Partnership question

I have lived with the same man for almost years. In the past few months, I have dealt with my own issues of slight PTSD from the lacking emotional attachment between my parents and me. As I have dealt with that, I can clearly see the pattern of relationships I have chosen has stemmed from my inability to attach to another person. Not that I don't deeply desire attachment, but I don't know how to go about doing it. I have been in therapy, read many books about relationships, and attempted to implement the strategies suggested from both sources in my current partnership for the past 5 months. Nothing seems to work. I am the older partner with a full-time job plus a side consulting company that brings in extra money. My situation is comfortable: my house mortgage is almost paid off, I have job about which I am passionate and it fulfills me, I have good credit, a beautiful teenage son, and very few items of debt beyond my house and car. My partner has been working off and on over the past 5 years, mostly jobs in construction and repair. He enjoys working with his hands and working outside, but he has developed back problems and will not be able to physically work that type of job for much longer. He has had "normal" jobs before, but the longest he's had one since I've known him is 7 months. In February, he moved out during one of those "normal" jobs because he was under so much stress at work and couldn't handle dealing with our relationship as well. I was finishing my doctorate at the time so I was also under a great deal of stress and not the easiest person to get along with. After a couple of months, he quit his job and we agreed he could move back in while he studied to complete a teacher's certificate. I agreed to pay for household expenses, food, and let him borrow my other car as long as he paid for gas/maintenance. I will not pay for his education to get his certificate. We also agreed that he would do maintenance on the house in exchange for having his boarding paid for. Well, here we are at the end of the year, and he has done very little in the way of helping with household chores and maintenance. He has worked some contract jobs to pay for his schooling. We have also been seeing a counselor to help with arguments that crop up every week. The arguments stem from my frustration with his lack of anteing up to his side of the agreement. I've tried bringing up the issue gently but he takes anything I complain about as a personal attack on him and quickly escalates the discussion to an argument. Once the argument ensues, I either have to leave the room to avoid saying ugly things, or I have to just agree that I'm at fault/too picky/demanding/whatever. The topic can't be brought up again, even in a calm state, without provoking an attack on me about how I can't let things go. Here are my thoughts:

1. This man doesn't respect me enough to help with the household even though he is receiving support from me. I also grocery shop, clean the house/dishes, do laundry, and take care of the pets, even if I work a 6-7 day week. I have specifically asked that he take out the trash, take care of the yard, and cook.

2. This man is looking for a mommy, not a partner. When I bring up that I'd like his chores done, he gets angry. Honestly, it's easier to have the household to myself and my son at this point, than continue to pick up after my partner too.

3. He has very little concern about my feelings/point of view. I try to start discussions with how I feel, and he says that how I take things is my own problem. Admittedly so, but I also think that partners should be aware that their actions affect each others' well-being.

4. He needs a place to stay until he finds a teaching job, at which point he will be out of here. He denies that, but also won't move out when I've asked him to leave in the past month.

My partner is intelligent and compassionate toward other people. He goes out of his way to help his friends. He is frugal and has a great sense of humor. He is great with my son. However, he is not the same with me much. He was moreso at the beginning of our relationship, but we had an incident where he had an online affair. I reacted badly, of course, and was hurt over it for a couple of years. Affairs are what ruined my previous two relationships. I have forgiven and gotten over it in the past. I don't bring it up anymore, but I did for a couple of years. His attitude was that he had apologized, so I should just let it go. I tried to communicate to him that his actions had triggered a deep-seated insecurity inside me, and it would take time for me to recover and not be angry/fearful that it would happen again.

I've become so emotionally meshed in this situation that I'm afraid I don't perceive it correctly anymore. I think I've invested enough time in this relationship; he won't suddenly come to respect me, and I've both asked and demonstrated I deserve respect. Thoughts?