0
   

Which sentence is fluent or which one is the best?

 
 
Reply Sat 4 Jan, 2003 01:45 pm
Please judge them with your intuition, thanks.

(1) For boggling the confused numbers on the table, both sides agreed to rest for an hour.
(2) The mind now boggling at all the numbers on the table, both sides agreed to a recess of an hour.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 4,314 • Replies: 23
No top replies

 
Piffka
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jan, 2003 01:59 pm
Choice (2) is more fluent and gives a clearer meaning, though I had to see both sides sharing a "group mind."

The choices mean different things to me. In (1) it appears that both sides boggled, ie. made errors, on some numbers and decided they needed to rest up.

In (2) they were shocked at the data and needed to take a break to determine the implications to each side.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jan, 2003 07:21 pm
Both sentences appear to be British rather than American English. Americans don't start sentences with "For" nor use "recess of ..." .

An General American rewrite:

Faced with the mind boggling numbers on the table, both sides agreed
to a one hour recess.

I should think that the Anglo editor would opt for #2, but I don't know because I'm not one.

Joe
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jan, 2003 11:09 pm
Joe Nation wrote:
Both sentences appear to be British rather than American English. Americans don't start sentences with "For" nor use "recess of ..." .

An General American rewrite:

Faced with the mind boggling numbers on the table, both sides agreed
to a one hour recess.

I should think that the Anglo editor would opt for #2, but I don't know because I'm not one.

Joe


In American English, it is familiar that a sentence is started with "For". For example:

(1) For all the problems, it was a valuable experience.
(2) For one thing, we can't afford it.
(See AHD)
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jan, 2003 11:10 pm
Piffka wrote:
Choice (2) is more fluent and gives a clearer meaning, though I had to see both sides sharing a "group mind."

The choices mean different things to me. In (1) it appears that both sides boggled, ie. made errors, on some numbers and decided they needed to rest up.

In (2) they were shocked at the data and needed to take a break to determine the implications to each side.


Sharp-eyed!
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2003 05:21 am
When they begin the beguine...
OristarA wrote:
Quote:
In American English, it is familiar that a sentence is started with "For". For example:

(1) For all the problems, it was a valuable experience.
(2) For one thing, we can't afford it.
(See AHD)


These could both be dependent clauses following a comma and a previous dependent or independent clause. They don't stand alone very well. Confused
In addition, your correction has what my teachers would have called awkward construction. "In American English, it is familiar....." appears or sounds more like the English of India, Americans would say "It's common usage..." and you don't need to capitalize "For", you need a comma.

"According to the AHD, starting a sentence with "for" is common usage, for example: ..."

I'd be interested to know where you learned English. There's a link in my Favorites to a guy doing research on dialect and usage. I'll add it here when I find it. In my neck of the woods, we bobble when we make errors and our mind boggles at our stupidity. Shocked Something that is mind boggling is overwhelming but not necessarily in error.

Joe
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2003 11:01 am
Re: When they begin the beguine...
Quote:
Joe Nation
"According to the AHD, starting a sentence with "for" is common usage, for example: ..."


The rewriting is cool! (Applause)
But I am afraid that "for" should be "For", because the sentence is now started with the "For". And, the phrase "for example" was obviously the start of another sentence, so it should be "For example". That was what you have indicated "common usage"(or that was what I denoted "familiar") according to the AHD.

P.S. (1) I didn't get your phrase "In my neck of the woods", explain please?
(2) I am afraid that India English is not awkward. Just because there is different language style between India English and American English.
0 Replies
 
Piffka
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2003 03:49 pm
Thanks for thinking I have sharp eyes, a nice compliment!

Please don't assume I'm always so pedantic, Joe, but while bobble may mean to make an error, as in bobbling a ball in a sport, (though it is not in my admittedly old dictionary) if you check your dictionary, you'll probably find what I did, which is that boggle, besides meaning to startle or to hesitate, can also mean to perform awkwardly, to bungle, to embarass with difficulties or to make a botch of.

"In my neck of the woods" is a friendly colloquialism which means the place where I live or was raised. So even though Joe is from New York City, I don't think he means Central Park! Neck frequently refers to the narrowest part of any object, thus, he's referring to that "small" area he might call home.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2003 08:02 pm
words, words, words.
I certainly didn't mean to imply that all Indian English is awkward. It just wouldn't sound like a kid from Connecticut USA, me. My apologies for any offense. Very Happy
English has different levels of formality, colloquial, standard, and proper were the ones they drummed into our heads in high school. There's probalby a dozen more including Slang and Dialects. In one writing course we had to write the same thought in three different forms:
What you have witnessed is no precursor for what shall come next.
Your past experiences have not prepared you for future events.
You ain't seen nothing yet.


Standard British, think Merchant and Ivory movies or Paul Scott novels, is admired by Americans because it reminds us how proper English is spoken. (Proper doesn't mean correct, it just means proper.) Whenever I needed to write proper English I reminded myself of the tonality of those movies and books, and I think I have developed a pretty good ear over the years.

Piffka: very nice explanation of my use of the idiom "neck of the woods."

The subtle difference between one word and another is one of the reasons I love words so much. It makes me wish I knew more languages. I learned Indonesian in the US Air Force, but I've forgotten almost all of it. I learned enough French to order dinner and find the way to the subway (Metro) in Paris, but alas, I think today I could order a tasse du caffe but that's about it.

Joe
0 Replies
 
Piffka
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2003 09:13 pm
So you are a Connecticut Yankee? Nice! I like your signature.

I was hoping to find some more on "my neck of the woods" but was patently unsuccessful. Hoping to hear it had been used by Daniel Boone or Abraham Lincoln, even Thoreau. Somewhere is a citation and an historical explanation.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2003 09:37 pm
Here's some pretty good guesses:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/notesandqueries/query/0,5753,-22668,00.html

I'm intrigued by the German.

Around Connecticut "neck" is used often . Giant's Neck and Rocky Neck State Parks come to mind and there are probably more.
0 Replies
 
Piffka
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2003 11:21 pm
Oh yeah -- I like that German explanation, too.

Used to sing a German song, something like: Mein Hut er hat drei Ecke, drei Ecke hat mein Hut. Und wann er hat keine Ecke, dann is er nicht mein Hut.

translated -- My hat he has three corners. Three corners has my hat. And when he has not corners, then he is not my hat!

<Silly grin, I love that song!>
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2003 02:28 am
Gee, I find both examples to be atrocious. Hard to pick the more atrocious one.
0 Replies
 
Piffka
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2003 11:04 am
You mean Drei Ecke vs Three Corners? Ahhh, and I thought you'd like the song.

How about:
The bungled numbers on the table for all to see, the group left the room.

The horror of the bottom line apparent to all, a recess was called.

Amazement at their fortune amassed, the happy group retired to the bar.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2003 09:34 pm
Poor O, we've gotten quite away from the original sentences....
0 Replies
 
Piffka
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2003 10:57 pm
Hey, that's what happens when the meaning isn't clear, right?

I was just doing little things with the sentences to show what might have been meant. A fun exercise, especially the image of the "group" finding way too much money and heading out to celebrate!
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2003 11:20 pm
You folks are way ahead of me. I have a problem with the basic phrasing. I think many of the examples could be improved with a With starting the sentence. I see no flowing connection, no reason for the clause and sentence to be allied. I have been reading all the posts thinking non-alliance must be all right since I last checked. But it all reads wrong to me.


- which is why I went on about the sentences being atrocious. But, the original question stated a choice between the two, and I still don't like either.
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2003 01:20 am
Okay Ossobuco. Would you mind, I suggest a nice recess to you? And I think the fresh air will do you good.

http://bbs.2088.com.cn/bbsimages/2003_1_9_14_10_17_lsviunh.jpg
0 Replies
 
Piffka
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2003 08:45 am
Wow! Gorgeous Photo... I didn't know you were from Washington state!

Oristar -- I hope we haven't offended you... if I have, I ask you to forgive me, especially for my little play with the sentences, it was not meant to be mean.
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2003 01:22 pm
Piffka -- You are clever and good-natured!
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

deal - Question by WBYeats
Drs. = female doctor? - Question by oristarA
Let pupils abandon spelling rules, says academic - Discussion by Robert Gentel
Please, I need help. - Question by imsak
Is this sentence grammatically correct? - Question by Sydney-Strock
"come from" - Question by mcook
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Which sentence is fluent or which one is the best?
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.05 seconds on 07/17/2019 at 04:34:09