struggling with love

Hello everyone
Here is my story that leaves me with sadness all around
My college life started 6 years back and so does my friendship with a special guy whom today I love the most. I was in a relationship for like 7-8 months with some1whom I dint love. (I was touch with my ex-bf evn aftr he moved to a new place but only as friends. )
we were friends at that tym also and even after that. He knew evrythng about my relationship my ex-bf .. he knew evrythng .
time passed and One day he proposed me and since last 3 years we are in a relationship(but he says he loved me from the day 1 we met). I fel deeply for him.. I loved him from soul. It was clean and pure. And I can bet no other guy can love me to the extent he does. He loves me sooooooooooo much.
Things changed while moving from friends to lovers .. he loved me alot but he never trusted … he dint like me talking to any other guy of class or any guy I knew.. he dint like me going out with my friends for outings or anything,.. he was so insecured but at the same time he use to send time with his classmates who were girls but I never had any prblm coz I trusted him
Ladai ladai aur ladai hoti thi humari sirf inhi reasons ki vajah se… har baat ka proof mangta thaw o.. har baat e swaal hota tha.. mera phn mere account har cheez check krta tha… har minute ki report leta tha chahe colg mein thi ya family ke sath.. he needed proofs for my every movement.. I thought he vl chng hs way of thinking with time tbhi I stopped complaining and I stoped any interaction with boys in lecture or outside even on fb..I started avoiding my friends while theyuse to plan any outings or any plans.i thought in sum tym he vl chng but aaesa nahi hua… wo aur restrictions lagane laga.. main bardash krti rahi… jail jaesa lagna shuru ho gya..
But kai bar mujhse bardash nhi hota tha.. I use to fiet for my freedom.. why I cant go with my friends for movie.. why cant I talk to any guy… ye sab mujhe kyun krna padta tha.. y cant I live the way I wnt… aur agr lad kar kabhi main apni marzi ke kaam krti thi toh uske bina bhi reh bhi nhi pati thi .. phr main uske pass chali jaati thi tb wo mujhe insult krta, rulta, bht bura feel krvata… this scene use to repeat coz mujhse nhi raha jata jail mein
Main ye krti thi coz I loved him par wo kbhi nhi badla.. maine har wo kaam krne ki dil se koshish kri jisse wo mjhse khush ho jay par wo kbhi mjhse khush nhi hua.
Ladai ladai aur ladai bus yahi hota rha…. Uski nafrat mere liye badti rahi… he use to abuse me also..bht bura feel krvata tha… bht tym tk main bardash krti thi but pht I too started replyingin the same harsh angry tone coz I too had self resect…
Tym ke sath sath baatein aur bigadti gai…fiets fiets and fiets..no respect no mercy at all
I lost everything.. I started hating myslf.
Aaesa nahi hai ki main galti nhi krti thi.. I have made mistakes by hidng thngs from him but main kya karti .. I could not live with so much restrictions and agar usko kch bhi kehti toh wo kbhi na smjhta mujhe.. iss dar se main use chuati thi baatein
But I swear to my god there was not a min when I had any wrong intensions… I loved him from heart . my love was pure
Wo mjhe kbhi nhi smjhta tha….. humari bht ladaiyan hoti thi… wo bht shak krta tha tbhi he use to relate me with my ex-bf in evry fiet.. he use to Say I have been cheating him … but aaesa kbhi kch nhi tha.. use sab pehle din se ta mere bare mein.. I use to cry.. I use to beg .bt he nvr use to believe me..he use to insult me a lot… hz words use to be very rude and harsh… it use to be very painful bt I cud nvr make him believe.
I cudnot do anything .. agar kbhi ladai hui hai toh main kch bhi krlun..chahe roti rahun.. tadapti rahun.. he wudnt talk till the tym he don’t want.. it makes me feel as if I am a beggar wo begging for sum love… but agr wo kch kare toh I have to agree within a minute
He insult me infront of my friends, he say me very wrong words and ek bar he slapped me also.Maine sab bardash kiya kyunki I cant live without him..
No matter what I do ye sab kbhi nhi badal skta…
I feel ye uski soch hai jo main chah ke bhi nhi badal payi 6 saal mein…I don’t know ki kya term krun isko ..Pyaar.. nafrat ya kya
Aaj bhi ladai hui hai humari.. reason is same wo mjhse aaj bhi proof mangta hai har choti baat ka..we are moving into job eriod now.. how long can I stay like this
There’s no happiness i for me without him and there’s no peace in life with him
I am in need of sum meaningfull guidance.. help me…!