Unable/afraid to show her affection?

I'm getting the impression that if you were really interested, you'd've done something by now. She may be getting a similar impression.

The time for talking and dancing around is long past. I'm not saying that you need to be overly aggressive but I don't see anything wrong with going in for the kiss.

And then you'll know, not only whether she wants to take it a step further, but also whether you're comfortable with that.

Seems like you have some PSTD from the last relationship where you got dumped. Did you ever talk to someone about that?

Your hesitancy in making a move on a gal whom you say you want to cuddle and who shows an interest in you says something is holding you up.

You may need to talk to a professional about it.

It honestly is something i have thought about yeah. More and more lately am i considering talking to a professional about this. It was in 2011 that my beloved father passed away and he was waaaaay too young. I started talking to a psychologist about this, my mourning but also my other problems. Those problems were that i simply didn't date at all, while i did wanted to find someone nice. Now that i know someone nice i notice these problems that i have. But i wonder...is a psychologist the right person for this?

Either way.....There were a few things i forgot to mention, but nonetheless probably quite important things.

When i still had a girlfriend, or you know when we first met...a spark happened or however you call it. It was easy to see that we were attracted to eachother and we were also quite physical pretty early on. The big difference is, in that situation we didn't become friends first...it was love at first sight pretty much. With this young lady now i've been friends for a while now, and mostly through the phone messenger we have been flirting and acting...affectionate i guess. In person very little has happened. So judging by the phone messenger messages and things she has sent me, there seems to be more, but just like me, she really doesn't show it in person. I am sure that because of that it makes it extra hard for me to get into that....vibe i guess. But i know i know...i've nothing to lose and i must take the 'lead'. But there is more....

It's clear that i have talked too much about my feelings with her, i now fully realize that i should have only mentioned it once and from there actually show it, but what's done is done. I said that i met her via a friend, right? That friend has a girlfriend and after a while she thought it was a good idea to interfere with us, so kinda get in between us and 'interrogate' the lady i like about me. From now on i'll call the interfering girl, Girl 1 and the girl i like Girl 2, otherwise i'll become confusing. So on one day Girl 1 came to my house and she said ''I know it's not my business, but i spoke to her, i interrogated her about what she would do if you were to make a move.'' And she claimed that the girl i like had said she would not like that and that we should simply stay friends. I thought this was weird, cause with all the flirting and what we had spoken about was clearly an indication for more than friendship.

At first i didn't want to mention this to the girl i like, just forget about it. But it kept messing with my mind so i decided to talk about it and she was shocked to hear this. Said she had never said this and that she didn't understand why the other girl would do that, lie like that and stuff. So we just decided to continue on and see where we'll get. More and more of this stuff happened and Girl 1 kept interfering and interrogating her and all that, while i had never asked her to get in between us, i am like...mind your own business.

But then after a while when the girl i like had celebrated her birthday at my house, cause it wasn't possible in her place, i noticed that her bag of presents was still here. So i decided to do something fun...i got onto the messenger and said...''Silly, you forgot your presents and you know what they say, finders keepers. But i am willing to trade, a little kiss for the bag of presents. While i basically meant this as a joke, a tease i guess, she took it too seriously and said she'd rather not kiss yet. Kissing already meant for her that things go too fast. I then said i was merely teasing but that i still wouldn't mind it though, but that i of course respect her decision.

A few days later i receive a message on the messenger where she says it's probably better to just stay friends with no expectations and hopes for more. She simply wasn't ready for a full romantic relationship. She said that if those annoying things with girl 1 had not happened, things would have probably gone different between the two of us. She said she believes we can have a great time together but that for the time being it just wasn't possible with a rather busy daily life when it comes to work and school for her.

I then said....look first of all i wasn't necessarily looking for a full romantic relationship yet. If it comes to that, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Things like that need to build up, first we;ll find out if 'us' can work. I was more looking for more intimacy with you, simply cuddling, more coziness, and we'll see from there how it goes. I know...maybe i shouldn;t have said all that, but i did. She said we can definitely do that, being more close to eachother, cuddling, holding, but no kissing. The next time she came to my place i decided to talk some more about it, cause i did not understand this turn of events. She then told me the biggest reason she had told me that on the messenger was because she did not want to get in between me and my two friends. They were friends of hers too, but i was already hanging around with the two before she was introduced. She said there was no guarantee the girl wouldn't start to interfere again and she just did not want that, she did not want to get in between me and my two 'friends'. I told her it was not her fault and that the other girl was 100% to blame for that. I also said it would be a shame if we can't become more just because of that annoying girl. As for the being more close to eachother and becoming more than friends...she again said we can still do that and that right now we are still good friends and if it becomes more.....what happens, happens.

I honestly at that time did not have much expectations anymore. It seemed like she didn't exactly know what she wanted. But it was after all this that she'd send me audio clips calling me sweet and thanking me for a great time. Kissy icons out of the blue or telling me to text her as soon as i came home after i had spend time at her place. If i have to be honest here, i wouldn;t even mind if we don't kiss yet. I just want more intimacy and it seems that there is more for her than just friendship too...cause friends don't send eachother such things if you ask me. Either way...i just wanted to mention these things. She also has been through a lot, she once had a boyfriend that had hit her once very hard and also liked to pinch her, yeah...quite sick really. She also suffers from psychosis and has medicine for this. Has been in a sort of clinic for three years or so, but she's doing better and better now. But i do think all those things have changed her. She's anything but a very physical person and is also very quiet. I truly do care about her and i hope the best for her, i just wish i could stop being such a wuss and geez....do something 'just a good friend' wouldn't do.

I have to be honest, i am more and more thinking about talking to a professional about this. Cause i ain't getting anywhere like this. Either way, if you guys got any more advice, shoot! I apreciate it a lot.

I think Miss Interference did you a bit of a favor. You don't mention the time frame, but if your lady friend is still not interested in even kissing, that tells me something. Question: are you American? Deeply religious? Very young? Some of these details would help in terms of figuring out whether her behavior (and even your own) makes sense in context. E. g. you are both extremely devout Catholics and she's barely 21 - that would tell me that going super-slow is probably the norm. Same if you're in a very religious country or a country where arranged marriages are more common (e. g. India).

What I am saying is that American atheists in their mid-thirties, in blue states, who already are no longer virgins are probably not people who are going to hold back for that long unless there's some form of trauma back there.

If there is, she might be a bit of a reclamation project. As I suspect you are, a bit.

Go talk to a professional and get this sorted out. Something is holding you back, or at the very least it's making you settle.

He is 32! If he was indian - he would be married already.
Also he might be gay or bi in a closet having no idea.

Moonwalker - you have gotten yourself involved with a girl who has ISSUES.

She gives you mixed signals and then changes her mind at the end.

Why are you spending so much energy on a woman that plays such games?
No wonder you have no confidence. She is too hard to figure out.

Move on and find a woman who says what she means and means what she says. This one is a mixed up little girl, a tease who does not know her own mind.

May I ask your age?

Hi all,

Thanks all for the comments, i appreciate it a lot. First of all, nope i am not gay, i'm as straight as it gets.

I am gonna cut to the chase, i saw her today. I went to her place, had dinner, talked a little and watched a movie. I also...made my move. But well......i don't know. I'll explain.

We started watching a movie and unexpectedly she briefly touched/stroked my shirt and she said ''Cool shirt.''. Now she's really not a very touchy/physical person, at least not when she's with me. But i guess this doesn't have to mean anything.

So a bit later on in the movie and she had a blanket on her cause she was cold, she asks me if i was cold. I said nah, but i can keep you a little extra warm. I then moved closer and put my arm around her. While i did this she answered with a soft voice that she had a blanket. Something along those lines, can't exactly remember it.

From there on we just sat there like that for a while. I honestly cannot say if she truly liked this. It would have been the best if she had let her head rest on my shoulds or something to show affection, cause what i was doing was showing affection for the first time. But nothing like that. It could be anything. Like i said before...she has given me 'signs' , you know, flirty messages on the messenger, photos, voice clips, kissy icons. In person she'd sometimes look at me in a certain way...all kinds of things 'just friends' don't do in my book.

I am done talking about feelings, cause she's well aware of my feelings for her by now. I will just continue on like this for a while, but if nothing is really going to happen on her part, soon i will move on. I know i have to.