When asked why, but the truth is negative do you tell the truth?

In some circumstances, I might say
that I do nt wish to render an insulting reply
and remain silent.





David

You realize that what you said IS insulting?

If its an ideological matter of significant principle, then
I 'm gonna carry my own flag, not fake it out to please someone,
(tho u don t necessarily want to start a fight),
but if a chic asks if u like the dish that she just cooked for dinner,
then I think mercy may be the order of the day.





David

Wow, it would really depend on the situation linkat.

Sometimes I've had a legit reason to cover for someone, and let someone else know everything is fine (but only because I made it right). I'm know that there's been times when someone has done this for me.

Trying not to be too general, sometimes you know the other person is just having an off day, and unawares didn't complete/say/do something properly, and you have the power/ability to make it seem as if they did.

Maybe it's the first impression this person was going to make on someone, and you know they normally have the ability to do well, but just needed an assist this time.

I think that's just being helpful and kind.

The problem there is determining that this isn't going to become a habit.

As far as telling something that would be negative, I would do that if the action taken by the other would have, or had a very good chance, of harming someone.

Could you somehow be more specific linkat?

I'm with Chai in that it really depends on the situation. A white lie works really well most of the time unless there a real problem that needs to be solved. If the person is not going to be better off knowing the truth, then there is no benefit to causing pain.

I agree that it depends on the situation. If the question is, "Why don't you answer my calls?" or "How come you're always busy when I want to get together?", and the answer is, "Because I'm trying to avoid you!" Then I probably wouldn't say just that. I'd probably put it back on myself. There's a difference between being honest and being brutally honest. And, then there's being dishonest in order to be kind (or at least not hurtful). There's a time and place for all of those.

The answer to "Does this dress make me look fat?" is almost always no. The answer to "Can I borrow some money?" is usually no. The answer to "Do you like the new food I made?" is often no as well. It doesn't do a lot of good to be nasty. For people seeking honest opinions, the problem is that most of this is rather personal stuff. For the person seeking validation of their fashion choices and/or their weight and appearance, you can often answer something along the lines of "I like the blue one better." To the money borrowing issue, you don't need to reveal your financial situation to them, but there's nothing wrong with suggesting that someone consider ways to save. For the food situation, you can deflect that one, too, with something like, "It's a bold risk. I'm glad you tried something new. Can you pass the salt?" (or ketchup or whatever)

I write and I get and give reviews. It's easy to really trash people. But that's unkind and it's unnecessary. Everyone starts out poorly, and I mean everyone. I try to offer something constructive, e. g. "This is a good start. Maybe you could spend more time on character development." Or "Let's look at the mechanics of the piece. You aren't using the word you're correctly." And then cite the authority showing that you are correct. The only time I really have issues is when someone has out and out copied another's work. If that's the case, then I'll just go straight to the site owner wherever the work is posted, claim plagiarism, and show whatever proof I've got. But there's no sense in being nasty to people who aren't stealing others' work and are making an effort. It's how you learn – and, I might add, I wasn't exactly encouraged to write creatively when I was a middle schooler. How much did that hold me back? I don't want to be a dream crusher. God knows people get enough of that in their lives without me piling on, too.

What happens in the first clip explains the white lie in the second clip.

Not to digress from linkats subject, but that first clip was so like a former co-worker of mine, who was a habitual liar (like I supposed the person not seen in that clip is). Well, I don't know so much that she was a liar on purpose. I believe she just had this entire fantasy universe in her head, and whatever it produced came out of her mouth.

One day, when I was alone in the office, she arrived, came to the doorway of my office, dramatically slumped into the door frame, clutching it for support, and said "My brothers been Murdered!"

Long story short, he'd gotten into a bar fight, and been punched.

If u say that,
u might well have an enemy for life.
Its a bold risk! U shud not try that.

That's why I offered an alternative script.

Yeah- here is one - and I know that each situation is different - that is why I put in when would you lie and when would you not.

Say the same thing happens over and over - not anything really bad, just sometimes you get tired of it. My husband likes to talk alot -- I am quiet and get tired out of hearing talking about so much time and not getting to the point more quickly. For instance I like to relay facts and what needs to be communicated over the phone especially when I am driving. I don't like just chit chat when driving and talking on the phone. Hubby is the opposite.

So he is babbling nothing too important and could be completed in about 30 seconds, to add, when I try to say something I get two words out and he cuts me off and keeps going. No big deal normally -- but at the end of it I say ok. He is says you didn't say anything so I tell him well I tried but you cut me off. I left out the not taking 15 minutes to get to the point sort of thing. He got upset at me and defensive. Normally I just let him go --- I honestly do not think he realizes this. But you know sometimes you just feel you gotta tell them.

But it is more than that - just got me thinking when is it a good thing to tell someone the truth when they ask? To me do they really want to know the truth/will it help them/will they accept it and just as important in Jack Nickloson's words ---

You can't handle the truth!

And here is a personal situation where the tables were turned --- someone was straight forward negative feedback to me - that hurt a bit. But it should have been told. It was a work situation where I here and there were be not so politically correct to my boss and in front of other people.

It wasn't directly mean -- I knew him so well that I would be almost brutually honest and would respond almost disrespectfuly to him -- which was the opposite of how I felt about him. I think our personal relationship knowing each other so well made me comfortable speaking to him like that - which just among us was fine.

When he told me I was a bit defensive and said I wouldn't be disrespectful to you and then asked him as I didn't realize I did it, told him next time I do it - point it out to me. He was true to his word and I was horrified at yep he was right. But I did learn and never did it again.

If a friend (especially a female one) ever asks your opinion of her original art,
including culinary art, if u know what's good for u,
u better LIKE it.

I had that happen, turned around the other way,
with a friend of mine, Donald, in NY. I explained complex situations
to him, at necessary length, inasmuch as the factual situation
was intertwined. He kept interrupting me with pre-mature replies,
in that he did not yet know all of the facts; in his impatience,
he just ASSUMED that he knew them; repeatedly. Frustrating!

I believe that this resulted from him being in a tense state-of-mind.
Still, I forcefully complained. He answered that he is psychic,
so he knew the rest anyway. Admittedly, he has executed some
astonishing psychic acts, but still, he did not actually know
all the facts that I was telling him and therefore, his decisions were pre-mature.





David

I truly do not try to be nasty in any replies, but there are times where I know the "truth" will hurt...and I offer the truth anyway.

I am very adept at changing a subject...known for strategic changes among my friends. So I often use that tactic. But if someone persists for some unknown (usually masochistic) reason...and the change of subject does not work...I give an answer.

But most of my friends also know that I am not the go-to guy for a response that bolsters rather than tells the truth.

No friend who knows me...who, after getting a haircut that turned out less than flattering, will come to me and ask, "How does this haircut look?" (What'd they cut it with...a lawnmower?)

No friend who knows me will ever ask me, "Does this outfit make my ass look big?" (NO, your ass makes your ass look big.)

There are people who regularly do that sort of bolstering thing. Let friends go to them; they are safe. Stay to the high ground...and, as someone earlier said, if you can work something constructive into a negative reply if forced to give one...do so.

I'm in the "it depends" camp.

I don't have much respect for anyone who insists they must always tell the truth even if it offends or hurts someone.

I would tell the truth when I thought the person needed to hear it.

If it is the case that while the person needs to hear the truth, I, never-the-less, care about their feelings, I would make a concerted effort to deliver the truth as gently as possible while still meeting the need.

In rare instances when I think the person needs to be put in their place or embarrassed, I would deliver the truth in a way that best accomplishes the objective.

For instance, if a very nice, but very overweight person asked me the cliche question of "Do these slacks make me look fat," I would lie and answer they did not.

If the same person told me that their doctor had advised them that their weight was a serious health threat for them and then asked me "Do you think I'm fat?", my reply would be something like "I think that if your doctor feels your weight is a serious health problem, that you should take his advice seriously and follow whatever instructions he gave you." If the person wouldn't take that for an answer and asked, "Yeah, I know, but do you think I am fat?", I would say something to the effect of "I think you probably are heavier than your ideal weight, did the doctor tell you want that is?"

If a different person, with the same weight problem, had just spent the last 30 minutes directly insulting everyone one else's appearance and then asked me "Do you think I'm fat?", I would answer, "Very."