Is it passed its expiry date or should I keep trying?

Think about why you love him. Deeply. Really go over the reasons, the things about him specifically that make you so connected and in love with this man. Picture him as the man that you love. Do it for a long time, somewhere away from him.

Then go to where he is, and just look at him. Is he still the man you love?

If so, then you have to MAKE him hear you. If not, then it's over. You have to move on.

I don't know what I'm talking about really, but it sure sounded good, didn't it? Hey, who knows? Maybe you can use it anyway.

Hi There Tigerprincess,
I am sure you will receive an abundance of advice on this, so I think this one thing needs to be said:
Before heeding to any of it, ask yourself this, "Who would I go to for advice on how to have a successful relationship?"

Possible answers that may come to mind would be..
1. somebody or a couple that have been together for 5+, 10+, 20+ years?

>What if they have been married for 30 years but still don't know each other? Not uncommon. Point: years are not a sure indicator that they can give you good advice.

2. A marriage counselor? (I know you are not married, but I know non-married couples who have gone to a marriage counselor.)

>What if that couselor is divorced? Or does not have a good marriage? Believe it or not, I have heard of such instances!
Point: Just because a piece of paper says they are certified to give cousel, doesn't mean that they can give you good advice.

3. A very smart person with good common sense?

>Again, what if they have no experience with relationships? They may be able to impress you with how much they know, but what credibility does that give them?
Point: It doesn't give any credibility. We'd just assume since they are the returning champion on Jeopardy that they are smart in everything else.

4. A very close friend or family member who you are sure wants the best for you?

>This is the toughest to deal with because they all want to give you their advice--and you want their advice because you trust them with all your heart.
Question to ask yourself first: if you needed heart surgery, and you had a choice of a surgeon who you have never met (and he kind of looks kinda weird even); or your mother who loves you more than anybody, but she has never even picked up a scalpel in her life. I don't care how trusting you are, you would pick the surgeon!

What am I saying?

Look for the "fruit on the tree" Become a fruit inspector.
Is there a couple in your life that you get around, and just wish you had a relationship like them?
They have excellent communication (the #1 reason for divorce in America),
They have their finances well managed (the #2 reason),
They're relationship has stood the test of time and they still speak the best of one another when the other is not around (that is a huge one!) etc.

That is who you want advice from.

Very long and drawn out, and I know I did not give you a direct answer (the only qualification I have is that I have these kind of people in my life that I want to model my marriage after, but I don't have the fruit to show yet).

I hope that made some sense to you.

You and your boyfriend are overdue for a long, heart-to-heart talk. Couples counseling might be a good place for it. (You don't have to be married.) Whatever you decide, we all wish you luck in finding happiness.

You don't say how old the two of you are. Quite possibly in the last year and a half he's concentrated on growing as a person while you've been concerned with pleasing him by staying the person you were when you moved in together.

Would you have a place to go for a week to think things over? Distance can help perspective.

If he agrees, couples counseling might be an excellent idea.

Good luck.

Before even going to a counselor, did you ask him? Ask him how he feels? Let him know how you feel.

Time to sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him he's been distant. Tell him you've noticed a change, and it saddens you. Tell him you care and you want to know what's wrong.

Personality changes can sometimes be the sign of an illness, either physical or mental or both. When was your guy last at a doctor's? Just a thought - certainly it doesn't hurt to get such things checked out. And if there is nothing organically wrong, and a talk doesn't do anything, try counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone.

Thanks for all your advice...

I did go away for the weekend. I just couldnt be near him, i think we both needed the space.

I have tried talking to him before, but he just doesnt want to talk and says if i'm not happy I should just move out. But i want to try to sort things out before I do the final thing of just finnish it all between us...

Anyway, it was good to come home from the weekend. I needed to sort out what is in going on in my own head. Lots of stuff has changed between us in the last twelve months, i finally got around to finnishing my degree and graduating (i am twenty-five...the numbers went wrong on my handle... my boyfriend is turning twenty-eight) we both have pretty big jobs now.

I dont think i have tried to stay the same as when we first got together, what i meant was I tried to keep the special things between us, like buying small presents getting dressed up nice for a night on the town, you know getting my hair done and stuff...

I think it got to him a bit, he said on friday night that he was going out with his friends, and I said no problems, i Had made plans to go visit one of my female friends who lives a few hours away for the weekend. I think he was a bit shocked i wasnt there this weekend. I know before when i haven't been there when he expects me to be , like when i am out with my friends or he does something to get to me, like going away with the boys for a weekend, that i don't mind.

I think thats what i am going to have to do, be as busy if not more than he is an not worry about what is going between us. When i came home on Sunday night he said that he missed me, i don't think he had any major plans for the weekend so spent some of it just sitting around on his own...

I will try and talk to him more, but he doesn't like confrontations. he will avoid talking to someone for as long as possible and i don't want it to be like that between us, because oneday it will all be too late.

I know i still love him, i think somewhere he still does love me. But we are just growing apart and i don't know how to revert it. well maybe not revert it, i expect things to change, but i just wanted us to change together somewhat rather than completely growing further and further apart.

Tigerprincess--

I did you an injustice to suggest that you might have chosen to curl up in the love nest and not grow as a person. Sorry.

Good that your weekend gave you some perspective (and remember that getting away is one way of climbing off your personal mental squirrel cage where you run and run and spin and spin and go nowhere).

Good that your guy doesn't like dramatic confrontation. Unfortunate--to say the least--that he's leery of discussion.

Good that you are not making your relationship your whole world. Just keep whispering to yourself that you are far too complex and delightful to have all your needs met by one person. I don't mean run out and have an affair--I mean see your friends, pursue your interests and become more of yourself.

Good luck Hold your dominion.