Reply
Thu 11 Sep, 2014 04:55 pm
I'm so stuck in this relationship right now. I'm 29, so I'm trying to really take my relationships to a more sincere and genuine level, I'm ready for a commitment. Well - Three months ago, I found out in the worst way that my boyfriend of a year (since September 2014) had cheated on me with a girl he formerly dated. I actually used to work with the girl, and still work with her friends so it was the worst possible thing he could do. When one of her friends told me it happened, he lied to me up and down. For days. I asked him once more, and he said he fucked up. I NEVER stay with someone who cheats. I did, however, decide to stick with him. I also found out months before this happened that he texted a girl to come over and "watch him play with his cock." He's ******* 30 years old. I couldn't believe that when I found it.
Now today, months later and after feeling like we were really rebuilding something (he keeps telling me he can't wait to have munchkins and get married...), I find that he's kept some other really bad things from me. Like when he went on a business trip to Montreal, and posted a Craigslist ad of himself, saying he's up for whatever and wants to hook up with girls. On top of him staying in touch with his ex, sending her emails (saw this and reminded me of you!) type of things.
Our sex life is incredible. We do so many fun things together, we keep each other on point, I've grown into better jobs at work, and he's going back to school... We're great for each other. WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THIS? I feel like there's this scary side to him. He's often REALLY upbeat with me, which is so misleading.
I NEED help. I need someone with a different perspective to tell me what the hell is going on with this. So much infidelity, so much lying. I want to forgive him and continue rebuilding, but then I also want to rip his throat out because he makes me so angry that he did these things to us.
Can someone help?
@TooAware,
TooAware wrote: I'm trying to really take my relationships to a more sincere and genuine level, I'm ready for a commitment.
<snip>
WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THIS?
He's in a different place in terms of relationships than you seem to be.
He's not going to change because you want him to. If he changes, it will because he's ready.
Your choices are to stay with him, behaving the way he does, or moving on yourself.
Not saying it's easy either way, but you need to decide.
If his behaviour bothers you, then you need to leave the relationship.
If you are ok with his behaviour, then you're in a good relationship for both of you.
I keep telling people that if I could give the Universe advice on how to evolve to its next level, it would be to remove the walls between us that allows us to be secret - secrets have done nothing for us in the entire history of mankind except turn the only thing that matters to us into a secret that even we cannot swallow. It's not easy living life wrapped in a lie. You just have to do what you can with yourself to always remember there's a whole world over the hedge maze.
It's painful to experience, but it can only make you stronger.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace