Me? I am a semi retired Health and Safety Instructor for the main Matador Union in Spain. We only had eighteen gorings last year, so you can see that my safety training is paying off.
Hobbies include secretly painting the back of people's coats with fluorescent yellow so they don't get run over at night, handing out poo proof beany hats for the pigeon feeders in the town square, giving lavendar infused dog treats to any aggressive looking mutt (calms them down AND freshens the breath) and the painting over of sexually suggestive road advertising in order to reduce local vehicular accident rates among young males.
My first crush was of course, Nanny, who used to look after me when my Parents were on their travels through various poor, exploitable countries.
She was wonderful and did everything for me.....washing, bathing, dressing, feeding, releasing me from the dungeon, putting me to bed at night, giving me cuddles .....aaaah, Nanny.
I was only seventeen at the time, but knew I was in love. It was about that tine I developed my fetish for rubber gloves and kitchen gadgets, but I digress.
When I struck out on my own in the world, just before my forty third birthday, I soon found myself sitting in the desperately poor part of Kensington and Chelsea, with only enough money for a double choc chip giant muffin, a large frappuccino and a moderately priced three storey town house just behind Harrods.
I was sitting there wondering whether life could get any worse, when who should walk by, but a vision of beauty, nay, an angel.
She had two gorgeous legs, one slightly shorter than the other, a nose like a bad prizefighter, one cauliflower ear, teeth like a bag of spanners and, being a dowager of some sort, a trust fund income of £200k per year for life.
It was true love.
Sadly, it didn't last. She ran off wih the plumber who came round to fix the frog filter on the swimming pool, and the only thing I got in the divorce settlement was the southern half of Warwickshire.
Oh well, you makes your own luck.