Why can't I just let it go

I will try to make this as short as possible. I met my husband shortly after being sick. I met him at church and believed with my whole heart that we were meant to be. Not even three years later, I see that I may be mistaken. I married my husband within a year. I felt a lot of shame and guilt when we got married and was so happy that someone could possibly want to marry me. My mother and father all backed him up and all family members support the marriage till shortly after the marriage everyone disappeared and I was stuck to deal with my mistake alone. My husband has always been secretive and defensive when ever I would ask him who was that or who where you talking to? I would run to family members when ever we would have problems and I guess they just go sick of the drama and that's why they have all disappeared. I no longer go to that church it was clear that none of the members even the pastor no longer wanted me to be there. My husband also. I found that odd but wanted to keep our relationship together and thought that the best thing to do would be to leave the church. I do not like some of the church friends my husband hangs with. They don't seem serious and one of them I caught with naked pictures of girls on his phone.

I started distancing myself because I just didn't want to get caught on with these people that did not seem morally straight. I mean come on you go to church, if your not gonna take God seriously then why go?

We have been through a lot these past years. This may with make it three. I feel emotionally drained. One morning he received a call pretty early in the morning. I just went and checked his phone a few minutes later and he deleted whom ever called him.

I've been praying about it and two weeks ago with out even thinking about this girl I have a dream that this girl is suducing him in the church. Last night who calls him at 2:17 in the morning stating that she needed prayer. Oh year the same girl I saw in my dream, that was not even near in my mind.

I know my husband is not straight. I need to leave him. I mean what more evidence do I need. I know he is cheating. The way he treats me all the hell he put me through these past three months. The worst thing is that my mother is like well I knew he was no good. But you pushed him right underneath me.

I can't believe I am in situation. I had so much more potential than to be a single mother alone in this big world. I am all out of emotions. All out of Strength. I can not longer do this or take the pain. I wanna trust him but I no longer do. He has given me no reason to do so.

I am all alone. I wanna ask the old age stupid question. Why would God let this happen to me. I know that would just be dumb of me because he wants nothing but the best for me.

I allowed this to happen to myself. I married the wrong man, no matter what happen. No matter who backed me up I made the bad decision to marry this horrible man! The things that kills me most his that I have a son by him and I'm pregnant with his daughter.

That kills me most because I never wanted my kids to have the life that I had. I wanted them to have a daddy who loved them and loved there mother most of all. Now I feel like I am just this statistic a young black female left alone in this cold world to raise two kids alone.

I don't know how I'm going to make it. My finances are all out of whack due to this marriage set up. God help me I've ruined my life and I need help fixing it.

What should I do. I did not explain what happen that lead to me writing this in the first place.

Last night this girl calls him at 2:15 in the AM. I wake up at 2:20 AM and I have to pee. Something tells me to check his phone for no particular reason. He usually comes up clean when I check anyways. When I check I see the missed call and decide to call back just to check who it was. So it is a female who picks up the phone. I hang up the phone without saying a word and wake him up and ask him who is this number? The number was placed under a anonymous name. He tells me its a man from his church. I say ok. Call the number back, so I did. The female picks up the phone and he answers hey what do you want. Oh, I am just calling for prayer. He says ok lets pray. I grab the phone from him and I said to this female look it here. this is a married man. Does it make sense for you to be calling him any time of the night. She hangs up without even saying excuse me.

He starts yelling at me telling me i'm not a christian this that and the third. so I call his father to tell him come pick up his not good son. His father excuses him and states that oh it's something that was going on in the church and they were helping this girl. Making excuses. Why could he not tell me to expect this girl calling him anytime of the night.

The things that upsets me most is that before we went to bed, my spirit was really unsettling within me. I asked him if there is anything you need to tell me. I feel like you need to talk to me. He tells me no. Ugh.

Please any advice?