@williewillie,
Well, you sound exactly like myself! Although I just hit 50. I had a great career that supplied plenty of human contact, so I was more than happy to come home and spend some time alone.
Unfortunately, I was injured at work lost everything and ended up living with my mother. Which wasn't so bad, but one sibling got ahold of her, has her brainwashed, and she has cut off all contact with me and my 3 brothers. He has some bipolar tendencies. Also, control issues. He wants her cash, and wants the rest of us to know that he calls all the shots.
Well I had to flee that living situation quickly. So I purchased the first decent home available. Unfortunately it's in the same small, nothing is here town. Everyone here are retired couples, which for a single female, leaves no social avenues. I refuse to go sit at the local watering hole. Nor do i want to join the garden, or book club. Which was a smart move I feel, since this just to seem to be another avenue for small town gossip.
For the most part i am capable of filling the days. But I do miss the occasional company that I use to enjoy with my "city" neighbors.
So, I've come to the reality I must relocate. Which being alone and disabled is a terrifying and daunting task. And like you, what if at this stage, it doesn't change anything?
I keep reading posts, go volunteer, go be a big sister. Except, I'm the one who needs someone to volunteer for me. Which won't happen living here.
Maybe you could check into something like that for yourself. Someone to help you get out once in awhile, on your terms, or visit you. That might start to break the cycle, if in deed that's what you end up wanting. I know easier said than done. I was happy with my work. I'd be happy to meet another "private" person. But you have to go out to do that!
