety zone.

He's your best friend as well, so I'd suggest to you just be one there are plenty fish in the sea and there is all sorts of "love" that goes around not all means togetherness in a sexual/relationship way, some mean friendships in a friendship way.

Also as you mature those beautiful eyes will open wider, look brighter and I'm betting you will look handsomer as well, so quit with the thoughts of yourself not being attractive.

As your friend said, beauty is inside more so.

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@ToatsMyGoats,

I agree with you that it's really confusing. You basically don't know where you stand. It doesn't help that you feel you're not physically attractive.

It might be best to look outside of this relationship, even for other friendships. Just, cultivate more friends. Friends are good, yes? Because I am guessing that you're very into this guy because he's filling up a lot of your world. Maybe if he filled up less of it, you'd have other objective measures of your attractiveness and value.

Emotions at your age are tough, even if they seem to be going well. Surround yourself with positivity, no matter what happens with this guy.

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It's not my look that are a worry for me. I was just wondering if that might be why we act like we're in love but he says that he doesn't feel in love. What other reason could there be? I don't mean that that's the only possible reason, I mean what are the list of other reasons if any? You don't spoon, and hold hands, and dedicate love songs to each other if you aren't actually in love. THAT is the part that's confusing. If he's not actually in love then would that mean he's using me? etc...

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@ToatsMyGoats,

I possibly would stop the spooning and tell him you are "sharing" love songs and to stop dedicating them as it's sending mixed messages and would so for any future guy/girl he may want to date, go out with. Act as the big brother, whilst really you are then protecting your heart whilst also establishing how he really may feel. Remember 16 is not very old and it's a confusing time. I think you will perhaps find the answer and also feel good about yourself if you did this.

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@ToatsMyGoats,

You know - he is still quite young - not quite 16. He doesn't have a lot of experience of being in relationships, straight/gay/bi.

You've got a few years on him which is a LOT at 15/16 v already 18.

You're best off being a good friend/older brother to him at this point. Some friends your own age would be better for you at this point - probably closer to being at the same stage for relationships.

What a 15 year old might take as friendship could be read by someone hoping for a relationship as something different.

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@ToatsMyGoats,

ToatsMyGoats wrote:

But a few days ago I told him that I think we're in love

at any age I would have found it odd to have someone else tell me what they thought my feelings for them were

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If you are 18 and he is 15, then you MAY get in trouble legally.

I think he's too young for you. You need to find a person more near your age.

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@ToatsMyGoats,

You cannot dictate other people's feelings for them.

This kid (yeah, he's a kid) is underage. Keep yourself out of trouble. Forget that he's oh so good looking. Stay off the sex offender registry (yes, you can be tossed onto it if you're in the US and you have sex or sexual contact with a minor).

Tell him you're getting mixed signals from him, and to knock it off.

Look outside this guy for other people to hang out with who are closer in age to you.

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Are Me And My Best Friend In Love?

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