Reply
Thu 10 Jun, 2004 09:59 am
Hi there guys, how are all of you? Anyways here's my problem
I have been around these boards looking at the different topics and I have found some very interesting insights and information. Well, I have a couple of questions for everyone and anyone. You see the thing is, is that I'm a virgin (Gosh I can hear most of you laughing at me right now), but my boyfriend isn't. While I do plan on waiting until I'm married to have sex (or as I prefer to call it making love) I was wondering how some of you cope with the feelings of maybe thinking of being compared to a past lover(s) in your s.o's past. (if you or them weren't the first).
Secondly, if you were plagued by these feelings how did you get over it? I'm not holding his past against him whatsoever. I guess what bothers me the most is that if I did decide to want to take things to the next level with him, I wouldn't want to try new positions or other forms of intimate experimentation b/c I'd feel 'well, he probably already did this with so and such at so and such a place...why would he bother wanting to do those things with me? If and when I'm able to over come these insecurities, I know that when I do have a sex life I want it to be wonderful and absolutely fun and spicy.
*Secondly if someone you cared about was feeling the way that I do now, how would you feel and would there be anything you would do to alleviate such insecurities. Thank you all ahead of time for your input and advice I appreciate it very much.
*My bf has never ever compared me to past ex's nor has he pressured me into having sex...he respects my decision to wait.
*Sometimes I think maybe I should break things off with him in order to stop feeling so insecure, so that he'd be better off with someone at his level of experience, it seems like all guys would rather be with an experienced girl, rather than one they would have to 'teach' and didn't have a clue as to what she is doing (Unfortuately I have this perspective b/c I used to be teased by a group of guys while in high school)
Hello kind_heart and welcome to A2K!
First off, I'm not laughing at you and I doubt that anyone else here is.
Now, onto your issues - you say your boyfriend has not been comparative or pressuring so I'd say, you've got to trust that.
He doesn't want someone "more experienced" - he wants you, right? If the answer to that is yes, then the idea of comparisons is all in your head. If, though, you think the answer might be no, then yeah, it could be your own insecurities or it could also be an issue more with commitment than with sex.
If you're not sure about committing with someone, and you're still a virgin, I say, don't have sex with them, because that's what it would be, sex and giving in, rather than the lovemaking experience you want it to be.
My husband and I were not virgins when we married. We would never compare each others' styles or behaviors to our exes - in any respect, and not just in the bedroom. It's just plain rude. I love him, and it's important to me to be considerate to him. He is considerate to me. 'Nuff said.
Now, as for techniques or positions or whatever, unless you know intimately exactly what your fellow did with other women (and really, you shouldn't be asking such intimate questions and on his part he shouldn't be giving such intimate answers - I think even failed relationships are allowed some privacy), there's no way of knowing if something you consider doing is something he's already done with someone else. I mean, really, do you think the guy's going to be yawning? :-D
Even if he's been there, done that, it hasn't been with you. Making love is a lot less about positions and a lot more about the people in those positions. What matters is the connection between people and how they feel about one another.
I agree with jespah. It is the connection the two of you make. Obviously that connection was not there for his previous girlfriends. Otherwise, he would not be seeing you right now, right?
On a side note, I applaud your decision to wait until marriage. And I hope your boyfriend also applauds that decision. To me, there is no greater gift my wife could give me than to know that of all the men in this world, she chose to give herself, mind and body, to only me. My personal opinion is that it makes our love life so much better.
Finally, you have to let his past go. I'm sure it can be tough wondering if he is ever going to compare you to others, but since he is not pushing you for sex now, he obviously must feel that you will be worth the wait. Thank him for that and be content with that.
Hope this helps.
Hey Kind Heart! I'm not laughing at you either. We all started off as virgins. There is something refreshing about a virgin in this day and age. I did not wait for marraige but I did wait until I was at least 15. Don't hold your boyfriends experience against him. Whatever your decision I'm sure it will be correct.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace