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Attracted to others. How do I stop that?

 
 
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 12:49 pm
I am so embarrassed. I don’t know what to do anymore, and I am sure I don’t want to feel this way. Long story short… I married my first and only bf 12 years ago. I was 20, he was 23. We went through some hard times when we did not understand each other at all. There were days when my husband was emotionally and physically abusive to me, but that’s just history now. He still criticizes me, but worst part is not there anymore. I know he is a good man. When I felt most lonely and desperate, I met a man who actually liked me and I made my selfish mistake with him. I feel completely lost. I regret it, but I can’t turn back time.
Now, couple months later, I found myself being attracted to other men more than ever. I feel so ashamed. I don’t want to feel the way I feel.
There is this coworker I see at my work. We are not even friends, but when he walks by, I feel like a little teen girl. My heart is pounding and I am pretty sure my face is red. It feels so stupid. I don’t want be attracted to other people. I don’t want to want their attention or like it. I want to be in love with my husband and don’t care about any male around me. What to do? Why do I feel this? How to change it?
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 893 • Replies: 5
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bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 12:54 pm
@Letitsnow,
Get into couples therapy/counseling. Fast, I hear you say you want to make it work.
Letitsnow
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 01:00 pm
@bobsal u1553115,
I go to counseling once a month to talk about everything in my marriage and the other man. And when I thought things may get better, all I can feel is this attraction towards other males. I don't like it.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 02:44 pm
@Letitsnow,
Letitsnow wrote:

There were days when my husband was emotionally and physically abusive to me, but that’s just history now. He still criticizes me, but worst part is not there anymore. I know he is a good man.


This doesn't sound like a good man.

"He used to hit me, now he criticizes me, he's a good man" See how that makes no sense?

When was he last physically abusive to you?
Why are you still tolerating his verbal abuse?

If he's still doing one, he'll eventually start the other again.

There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about someone else. It can be a fun outlet. You don't have to let everyone know your thoughts.

However, if you're doing this with the thought of being with someone who won't criticize, or perhaps hit you, perhaps you need to think about it you really want to be with him, deep down.
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 08:25 pm
@Letitsnow,
Couples therapy, with your husband.
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 08:28 pm
@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about someone else. It can be a fun outlet. You don't have to let everyone know your thoughts.


Especially if you don't talk in your sleep.
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