6
   

Please help me understand my fiance's depression and anxiety?

 
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:00 pm
@panzade,
panzade wrote:

I don't know about that.
Depression is generally thought to be a chemical imbalance, sometimes hereditary as in my case.
The treatment for PTSD resulting from childhood sexual abuse is pretty effective and I would add any guy becoming embittered by a spouses childhood sexual abuse isn't much of a man.
Quote:
men... will have difficulty ever loving again.

I love it when you exaggerate hawk Very Happy

When a woman does this it's called histrionic...when a man does it is it called scrotionic?
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:02 pm
@Germlat,
You nailed it sistah...
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:24 pm
@panzade,
panzade wrote:

I don't know about that.
Depression is generally thought to be a chemical imbalance, sometimes hereditary as in my case.
The treatment for PTSD resulting from childhood sexual abuse is pretty effective and I would add any guy becoming embittered by a spouses childhood sexual abuse isn't much of a man.
Quote:
men... will have difficulty ever loving again.

I love it when you exaggerate hawk Very Happy


there is no exaggeration, this is what often happens. And you missed the point....going into relationship with a damaged person thinking that your love and attention will fix them usually does not work, and often puts you in line for a lot of abuse from the damaged person until and unless you wise up. Not only do these people leave the relationship knowing that they were wrong going into the relationship, but often they hold on for years (getting abused the whole time), always thinking that the next thing they try to save their spouse will be the thing that works. Investing years or decades into a stupid project that does not work and which instead of the expected praise for a good deed instead earns abuse leaves these mates of the damaged bitter often, sometimes bitter beyond repair.

It really does not matter what name the docs give the damage, depression, PTSD, bipolar.....the view from the spouses angle is the same.
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:27 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

panzade wrote:

I don't know about that.
Depression is generally thought to be a chemical imbalance, sometimes hereditary as in my case.
The treatment for PTSD resulting from childhood sexual abuse is pretty effective and I would add any guy becoming embittered by a spouses childhood sexual abuse isn't much of a man.
Quote:
men... will have difficulty ever loving again.

I love it when you exaggerate hawk Very Happy


there is no exaggeration, this is what often happens. And you missed the point....going into relationship with a damaged person thinking that your love and attention will fix them usually does not work, and often puts you in line for a lot of abuse from the damaged person. Not only do these people leave the relationship knowing that they were wrong going into the relationship, but often they hold on for years (getting abused the whole time), always thinking that the next thing they try to save their spouse will be the thing that works. It really does not matter what name the docs give the damage, depression, PTSD, bipolar.....the view from the spouses angle is the same.

This is when knowing the difference between empathy and sympathy comes in handy. It's not like you don't have a choice.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:34 pm
@Germlat,
Quote:
When a woman does this it's called histrionic...when a man does it is it called scrotionic?



and you know that I am wrong how? I am in my fifties, been in relationship with a CSA for 30 years, was in the CSA community for about 15 years meeting many victims and their partners, counselling many informally. Helping many too.

Not that me saying this will change your mind of course. But it would be nice if you could try to focus on the topic and save making fun of speakers for threads of topics with less importance.
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:50 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
When a woman does this it's called histrionic...when a man does it is it called scrotionic?



and you know that I am wrong how? I am in my fifties, been in relationship with a CSA for 30 years, was in the CSA community for about 15 years meeting many victims and their partners, counselling many informally. Helping many too.

Not that me saying this will change your mind of course. But it would be nice if you could try to focus on the topic and save making fun of speakers for threads of topics with less importance.


I'm not saying your right or wrong. I'm saying that there is a difference between having sympathy and getting sucked into a sick world. I'm also saying that one has the option to choose. Age makes no difference...people can get sucked into all sorts of situations...even when well-intended. If you want to be someone's savior or therapist , don't become their lover.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:50 pm
@Germlat,
Germlat wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:

panzade wrote:

I don't know about that.
Depression is generally thought to be a chemical imbalance, sometimes hereditary as in my case.
The treatment for PTSD resulting from childhood sexual abuse is pretty effective and I would add any guy becoming embittered by a spouses childhood sexual abuse isn't much of a man.
Quote:
men... will have difficulty ever loving again.

I love it when you exaggerate hawk Very Happy


there is no exaggeration, this is what often happens. And you missed the point....going into relationship with a damaged person thinking that your love and attention will fix them usually does not work, and often puts you in line for a lot of abuse from the damaged person. Not only do these people leave the relationship knowing that they were wrong going into the relationship, but often they hold on for years (getting abused the whole time), always thinking that the next thing they try to save their spouse will be the thing that works. It really does not matter what name the docs give the damage, depression, PTSD, bipolar.....the view from the spouses angle is the same.

This is when knowing the difference between empathy and sympathy comes in handy. It's not like you don't have a choice.


Wrong, that is of little importance. The important thing as a mate of a damaged person is knowing boundaries, constantly working to maintain boundaries in your relationship, and knowing how to and prioritizing taking care of yourself so that your relationship with a damaged person does not grind you up and spit you out. Somebody earlier in this thread alluded to this, and they are right. I would have been much more impressed with the OP if she had come around asking " how do I stay OK in this relationship so that I can stay in it, cause I love him and want to stay?".
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 02:59 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

Germlat wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:

panzade wrote:

I don't know about that.
Depression is generally thought to be a chemical imbalance, sometimes hereditary as in my case.
The treatment for PTSD resulting from childhood sexual abuse is pretty effective and I would add any guy becoming embittered by a spouses childhood sexual abuse isn't much of a man.
Quote:
men... will have difficulty ever loving again.

I love it when you exaggerate hawk Very Happy


there is no exaggeration, this is what often happens. And you missed the
point....going into relationship with a damaged person thinking that your love and attention will fix them usually does not work, and often puts you in line for a lot of abuse from the damaged person. Not only do these people leave the relationship knowing that they were wrong going into the relationship, but often they hold on for years (getting abused the whole time), always thinking that the next thing they try to save their spouse will be the thing that works. It really does not matter what name the docs give the damage, depression, PTSD, bipolar.....the view from the spouses angle is the same.

This is when knowing the difference between empathy and sympathy comes in handy. It's not like you don't have a choice.


Wrong, that is of little importance. The important thing as a mate of a damaged person is knowing boundaries, constantly working to maintain boundaries in your relationship, and knowing how to and prioritizing taking care of yourself
so that your relationship with a damaged person does not grind you up and spit you out. Somebody earlier in this thread alluded to this, and they are right. I would have been much more impressed with the OP if she had come around asking " how do I stay OK in this relationship so that I can stay in it, cause I love him and want to stay?".

I guess you didn't read my last post.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 04:02 pm
What is CSA?
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 04:09 pm
@ossobuco,
ossobuco wrote:

What is CSA?

childhood sexual abuse

If you dont remember the story my wife was sexual tortured by her older brother and his friends between the ages of 8 - 11, the brother killed himself about two years after it stopped.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 04:15 pm
@hawkeye10,
thanks..
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2014 04:32 pm
@hawkeye10,
Wow...how horribly traumatic for her.
0 Replies
 
 

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