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Sat 22 Nov, 2014 02:18 pm
I have a guy friend, and we both said we found each other attractive. We got back in touch again recently after a few years. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more he said he couldn’t see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me.
He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn’t want to be a slut and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on.
So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me. I really like this guy, and i want to meet to see if we have a spark there (we have never met, just talked for years), but i don’t get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day.
Tuesday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was Tuesday afternoon. Should i assume he wants nothing to do with me now? I said in the message Tuesday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? Why? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Another thing i don't understand is how you could have no romantic feelings for someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?
I feel very ashamed right now. I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. Obviously, we all know that 9 times out of 10 this never happens, and it is just false hope. I don't feel he has led me on in terms of wanting a relationship with me, as he was pretty clear he didn't see one, but he went from saying he wanted me (assumed he meant sexually), to saying he wanted to just meet up and see how things went, to saying he feels smothered in a 72 hour period. I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems i haven't heard from him in 4 days?
@shibbyshan,
shibbyshan wrote:
...
I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. ...
Try not to do this again; it puts you into an incredibly weak position. Just like you're in right now. Truth is, he's done you a favor. Imagine this happening
after you had sex.
Hold your head high and live your life. Be busy, be sociable, be happy - with people in your geographic area. If he contacts you, fine, that's nice, but you've got a life and maybe can't be rushing to text him back all the time. If he doesn't then you get a life out of the deal.
Was thing ENTIRE thing done by TEXT?
So you have never hooked up with him IN PERSON?
He sounds like he likes the tease of it all and had no real intention of being with you. Sure he is not involved with someone else or is married?
@shibbyshan,
Personas over the Internet, can be totalling different than in real life. Sexual text messaging off course is going to create chemistry.
He saw attractiveness from your photo and visa versa. He saw chemistry and a hook up without any attachments, you saw more as in general terms women don't like to just have sex, they tend to bond and dream and I think that's what you did.
He stated that he felt smothered. You stated that you're tired of being led on.
Where were you led on? He wanted sex. You thought if you had it, he may bond.
He's gone cold because he can see that you want more than a hook up, you want a relationship and he doesn't. At least he's not that nasty to hook up and then never speak to you again, rather go cold instead or maybe he is nasty and realises he's not going to get what he wants, sex, so walks away.
You have no idea honestly what this person is like in real life only the conversations you have had over the years as " a friend" people are different in real life. So you have no idea whether or not he would be worthy within a relationship.
Don't use loneliness and the will and desire of wanting a relationship take you down the path of giving yourself up, in hope that it will turn into something, keep your pride because there is always someone out there for someone.
@shibbyshan,
Thank you for the kind words and feedback. I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems it has been 5 days. I don't know if this is a fantasy i have created in my own mind seems we have never met and so he may seem mysterious to me in some way, but i had sexual fantasies about him every day.
I took the initiative yesterday and after 5 days of silence asked him if he still wanted to be friends, and if not then i guess we should stop talking. I was hoping he had maybe just felt i was a little intense but cared enough about the friendship to come back and say i want to be friends but just need space, or something to that extent, and he never responded. I really don't understand people and i am feeling very hurt right now. Why would someone be upfront about a lot of things, but not be upfront about not wanting to talk to you anymore, and tell you they don't want to stop talking? I feel he led me on by telling me he didn't want to stop talking and cared about the friendship, only to ignore me.
I am trying to get my head around all of this. I feel very cheap right now. We are still facebook friends but i am sure it is only a matter of time before he unfriends me now. I know i may of come on too strong, but i demanded answers that i never received. I am very honest and would tell someone if i didn't want to talk to them anymore and the reasons. I wouldn't lie and give them false hope only to ignore them reaching out to me thereafter.
@shibbyshan,
Fantasies are exactly that. But when they become an obsession in the real World, it's noted.
I would say that even sending that text message is "creeping" him out.. In that I mean, you are still going at him, he's fully aware of your attachment and if he was to sleep with you, the on-going text messages that would follow as he wouldn't continue from there, just the one night..
Fantasies can be dangerous to your health when you bring them to the fore-front and make it all you think about..
Just take a few deep breaths . You know that it would have been a once off and you would have then felt used. Instead you just feel kinda cheap and only because in your mind you were rejected.
No, he would have had sex with you, if you let him play all the cards but he would have walked from there and then you would have felt cheap.
Don't write him anymore love. It's showing a form of obsession over him..
There is someone out there for you.. Don't offer yourself up. Unless that is all you are after and can accept that is all that it was.
@shibbyshan,
Thank you for the feedback. Could you maybe tell me as a guy why a guy would say they seriously didn't wanna stop talking and cared about the friendship if clearly they don't? He doesn't seem the kind of guy to not want to hurt a girls feelings. Also, would you unfriend him on fb or just leave it as is? I don't want to seem bitter and boost his ego even more.
@shibbyshan,
Dear God, sweetheart you have never met this guy. There is no way of knowing any photo he posts is actually him, or even if he's really a him and not a her. Some folks love drama so much they don't think about the other players as real. Just move on, block him from FB (it's not proof you're bitter, it means you don't want to play this silly ass game anymore). Please remember that the internet offers disturbed folks an outlet to pretend they are something they are not. For those types, the internet is just a game, they don't think ahead far enough to realize they are hurting others. And they really don't care.
Some sorts have been harming people with imaginary promises for centuries. But the internet gives more sick folks an opportunity to hurt others and remain
anonymous. They count on the fact that you will never meet in person, and they honestly feel no remorse. They have no blood in the game, so please don't worry that mr. I haven't met thinks anything. Save yourself some brain cells and just drop this fraudulent character. Stay away from FB for awhile and discover other ways to live a full life. Good luck.
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