Reply
Thu 8 Jan, 2015 10:33 am
I've been with my husband since I was 16 years old, 7 years. We have 2 wonderful children.
Our relationship has been plagued with tons of abuse, some being physical.
Whenever times got too bad I would call and confide in my family expressi g how I desperately want to get out. Basically Crying Wolf bc I never leave. I can get back home to my family (12 hours away) and my babies keep aski g where daddy is or my family is infuriating to be around, or I just miss being in my own home. My comfort zone, and I'm right back with m my husband.
This summer I put my foot down a d demanded we get a divorce. He isn't for it and has threatened to fight me for custody of our children. Of course that gets me to stay. I know its manipulation, but I don't want to test it. He makes more money than I do and if I leave him I'll be unemployed for a short while. Should I even risk it?
I found out last month that I have a brain aneurysm and my surgery is in a few days to have it removed.
This has me doing some serious reevaluating. Have I lived my life happily? No. What if I died tomorrow, was anything worth it? No.
So what do I do?
If I leave and go back home, he will come find me and berate me until I break down and leave with him (happened twice).
But if I stay I will continue to be unhappy and stress myself into more health problems.
I just want to be happy, but I don't wish to cause him any unhappiness either.
And I'm so tired of crying wolf!!
Any words of encouragement to get me on my way? Does anyone have experience in this type of situation? Please help.
@lustlove,
Now is not the time to be making any serious life decisions.
You need to line up your ducks.
- Have you spoken with your doctor about how long your recovery is going to be after surgery? I seriously doubt you'll be walking out as an outpatient.
- Have you got someone to care for you?
- Have you got someone to take care of other things for you and your children? It's highly likely that you won't be allowed to drive. Can someone take you to appointments, or ferry a child home if he or she gets sick while at school?
- What have you told work about your time out? Have you set up disability with HR, or long-term leave or whatever they're calling it? Make sure there's at least a fighting chance that you'll have a job to go back to when you're all better.
Now - after all of that - there are different ducks to line up.
- A good talk with a therapist, maybe a few talks. Explore why you're stuck in this pattern. This is not to get you to stay, but to get you to plan an exit strategy, and to help keep you from falling into this pattern again.
- A good talk with a divorce lawyer. Know your rights. You're correct that your husband is being manipulative. So know the facts. Just because he makes more does not mean he would get custody.
- Skipping out of town with your children is not going to be looked at favorably by a divorce court. Even if it is for your own personal safety and protection. This means, potentially, working with the police to establish that you are (a) being abused and (b) in fear for your safety and/or your children's safety. If you are afraid, then by all means go, but courts will need to see some proof. Again, this is duck lining-up-ing.
- Consider your financial assets. Car, clothes, jewelry, real estate, stocks, savings and checking accounts, etc. You need not be a millionaire in order to leave a bad marriage. Hell, a lot of people just run to a shelter. But if you can gather up some $$ it will help you out.
- Talk to your family about what you're experiencing with your husband. It's likely that they have an idea of what's going on. Now is the time to fill in the blanks. Don't be ashamed of asking for $$ or a place to sleep or both.
But first - work on getting better.
You said: He isn't for it and has threatened to fight me for custody of our children.
Go see a lawyer ASAP. You need to listen to your rights - not what he says.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace