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Fri 21 May, 2004 12:09 pm
My question involves the right to date. I'm feeling like I am way too out of it socially to date someone and it be fair. I have had a problem with digesting food for a long time and a body odor that was because of it. I have been treated, and did a lot of hard work physically to get over the problem. Psychologically, I had to endure ridicule from women, men and children alike for the body odor. Which I'm not ashamed of, since I was not responsible for it. Anymore than someone with cancer is responsible for the cancer. Well, I have come through all the cruelty people felt completely free and correct in dishing out to me daily. And I even laugh at their "cruelty" today and know I'm a better person for it.
I dealt with their cruelty and even though the problem no longer exists I know that there are people who will never let me forget that that happened. Or have their own opinions about why the body odor was there. Fine, I can deal with that and I have no desire to explain the situation to them.
However, I don't know if any man is able to deal with that in my past the way that I can. People's rude comments (people who were rude before and therefore will always treat me the way they did when the body odor was present), behaviors, etc. And I'm afraid that his reputation will become just as bad as mine and he will be angry that I even attempted to date him. And humiliated/embarassed.
Should I not date? As a woman, I know men want a woman they can be proud of when they go out together. Also, for myself, I don't want a man to feel like I was insulting him by dating him. And feel that I hurt someone's pride by dating them because I am so obviously low on the dating scale to most everyone.
You sound like you have become a strong person through all your trauma. By all means date, just look for a strong, sensitive man. I know a lot of women say they are few and far between, but they are out there. Also, date outside your circle of emotional abusers.
You've overcome your physical problems now you must do the same with the psychological ones. Best way is to date. And remember that you have a lot to offer. If he can't see that, maybe he's not worthy of you. Good luck
Why shouldn't you date? If you find someone who wants to go out with you then off you go - enjoy!
Oh and why don't you just avoid those people who were cruel about your body odor issues - if they can't drop the subject and accept you for the new you then don't waste your time or energy with them. Develop a new set of friends and associates and meet people outside of that old group. If you cannot do this (let's say some of these people are family) then be assertive with them. I love that saying "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". None of us are so perfect that we can gleefully lash out and berate others for their imperfections. If someone makes a comment about you, ask them how they manage to be so perfect when everyone else is not - it must be so lonely atop that ivory tower. I used to have a guy tell me I was overweight. He would say it as a matter of fact each day - not in a terribly nasty way but in a way that told me I was not good enough for him. I finally snapped at him that I could actually do something about the weight but it wouldn't be as easy for him to drop that nasty personality.
Dating is like real estate. Think location, location, location. Time to relocate.
lots of available attorneys where I work :-) want some?
Dating is usually awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes just plain horrible. Why shouldn't you have the same misery as the rest of us? Go for it.
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