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Does this make me gay? Bi?

 
 
Reply Mon 13 Oct, 2014 12:00 am
I don't really care too much for labels, but I guess I'm just wondering more of if I'm the only one that feels this way... So, I'm 19. I've never really had much of a boyfriend... Or a girlfriend for that matter. I'm physically attracted to mostly males. However, every once in awhile, I'll be extremely attracted to women. And it's crazy. The two attractions feel so different from each other. It's really hard to explain though. And the only girls I've been attracted to are mostly butches. There has been one exception though. The only lesbian experience I've ever had was when I was maybe 12 and my best friend and I were experimenting with each other because we pretty much just learned about what sex was. I will say that I remember thinking it felt really good when we were touching... I'm still a virgin, but I have had sexual interactions with guys before. A guy. I really enjoyed kissing him, but (and I'll just be straight forward on this...) when he fingered me I wasn't turned on at all... It just hurt. Of course this was just with one guy. And one girl. So...
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neologist
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Oct, 2014 12:17 am
@Pandapearls,
Same sex attractions are extremely common and do not, in themselves, define your sexuality. Nor do your past sexual experiences. Do you have a trusted mature friend or counselor in whom to confide?

It would certainly be no shame to remain a virgin until you settle things in your mind.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 13 Oct, 2014 01:50 am
@Pandapearls,
Pandapearls wrote:

I don't really care too much for labels, but I guess I'm just wondering more of if I'm the only one that feels this way... So, I'm 19. I've never really had much of a boyfriend... Or a girlfriend for that matter. I'm physically attracted to mostly males. However, every once in awhile, I'll be extremely attracted to women. And it's crazy. The two attractions feel so different from each other. It's really hard to explain though. And the only girls I've been attracted to are mostly butches. There has been one exception though. The only lesbian experience I've ever had was when I was maybe 12 and my best friend and I were experimenting with each other because we pretty much just learned about what sex was. I will say that I remember thinking it felt really good when we were touching... I'm still a virgin, but I have had sexual interactions with guys before. A guy. I really enjoyed kissing him, but (and I'll just be straight forward on this...) when he fingered me I wasn't turned on at all... It just hurt. Of course this was just with one guy. And one girl. So...


Does it matter? That is my question to you and it's not a rhetorical one. If you are attracted to both and are inclined to want physical interaction from both, it is okay and there is nothing wrong with it. You shouldn't feel bad about your feelings or your attraction towards females.

One way to look at it is this, are you attracted to ALL males? Probably not, but since you aren't does that make you less heterosexual? No. You really can't help who you find attractive, it is a series of innate traits that trigger your attraction. So when some women display those traits you find appealing then you will naturally feel attraction towards them.

So to actually answer your question, if you continue to find both women and men attractive and seek them out romantically then yes you are bi. But there is nothing wrong with that either.
0 Replies
 
victorcarjan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Oct, 2014 02:26 am
@Pandapearls,
Yes, what you described is "Bisexual". However, it is not a permanent label. When you are thinking of or having sex with a male, you are straight in that moment. Whenever you think about, or have sex with a girl, you are lesbian. Your entire life is not dictated by this, only in those moments. Obviously, if you are thinking of or having sex with a guy and a girl, you are Bisexual.

What people are sexually attracted to are directly related to their environment, its a nurture over nature. What is common with people who watch pornography, is that there is a constant progression in what they find sexually stimulating. Over time, they no longer find stimulation over nude photos but need more erotic behavior to satisfy themselves. However, this process can also be reversed.


For you, there were thousands of various different things that happened in your life that opened the door in your mind to accept females as suitable sexual stimulation. The more you explore this in your mind, the more likely you will be to seek out a physical female partner. You are likely experiencing a different feeling because of the "taboo" aspect of pushing the bounds of what is "sexually acceptable". This is likely to fade after you no longer feel that way and are more open and unafraid of people's thoughts about you.

You are not "Labeled" because as I said, it's due to environment, and it can be reversed if you didn't want to be attracted to males or females. When you are at school, or driving in your car, your sexual preferences don't define you whatsoever. Only in those moments when you think or do, can you label yourself as anything. Hope this helps.
0 Replies
 
HesDeltanCaptain
 
  0  
Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2015 09:14 am
@Pandapearls,
Hetero/Homo/Bisexuality are all just words coined in 1882 by a lunatic German who maintained that only heterosexual sex for reproduction-only was 'acceptable' and everything else was a mental disorder. Unfortunately, much as now, this was then and is still largely the accepted view of sexuality. But the reality is it's wrong and sexual orientations don't actually exist. What does exist is 'sexual fluidity.' Or, pursueing sexual relations on a case-by-case basis.

But who we have a sexual experience with does not define our sexual orientation. Many porn actors who do 'gay' porn are in fact straight-identifying. Many Hollywood actors do gay roles despite not being gay (Michael Douglas and in that recent Liberace movie for instance.) And prisoners often 'make due' with gay relationships because of a loss of options, yet return to straight-relationships once outside the prison enviroment. Also, how these orientations are described in the USA isn't how they're defined everywhere as in Brazil. There, only the passive or submissive (aka 'bottom') participants is thought of as 'gay.' Where the 'top' can be accepted as straight (reasoning I guess everyone's mouth and bottom feels the same heh.) And of course the sexual experimentation most everyone engages in at some point does not then come to define their sexuality. Nor is a guy who engages in same-sex sex when very drunk or otherwise chemically-influenced necessarily gay. Then of course there's those who maintain hetero-relationships yet use gay porn, have gay fantasies, etc. but for whatever reaosn never avail themselves of those desires for various reasons.

So if you WANT to identify with a label like gay, straight, bi, or whatever else more power to you. But that label change change on a dime so isn't really anything objective to hang our hats on.
0 Replies
 
HesDeltanCaptain
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Aug, 2015 09:11 am
@Pandapearls,
We make ourselves gay, bi, and straight by labelling ourselves that way. Nothing we do sexually turns us into an automoton helpless to do differently. Is Michael Douglas gay for his role in that Liberace movie? Is Matt Damon?

Only thing anyone is is 'situationally sexually fluid.' Sex is sex, sexually active is sexually active, but if same-sex sex was all it took to be gay or bi then just about every college student would be gay or bi. Smile
0 Replies
 
 

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